My step daughter is 9, very creative, smart, talented, and highly manipulative. I've never met a child so bratty in my life and I've been a preschool teacher, high school teacher, and I have over 30 nieces and nephews! I've been surrounded by children! I know no two are the same, but I'm honestly losing my cool with her. I need help.

When I first knew her (age 6) she was ill behaved, had no manners, and would constantly snack but was a picky eater when it came to main meals. She refused to keep herself clean, brush her teeth, or her hair, and would be content wearing the same clothes for a week straight if we would let her! She would throw fits if she didn't get her way and my fiance was too used to giving in so she'd stop. She had a TV in her bedroom and refused to sleep in her own bed. She picks at her older brother to a point he snaps then my fiance would scold him but not her...

My fiance and I had a relaxed home but I'm getting fed up. It's been a constant fight with her to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do, and she manipulates him to a point that drives me crazy.

In our home none of the children have TV in their rooms,  TV time is a privilege they have to earn. The children must keep themselves up as well as their bedrooms and they are encouraged to clear their plates at meal times. We try to spend time bonding with brushing our teeth, making meals, hiking out property, gardening, tending the animals, and one-on-one time with them. 

My step daughter, of our 3 children, is the only child we have trouble with. She is somewhat better behaved now, but she still refuses to be hygienic, tries to sneak treats and snacks, is lazy and manipulative, and refuses to sleep alone. My fiance and I have to constantly hound her to behave, to listen, to mind her manners, and eat all her food.

She gets ridiculously small portions at meal times to encourage her to eat but she will whine and cry and has sometimes thrown her food away! Then come time for an after dinner treat, she's throwing a fit because she wants a popsicle or wants to make slime or wants to watch TV. We remind her that we don't allow misbehaving children those privileges, so she'll throw tantrums and grumble off to her room. 

We have to force her to bathe herself thoroughly and to brush her teeth and her hair. We remove her dirty clothes from her room so she has to change into clean clothes, otherwise she will wear her dirty ones. She also doesn't like to dress appropriately. When we've told her to put warm clothes on so we could go to the snow, she wanted to wear shorts and a pair of slip-on boots with no socks. We made her change. She knows better, but it feels like she purposely pushes our buttons any way she can.

She's a very smart girl and she's capable of mathematics beyond her school year but she hates her homework,  something I'm used to seeing in children. However,  she will try to lie to us about her homework so she doesn't have to do it and she requires constant supervision to keep her on track until the work is done (through many tears, much whining, and several attempts to distract herself with other things.)

When she was younger, she showed interest in having her own bedroom and her own big girl bed. She was developing as I expected and we were proud of her growing independence. She's been going a bit backwards though. She used to enjoy being tucked in and read to for bedtime, but she began refusing to sleep alone. She demanded that my fiance stay and sleep with her in her bed, which we were both uncomfortable with, but he did. He feels this is a big step backwards but if she doesn't have anyone to sleep with she will get up and walk around the house or get into her toys or try to watch TV when everyone else is trying to sleep. Just last night my fiance and I had tucked her in and he stayed there reading a book until she fell asleep. He came to bed and we were barely asleep a few hours when we heard her getting up out of bed. She turned the TV on and woke everyone up. We heard our eldest scold her and turned the TV off,  we got dressed and my fiance took her back to her room. She wanted our son or my fiance to stay in her bed. My fiance again stayed with her until she fell asleep, and he was exhausted and frustrated. He fell asleep in her room then woke up later to return to our room,  but had insomnia. This is becoming a common problem and my fiance is cracking. He isn't sleeping and I'm not happy with her manipulation or behavior.

I'm getting really tired of her and I feel like a terrible parent for saying so. I cried in the shower this morning because I no longer feel like I know what to do. My fiance and I agree on some points of her behavior but others I feel she has him wrapped around her finger and she knows it. She's a brilliant child and she is very aware that her actions are not okay with us, but she still sneaks them in. She still finds ways to get what she wants and it's beginning to drive a wedge in my relationship with my fiance. I'm getting to a point where I don't want to "deal"with her anymore and that thought makes me feel sick to my stomach.