My Spouse Defends All Her Children's Actions
Help! I've had a miserable weekend and I just found this site. Will someone tell me that I'm overreacting please:
I took my wife away last week for her birthday. Her daughter (14) and son (16) stayed at home with grandparents. Stepson was packing his bag to go away himself with local club.
When I returned I found that he had also taken my bag without asking and dumped my stuff all over the floor. I was angry because I needed my bag and be would have known that. I sent him a text asking where the bag was and why my stuff was all over the floor. He replied that, "it's with me. Hahahahaha."
I told my wife how angry I was and she replied that its just a bag and I need to learn to share. My point was that he had just taken without asking but that was lost on her.
It all blew up this morning when he told her he was tired and wouldn't go to school until later. She said it was ok.
He generally speaks to her poorly but she gives him whatever he wants. How can I get through to her that he is spoilt!
My last words to her this morning were that I am moving out.
Am I over reacting?
No, you're not overreacting.
No, you're not overreacting. If she's not going to discipline her kids or make them respect you, why SHOULD you stay? That was blatant disrespect for the son to touch your belongings, let alone TAKE it and dump your things on the floor.
Has it always been this way with the wife? How long have you been together? Have the kids ever respected you? Has she ever disciplined them?
I told my wife how angry I
I told my wife how angry I was and she replied that its just a bag and I need to learn to share.
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NO WAY!!! LOL. I would have laughed in her face and told her that you are not a three year old. Then I would have insisted that she go RIGHT THEN and buy me a bag. PERIOD
I would say to stay out of her issues with letting SS stay home or talk to her crappy. But you need to draw the line at him being disrespectful to you. Let her know she is NOT to allow him to touch your things or talk bad to YOU. If she values your marriage she will respect that.
You're not
You're not overreacting.
Maybe suggest counseling. A good marriage counselor may be able to tell your wife she's doing more harm than good excusing all her children's bad behavior. She sure as heck ain't listening to you because you're "picking" on her "little darlings."
Thank you all for taking the
Thank you all for taking the time to comment. It has given me a lot of strength knowing that you feel the same way and I'm not going mad. There are other issues I have ignored in our relationship that help me add up to the conclusion that I shouldn't be living her anymore. We have been together for 8 years and gone through some tough times with her ex causing trouble amongst other things. However my Step Daughter is an angel and I will miss her. Thank you again.
If she is going to defend bad
If she is going to defend bad behavior over a small issue, she will defend her children's bad behavior on major issues as well. Moving out may be a bit drastic but there absolutely needs to be a consequence in order for things to change.
You're just reacting in a way
You're just reacting in a way that StepFathers do when they've had enough of the bullshit.
Now you can REALLY start to enjoy your life.
You don't have to be around the drama anymore.
^^^ that's what I do when ss
^^^ that's what I do when ss wants to stay home sick ^^^ I vacuum, clean, turn up my music really, really LOUD and if he complains I tell him I always clean while everyone's in school and if it's bothering him then go to school or wear ear plugs. lol He doesn't stay home very often, and I only did that twice!
Obviously things have been building up for awhile for you to feel like you want to leave but from my persepctive you are almost done with this kid. He's 16 and will be moving out fairly soon and then you have your wife and sd to yourself. I'd say hang in there. My ss15 is almost 16 and moving out in 2 3/4 school years and I cannot wait but I am waiting. My DH is worth the wait!
As far as the bag is concerned, I'd just give ss the bag and buy a new one. He probably needs one and you could probably use a nicer one anyhow. Then after that make sure anything you don't want the kids using or getting into stays behind your LOCKED bedroom door. My DH and I lock our bedroom and our closet doors. Teens will take and use or eat anything without thinking twice that it is not theirs. To a teen what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine!