I am new to this site and hoping to get some great advice with some of the issues I have been having as bio-mom and stepmom. This is going to be long, very long, but this will be the very first time I have ever reached out for help on this. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 3. I have a daughter with my ex and a SD. They are both 11 years old. My SD lives with us half the month and the other half with her BM. That was not the case initially. When my husband and I moved in together I encouraged him to get his daughter more often than every other weekend. My SD's mom was leaving her with us all of the time anyway and was pregnant at the time. From the beginning, I took full responsibility of her just as I do my own daughter. My husband started working more and more and I was eventually left at home raising our kids. My SD and I had a really great relationship. She would talk to me about everything, but would feel uncomfortable talking to her own parents. I always encouraged her to talk to her parents, but she usually still comes to me to this day. My SD is completely different from my own daughter. My daughter excels academically and my SD has more trouble in that area. My SD is very smart, but doesn't want to do the work. I have very high standards for these girls to live by. My daughter knows that she has to work hard at school, but my SD is not held accountable for her actions and her parents don't make her grades as important. At all. My daughter is not allowed to do any extra's if her grades are bad, but my SD only gets threats and is still allowed to play all sports even though her grades are not the best. My SD does not ever get in trouble if she is disrespectful to me, but my daughter knows better in fear of consequence. I try to make equal and fair rules, but somehow my SD is not ever held accountable unless I enforce the rules. My husband has even told our children they did not have to listen to me if he doesn't agree with my rules. My husband loves his daughter and is great with mine, but he fears that his daughter will not want to come to our home if he disciplines her. My ex and his family buy my daughter things all of the time. My husband gets jealous and will go out to buy his daughter the same exact thing or argue that she shouldn't bring it home. I have even tried to reward my daughter for her good grades, effort she puts in, and he will go out and buy his daughter the same thing because he feels it's not fair. He has recently told me not to let my daughter bring home anything from her other parents house because it's not fair to his daughter. Now, a little about SD's BM. We have had a descent relationship. I initially chose not to get too upset about how she is raising her daughter until my SD told me that BM's boyfriend put a knife to my SD's throat. When I asked where her mom was when that happened my SD told me that she was right there and seen it all. Obviously, the mother in me became absolutely livid and very scared for my SD. I called my husband, DCS, and the police and filed a report. The only thing that came from that was a restraining order against the boyfriend and her mother denied all of it. Later, BM told SD that she was sorry and should not have let that happen. From that moment on, I have had a completely different feeling about BM. I only felt responsible to my SD more. There are many more things that happened to my SD, but I would be writing for days. A few years have passed since then and everyone else seems to forget that all of these terrible things have happened to my SD, but me. Now, I feel like I am too involved in my SD's life because I felt she was not getting what she needs from her mom. I am now the bad person. I do not feel any appreciation from my husband. He does not make her listen to me and has absolutely no rules to follow. My SD still talks to me, but you can definitely tell a difference. I don't know if I should backup or still be a present in her life? BM puts her daughter last all of the time! It hurts me to see this, but I can't help it. Bm also tells SD that my daughter is not her sister even though they consider each other sisters. My family has made SD just as much a part of the family as my own daughter, but my husband and BM don't make my family as important as their own. I feel like I have invested way too much into her to always be placed last. I know most of it is probably my fault for expecting too much, but I have only done what I thought should have been done in order for my SD to feel like someone is there. I am sure that this is very confusing to all of you. I have many different issues in one. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really need some advice on how to move on from here. I am tired of all of the fighting over kids.