I feel unwanted, i dont want to fall into depression.. HELP
I try my hardest to parent and teach our son to clean up after his self, hes almost 11. As much as i have to tell him, it sounds like nagging. I get him things he asks for when hes earned it. for his birthday, i planned it all and went all out for nerf. I dont get dates with my own husband anymore. We used to have dates on every other saturday, then its nothing unless i plan it, nothing is spontanious anymore. so my saturdays are spent alone. he takes our son fishing. so i have given up things i need as a wife for him to have his dad and now a field trip came up for next year that my husband cant go on, since its over night and the son asks me to play sick so his dad will go. i talk about a vacation and he says "what are you gonna do while me and dad are gone?" these things hurt me so much that i want to shut down all together and be alone. I cant win. Can anyone help me. if i talk to my husband all i get is.. hes just a kid. ive been in this house for over 2 years now. i dont want to be where im not wanted and thats obviously in the house im living in.
Welcome to the site! I
Welcome to the site! I gather from looking at your profile that your DH used to be with your best friend, and the son is hers - so I'm wondering if there's an element of guilt creeping in even though that relationship has been over for 6 yrs.
As far as feeling unwanted goes - if I have learned anything at all from my 16 yrs as a wicked step mother - it is "do not let yourself get sidelined". If I could have my time over again I just would not do this, never ever. Insist on your inclusion in things and don't sacrifice yourself by sitting at home on your own, getting depressed. Please value yourself.
long road
I know it will be a long road... im sorry but i dont know what DH means... and no guilt. she used to drop him off with me to baby sit while she worked or did whatever... i have no bad feelings toward her or my son. if things didnt happen the way they did, i wouldnt be married to my love. I try to focus on other things, like.. since its hunting season, i get peace from going on my own, i sit there and relax with nature, watch deer and animals and baby deer, (i didnt shoot them) but it gives me time to cry or talk to god about how i feel , but i havent gotten the reponse from they prayers, atleast not yet. but i need someone to talk to. none of my friends are in my position, so i have no one to talk to about this. it feels nice to have someone in this position.
thank you
I think i will do more things for myself instead of waiting to see what they are going to do for the day. But about the words.. i want to be on the same page as my husband, son called my husband slut over and over and instead of him doing somthing about it, he said "get him mom!" its not my job all the time, its 50/50. but i think if i just get my own peace and maybe a hobbie that he will step up some with me, but on the other hand it could get worse....but i wish he would have a sit down with our son and talk to him about the way things have been, hes old enough to know to think about someones feelings before he says something, it feels awful to have my feelings hurt and my heart broken by an 11 year old and my husband stand by and just watch it and all he can say is "whats wrong"...
Welcome. I hope that you
Welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.
I get why you call him your son. My SS is my son. The operative element of the title of stepPARENT is PARENT. Parenting has next to nothing to do with biology and nearly everything to do with who steps up to actually parent. This clearly sheds light on the fact that you don't have a SKid problem, you have DH (Dear Husband) problem and you need to put your foot up your DH's ass.
No more more pussy footing agound, sit your DH down and give him clarity that the live in lover, housekeeper, baby sitter, etc... stops immediately and he needs to step up as your equity life partner or when he and the Skid get back from their next father/son outing their key won't work and their shit will be on the curb.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
I’m a SM of a 12 year old she
I’m a SM of a 12 year old she was 6 when I meet her dad
read my posts I have no time with my husband and now his daughter moved in with us it’s even less than not much and I’ve had enough
ive always pushed they age time alone but I feel so should me and him otherwise the relationship ceases to be a relationship
thing is my SD always hangs round all day when here to spend as much time with her dad as possible and to me that’s way ott she’s not a little girl she’s 12 going on 13.
i do wonder if these men use they’re woek and children as an excuse not to spend time with us and I have told my husband many times this is denies it says he is addicted to his work and his daughter he agrees is way too needy.
all we can do if we can’t leave us forge a life for ourselves until we can leave
I go out walking 6-8 miles a day now and I’m signed up to volunteer so I am filling my life with things.
one day these men will wake up and smell the coffee but by then it will be too late - we will of emotionally signed out of the relationships
as said if you don’t out anything into something it’s ceases to exsist but like a bank account if you don’t fill it up each month it’s then empty and no good to anyone.