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DH doesn't want to talk birds & bees with SS10

BrownEyedGirl31's picture

Submitted by BrownEyedGirl31 on Sun, 12/15/2013 - 11:27pm

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Parenting Issues

BM told me yesterday that SS10 has been asking a lot of questions about sex & his parts. BM is prepared to answer but also feels that it's best for DH to tackle some of these topics (As do I) I talked to DH about it tonight & he seemed receptive at first then later in the evening I brought it up again & he says "I'm not gonna talk to him. He doesn't need it. No one ever talked to me about it." And my response was "Yeah & you had a child when you were a teen..." To which he mumbled something like "Well yeah but I still knew what my parts were for" I didn't respond bc I'm not sure if this is something I should push...or just let go.

My personal feeling is that this is one of the main responsibilities of being a dad to a boy. This is important. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable it makes you. You HAVE to do it. And make no mistake about it, if our future child is a boy, he WILL do it! BUT... This isn't our child. Should I push the matter or let it go?

BrownEyedGirl31's picture

Submitted by BrownEyedGirl31 on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 7:37am

SS10 has asked us questions before bc BM had a boyfriend that used to sleep over all the time. So he was asking us if that was right. And DH handled that really well. I think the idea of actually starting the conversation himself is what is bothering him. DH is really shy.

BM has been answering all SS10's questions. So he is having the talk from someone but BM is requesting that DH talk to SS10 too. And I agree with all of you... He absolutely should! That's where the problem comes in. SS10 is not my child. I've voiced my opinion & given suggestions on when he should do it...do I keep pushing (bc I believe it's right) or do I drop it?

amber3902's picture

Submitted by amber3902 on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 8:23am

I would stop pushing DH to do it. Is there another male friend/relative that could talk to SS10?

At least he's getting info from his mom, some kids don't even get that.

BrownEyedGirl31's picture

Submitted by BrownEyedGirl31 on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 8:35am

Amber3902... Thank you! Yeah I think that's what I'm going to do. I sent him a txt this morning after he went to work & reiterated my thoughts & offered to start the conversation. And I think I'm going to drop it. DH's dad & him never had the talk & subsequently don't talk about anything more than the weather & sports. And they talk like once every 2 months. DH's brother is more shy & socially awkward than he is! The best male relative would be my dad. My parents are amazing & were always there to talk us. We have a very close relationship. DH has always loved my family. And in my txt msg, I explained that one of the reasons were so close is because my parents were so easy to talk to.

SS10 loves & respects my dad. But I know if I explained the situation to my dad, he would be upset at DH for not stepping up to the plate. I don't know if that's a can of worms I want to open. I may set SS10 & my dad up on a little grandson-grandpa date & see if SS10 brings it up with him.

This is like the 1 thing that I totally agree with BM on. And I don't want that to get in the way of me & DH relationship. Like I said before, if we have a boy...I WILL fight that battle with DH. But I'm thinking this isn't my battle to fight...

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 12:30pm

I'd let Mom know that Dad is reluctant, so to have that talk herself.

My ex wouldn't talk to our son, either, and my Dad & brother were not keen on it, either. So I did - multiple times. He still comes to me (@22).

BrownEyedGirl31's picture

Submitted by BrownEyedGirl31 on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 7:31pm

LadyFace --- Right?!?!?! I mean that scares me to death that he could also end up a dad in high school! You would think DH would remember how hard that was & do everything possible to spare SS10 from it!

BrownEyedGirl31's picture

Submitted by BrownEyedGirl31 on Mon, 12/16/2013 - 7:36pm

Jumanji -- Yeah I think I will mention that to BM the next time she asks…. I am the one who will always sit down & explain things to SS10. When SS10 gets upset DH asks 'What's wrong?" & SS10 says "Nothing" (as he's crying & hiding his face) So DH says "Ok" & lets its go at that. And I'm always like "SS10 I know something is wrong. You have to talk to us about it or else we can fix it." And he finally opens up about it. UGH! Communication is such an obstacle in DH's family. I hope SS10 will be more comfortable talking about tough topics than DH is. Its like pulling teeth.