The fact that you're contemplating all these possibilities,  coupled with your discomfort already with his daughter being around even though she's a good kid, makes me think this isn't the relationship for you.

Find a childless man. It should be easy at your age and it will make your life 90% easier. Not worth the heartache, especially since the child is so young.

You should look at it from a "what do I want" perspective rather than "does this make me a bad person". Figure out what you want in a relationship that's acceptable, that you can live with, that makes you happy and go get it. Don't just settle. That's more important than making yourself miserable trying to be a "good" person by someone else's standards. 

This is not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it's just not for you.

It's best to realize this, now, and do something about it, now.

I see you're 29 and when I was your age, I wasn't as insightful as you are.  If you've read around on ST, you've heard about the many ways step-parenting can be hellish.  They are all true but it's also true that it can be an okay thing.  I think it boils down to:  do you want him in your life enough to put up with all the negative possibilities you mention.  It also boils down to how effective a parent your BF is 

The 2 red flags that stand out to me are 1) her not wanting him to kiss or hug you and 2) her getting into bed with you two.   Ask yourself if he's an effective father ("go back to your bed") or whether he's a Disney dad who, due to guilt, caves in to her every wish.  Lots of Disney dads on this site and I have one here, too.  You might want to search that term on here to understand how ultimately destructive that is.  But some members have been able to help their husbands become effective fathers.

Good luck.

You have already asked all of the most important questions... and I feel like you know the answer to most of them. 

Get out while you can. 

Is a Red Flag.  Affection hugging and kissing is normal family thing.  Him not wanting to do that plus the bed thing second Red Flag. And I am sure there are many more. Shows that BF is not ready for another relationship.  
Time to move on.  No reason to prolong this 

Good for you for putting some thought into this - those are all very good, and very important questions to ask yourself. If you need to, find a good therapist to help you sort it out. 

A lot of the answers depend on your BF and what kind of person and parent he is. Does he set limits on his daughter (I'm guessing no, since she ends up in your bed)? Does he set limits on BM? Is he able to put your needs above every little want that his daughter has?Does he prioritize your relationship over the feelings of a possessive ex and a clingy daughter?

Please think long and hard about all of this - and don't get pregnant and get yourself stuck.

the jealousy went away and having her around was easier. But everything else I could not handle. Take this relationship slowly and listen to your gut before you get too deep into it. 

I agree with most comments that with all these questions/your thoughtfulness this is probably not the relationship for you unless you both want to struggle through a lot of growth, which is not a guarantee on his part, only yours of course. 
my only extra thing is that I have a not quite two year old and as much as I try to put her back in her own big girl bed sometimes she comes back into our bed at 4 or 5 am. So I have some more grace for people with young children than I used to. 

I would never be in a relationship with a local visitation schedule where my mate had their kid every weekend while their X had every weekend Skid free.

Your SO is the NCP and can decline visitation. Time to inform him visitation immediately goes to EOWE from EWE or the two of you are over.

If he were the CP with a long distance situation with his X it would be different.  This is the blended family world I have lived as a SP.

But your situation would not exist in my blended marriage.

I was 29 when I become a SP to a two year old and a baby (9 month old). If I had known what I was taking on, I would not have done it but I'm still here in my blended family 14 years later although I feel like I've been to hell and back. 

My advice is to take your time, do not make any big decisions (like moving in together etc) now. It's a huge commitment (almost two decades) you are taking on so you need to be sure.

The custody arrangement is (in my view) completely unacceptable. If you cannot get any time alone with your partner on weekends then I think your relationship is doomed to fail (especially given how you are feeling right now). Can this be changed? You don't say where you are located but if it's the US I fear that will be hard as it seems to be a very biased system (at least in some states) against men having shared custody. I live in Australia where shared care is the norm. So although we have always had my skids 50/50, we get every second weekend off and that was my saviour in the early years. I needed that time to recharge from the skids and also have some quality time with my DH to nuture our relationship. 

The key ingredient for success is equality and unity between you and your partner. Lots of bio parents prioritise their kids and expect the SP to do all the hard work of parenting (ie cooking, cleaning, driving kids around etc) without having any say in discipline, custody etc. This will cause ongoing resentment and anger and one hell of an unhappy situation for you - DO NOT go down that path. You deserve to be made a priority and treated as an equal in any relationship!

Studies show that blended families that go to counselling have a much higher chance of success. It was life changing for me and my DH. Is your boyfriend willing to go to counselling with you to talk through these challenges and align expectations? Is he open to changing the custody schedule? If the answer is no to both of these then I would end the relationship and move on.