I have no idea what to do!
I have no idea what to do!
Submitted by pseudostepmom on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 10:44pm
So, I just don't know what to do. My husband wants me to move back in and I just don't know if I am ready. I thought he had made strides with actually being a father to his son instead of trying to kiss his son's a*# but I fear he took a step back. We went bowling one weekend (trying to be a "family" per our marriage counselor's advice) and it was fun! Then another weekend we went for a canoe trip and BBQ with friends who also have a son (16 though) and SS acted like a complete BRAT. I was VERY impressed with how my DH handled situation, though. Told son it was unacceptable to act that way, next time there will be consequences, etc. SS threatened to not come up this summer to see Dad. THEN the next weekend he didn't come up because he wanted to hang out with "friends". Mind you, this is the FIRST time he has EVER done that. Personally, I believe it was to punish DH. Well, I suggested going mini-golfing this weekend and DH said maybe next weekend because he didn't want to "push it" with SS. Then I said let's go canoeing again but this time have BBQ at our house and DH said "maybe not canoe AND BBQ....again don't want to "push it" with SS.....GGGGRRRRR. Hello?! Why did I move out? Because of THIS. And now he says either I move back in or we part ways, that he doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a wife and since he was laid off a month ago, if I don't move in in August, he will have to find a roomate. Well, I am not ready. I need to spend more time as a family and see if it is going to work. I was MISERABLE. I certainly don't want to go back to THAT. I guess, my question is this: I love DH and we have a great time when it is just the two of us. SS? We peacefully coexist and get along when it is just SS and me. DO I move back and "deal" with it until SS goes to college? I know he will forever be in DH's life. That's cool and expected. But can I handle our lives revolving around SS for the next, IDK how many years? I love DH so is that enough? HELP!!!!!!
Wow...it's kind of like "move
Wow...it's kind of like "move back in with me, or else". Not too sure about that. If you move back in, that gives him a LOT of control over the situation. Sounds like he might need you financially more than personally right now. I understand that you love him, but do you also enable him to be the way he is?
As for SS...tread lightly. Don't EVER think that skids just go away when they turn 18. Sometimes it's actually worse after they become adults (pick a blog, any blog!). Once they are no longer in school, and the "other" parent no longer gets child support, it seems they these kids think they can just be mooches and the bio parents feel guilty and LET them.
Follow your head instead of your heart on this one.
Look at it this way - you are
Look at it this way - you are moved out trying to make it work and he is still being an ass - right now is the time that he should be kissing your ass and showing you that he loves you and wants to spend his life with you instead he is being a big ass - you have all the signs in front of you - the SS is never going away and since he is allowed to act this way will never change - so sadly it looks as if this is doomed - I wish you much luck in this decision but I think you know the answer or when he gave you the ultimatum you would have moved right back in - listen to your gut!!!!
God I so remember the days that SS would ruin any outing we would take - now when he comes to visit I tell him the plans for the 2 weeks he is here and tell him if you want to go - go and if not then sit in the guest room and twiddle your thumbs I don't give a rats ass - his father takes almost 2 weeks vacation when he is here and we are not wasting it on sitting around the house. SS was 17 last year and went everywhere we wanted to go - and did not complain because if he had he knew his father and I would have shut him right down. When you become a family then the parental unit needs to be united if it isn't then your are doomed. My DH is of the attitude if you don't want to do family things and come and see me that is your loss not mine - my DH is a wonderful father but he decided long ago that no kid's ass would be kissed and he has stuck with it.
Even when BM would try to ruin our vacation plans for the Summer and tell DH that SS had something else planned that week that we requested we knew he didn't - my DH would write and say okay then have SS come out the week after and miss our vacation that is okay with me. We have a time share and can't just change our week and we only got this week after BM bitched that we took the 4th of July one year so to give that to her we moved to another month and when she tried to scream at DH and write this stupid email calling him abusive he wrote back and said you called me rude for using July 4th last year so which is it - do you want to plan my vacations cause that is not going to happen so get over yourself - he has also told her that their is a family to consider and not just SS and since he is a child he needs to go with the flow and if he doesn't want to then DH will wait until he is an adult and have a relationship with him then - of course SS knew nothing about all these exchanges and could not wait to see his dad - so BM was just outright lying and DH caught her in it.