Hello. I have a bit of a long story, so I hope you don't mind reading (and listening to me vent).

I am a 40-something Mom of two boys who are both grown and out of the home. I am also a stepmom to a 17 year old boy, and a 7 year old girl. Here's my story:

When I divorced my boys' father, one lived with me the other with his father. No problems. About 3 years after my divorce was final, I met and married my current hubby...who had (at the time) a 13 year old teenage son living with him full time. Bio-mom is not in the picture, and we don't receive any form of child support from her either. After hubby and I dated for a while, he slowly introduced me to a little 3 year old girl whom he called his "daughter". He told me that when he was dating his former girlfriend she was pregnant, but didn't know it. Now, I don't believe that for a minute, considering she's already had 3 other children (who are all 15 and older). Hubby told me that timing just doesn't add up and he doesn't believe that the daughter is actually his. The bio-mom didn't put hubby's name down as the father on the birth certificate either. Mind you, bio-mom is notorious for lying about things anyway. And, she has 3 other children by different fathers. I'm well aware that we could request a paternity test, but hubby said that would never happen. (Probably out of fear that it will come back that he is NOT the father.)

This girl doesn't look like my hubby at all. Yet, everyone in her family and hubby's family is led to believe that she is in fact my hubby's. And, bio-mom will spray Sun In in her hair to lighten it. If she'd let it grow out, it would be darker...just like hers and her other children.

Not too long after hubby and I started dating, bio-mom decided to marry a career military man that she had gone to high school with. (Her "umpteenth" marriage.) Well, that meant moving. So, bio-mom and new hubby moved to Alabama (from Oklahoma)...then were shipped off to South Korea. Of course, they took the daughter with them. So, hubby and I didn't SEE or HEAR FROM the daughter for 2 years! Then, bio-mom's mother passed away and they came back. Bio-mom decided that she no longer wanted to be married to career military man and divorced him. Which meant hubby and I now have a 6 year old little girl back in our lives. Just when we had pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that we'd probably never see her again. I was actually getting used to the fact that it would just be us and our boys.

Now that daughter is back in our lives, I get really annoyed with having her around. She's bossy, demanding, extremely hyper active, says mean and hurtful things, hits and pinches us, and tries to steal all of my hubby's attention. She's a prissy girl, too...and it bothers me that she won't get outside and touch things and explore. She acts like her older sisters and thinks she needs to wear dresses, high heels, make up, nail polish, and fix her hair up. She's only 7 for crying out loud! I have no say so in it, though. I went out of my way to make one of our spare bedrooms hers, decorated it all up in her favorite colors and themes...and she will hardly play in it, unless we're in there with her...and flat out refuses to sleep in it! Apparently bio-mom allows her to sleep with her...which we will not allow. So, she sleeps in the living room on the couch with the TV on and our 17 year old stepson. He will stay out there with her until she falls asleep, then he goes to his bedroom. She won't go do anything by herself. She ALWAYS has to have someone playing with her, or paying attention to her. She won't go to the bathroom by herself, or go get something out of a room by herself. And she will either get mad if we don't go with her, or she just won't go get whatever it is that she's wanting or needing. She doesn't even wipe herself when she uses the bathroom!

I don't know what to do. Hubby expects me to help her bathe/shower, go to the bathroom, etc. because I'm female. I don't want to, honestly. I tell her no and make her go take care of herself. She's old enough to do many things on her own. I never had girls, so all of this attention demanding and stuff is drivng me nuts! We have her pretty much every weekend...which also drives me nuts, because our time gets taken up by her. Hubby doesn't pay child support, because he's not listed as the father, but we do buy her school supplies, clothes, etc. I feel like we're just a convenenience for bio-mom more than anything! (Which is basically what hubby was for bio-mom to begin with! He's always managed to get into relationships with women who just want him to be their "Good Time Charlie"...users and abusers!)

I am also bothered with how well he gets along with bio-mom and her family! She's the black sheep of that family, and she knows it. And, she and my hubby were never married...I am the only wife he has ever had. I know it's just for the daughter's sake, because he can't STAND bio-mom for everything she's done to him! But, her family invites us to functions and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don't mingle with my ex, or his family, so why should I have to mingle with hers?! Bio-mom is on both of our Facebook accounts as well. When I told hubby I felt that she really didn't need to be on there, he kind of got upset and said that's the only way for bio-mom to contact him (because she doesn't have a cell phone) and it's a good way for us to share pictures of daughter, etc. I HATE IT!!!!! So, I went and kept her as an acquaintance only and blocked her from seeing pretty much anything I post and I unfollowed her, because I could truly care less about her! Hubby isn't a Facebook fan anyway, so he's rarely on it. I know some could say, "Divorce him...if that's how you feel." I don't want to do that! He's my heart and soul! I love him to the moon and back!

I commend my hubby for doing what he does. Please don't get me wrong! Him being a responsible parent is part of what attracted me to him in the first place. But, I just can NOT stand daughter's bio-mom! She's an idiot on the grandest of scales...and, I really do pray that one day she's treated the way she's treated others! Sorry for the long rambling, I really could go on and on...but, I can't.

Please, can anyone offer some advice?! I'm to the point where I don't even want to be home on the weekends when stepdaughter is there because she annoys me THAT MUCH! And, hubby senses my irritation and makes comments about it. He, too, gets tired and worn out by her. We are in our 40's after all! LOL