kids need a parent not a friend...
I don't know what biomom is thinking... My SS has been in and out of trouble the past few years and it is getting worse by day with no action on biomoms part. About a month ago SS called his mother a f-ing B because she would not buy him something he wanted. He was not punished and biomom blew it off as normal teenage behavior. Can I please have another parent vouch that that is NOT normal? Children have no right to speak to their parents like that at any age let alone while they are living under their roof. I really think she needs to get some parental counseling. Last week SS was allowed to go to a party only a month after the obscene comment and he was out and about past town curfew with his mother's permission. He called her around midnight to to check in and she said she was going to bed! Are you kidding me!? I can not sleep if someone (even an adult) in my household is out at an hour like that so I can't not even comprehend how this woman just nonchalantly said she was going to sleep while her 14 year old was out! Well he ended up leaving the party and walked to another house party. In the interim he was caught by the police on patrol and taken in because one of his friends vandalized pubic property. SS denies having any part in the vandalim, but he lies a lot...he is more like his mother everyday! They were fined for breaking curfew and have a upcoming hearing for the vandalism. To my knowledge SS was not punished other than losing his allowence to pay for the fines. Looking at the situation I believe it was more biomoms fault than anything. She ALLOWED him to be out! All of this is just beyond me and I see SS heading down the wrong path because he has no guidance to make the right choices. Biomom has no sense and told my husband that all the kids were going to partys and that there was nothing wrong with it. I am very concered for my SS, but my husband does not think there is much we can do as long as he is under her roof. We have tickets to take all the kids to a baseball game on Saturday and I asked my husband if SS was allowed to go. He seems to think it would be a good idea if I took SS out to dinner and talked to him because he is not listening to anyone else. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful. Thanks!
Why would he listen to you...?
No offense intended...but if he's calling his own mother a"f***ing b***h" .... why does your husband think SS would listen to anything you had to say.. over his bio-parents? (OMG he's only 14 and he's out til midnight!!) DO you guys have a good relationship...does he respect what you say? Sometimes kids act out when they're unhappy...maybe him knowing you guys care enough to take the time to try to set him straight..might help..but Dad can't just give up either cause he's not under his roof. He has less tools to parent with..little leverage..but he has to stay on his case...
lovin-life
I don't know why hubby thinks SS would listen to me, but SS would never and has never used any profanity in our home nor has he directed any derogatory commets to his father or I. The fact is, he respects us more or at least realizes there would be severe punishment in our house if he ever did anything remotely close to that. He usually listens...it may take telling him a few times, but he eventually does do what he is told. I would chalk that up to normal teen behavior. It is hard to tell if SS is unhappy because he is a pretty quiet kid. We talk, laugh and do things as a family, but he rarely opens up about personal issues. As far as him acting out goes, I don't really know if the recent behavior could be classified as acting out. It was, afterall, done with his mothers permission. Dad just sat him down 2 weeks ago and talked to him about the name calling. Hubby thinks that maybe me talking to him and showing my concern might help as well. My husband has been looking forward to the game and it wouldnt be fair to take it away from everyone on account of SS so he thought if I spent the afternoon with SS we could talk. At this point we are willing to try anything. I don't know what to do. If we allow SS to go to the game does that condone the behavior? If we take it away is that being too harsh?? Is it really fair to punish a kid for something his mother allowed him to do?? My head spins with worry and he is not even my own child. I just wish his mother would grow up and be responsible!!
kids
It is not just his bio moms fault it is also his fathers fault if the blame needs to be placed with a parent. The kid is 14 he is old enough to know what he is doing and that he is being disrespectful to his mother. However that being said if you know he did it then his fahter knows he did it as well, as his father he is as responsible fo r his behavior as the mother. not saying ANYTHING to him about speaking tohis mother that way is the SAME as saying it is okay
I know...I wish kids came
I know...I wish kids came with a manual! I'm glad ss has respect for you guys.. that's half the battle. It's funny cause my daughter is kind of acting up around her dad..she's at that hormone kicking in age..but he has done some things that has affected her respect for him as well over the winter. ..if would step-up and be a better parent..it wouldn't even be an issue...