Babying Kyle and Kyle having crying fits is extremely soothing to Dad. He feels needed. He feels loved. He feels important.

The person making up for the divorce is Dad, not Kyle. Kyle doesn't even remember it. But Dad does. Dad remembers feeling rejected, replaced, not needed. A sweet little face who super duper really does need him goes a long way in spackling over that fracture in his heart.

You are correct. Kyle is being set up for some bullying. My ss had similar sorts of issues. Very infantilized by BM and even by DH. We took him to special classes to get more social skills at an autism center and very soon the other autistic children -- most of whom were a year younger than he is -- started calling him "crybaby."

There you go.

I do hope you can open Dad's eyes. And do stop telling yourself you know nothing about having a 6 year old cuz you have no kids. If simply having a kid makes you special, then by that logic the boy's mother who abandoned him is an expert. Not.

Sometimes being at a little distance gives you an advantage. You can clearly see what dad cannot.

I agree with ChiefGrownup. Everything she wrote.

I've been on both sides. Before I had children, DH used the words, "Unless you're a parent, you can't understand." and that's total BS.

As a parent of a 5 year old boy myself (and 4, and 2), some of the things are still hard for kids at that age. For example, our dentist has told me that I should brush my kids teeth until age 7 because they can't do it well enough themselves. Sometimes I have them start it and then I just finish it up for them to get any missed spots. Also, my 5 year old is only just learning to tie shoes, but he doesn't frequently wear shoes with laces, so it's not a priority. He also still can't button jeans. So some of these things are age appropriate. I do tend to do too much for my kids because I have 3 and it's impossible to get out the door without doing a lot myself.

The crying is extreme, and it does appear Dad is doing a bit too much, but without his listening to you, there's not much you can do. I feel bad for your SS if he does end being bullied. I'm lucky that my boys are tough and very tall for their ages, so I don't worry about bullying, but I do need to let them do more for themselves.

He is only fragile because his father and you tolerate it.

There is a magic set of words that work well for cry babies like your SS. "Quit your crying or get over here and I will give you something to cry about."

Zero tolerance works wonders on these special little teary snow flakes.

If they can't knock that crap off then they need to spend extensive time alone in a room by themselves until they can get their tears under control.

Just my thoughts of course.

School attendance will take care of some of this.
Shoe tying at a five is a work in progress. Some can. Some can't. In Kindergarten around here teachers don't tie shoes. It's either tuck the laces in or ask a friend. Most kids get tired of asking a friend and learn..

Either dad teaches him how to wipe or dad needs to plan to attend school with him. Teachers don't wipe.

Many five year olds can't button jeans. But they do make elastic waist pants and many kids wear them to school.

The constant crying is a learned behavior. It won't stop until Dad wants it to stop.

BS4 can be like that. I did for him because with 4 kids at home, I don't have time to sit and wait for him to do it. He learned to play that game. He's now at a montessori school and after I dropped him off in pjs once, he gets himself dressed now. His school encourages the parents to let the kids dress themselves and if that means they come in pjs or mismatches, it means they are learning independence. But BS4 didn't like having to delay the fun work to get dressed. His teacher didn't let him do art until he was dressed in day clothes.

I agree with The previous posters. Your SS can learn if Dad steps up and admits his own part in the problems, and makes an effort to change. He'll need to stand strong because it will be an uphill battle before SS realizes that he has no choice and will have to do it himself. I'm NOT saying immediately cut off all help. You and DH will have to teach him all of the skills. Start with wiping butt and putting on clothes. Chad can still help with buttons/zips at first. Be prepared for long battles and stick to it.try to find something else hat motivates Kyle. For example, BS4 has a checklist of morning chores. He can only check it off if he does it himself. Since he loves the "big boy pen" aka sharpie that he uses to check things off, he works to do it himself most of the time. He still has bad days, but they are getting fewer and further between.

Let me get this straight.

Kid is 3 months shy of 6 years old. His dad helps him with wiping after using the toilet, brushing his teeth, bathing, and tying shoelaces.

Totally normal. (Personally, I'd think the kid could wipe off his own wiener, but meh.)

I think I'd need more information before jumping on the Nay or Yay bandwagon.

If the dad is trying to keep the kid at this level of ability, there's a problem. If the dad isn't covering what the kid can't do yet (or if the dad doesn't make sure kid is safe in the bathtub), there's a problem.

Like, if the kid doesn't do a good job wiping his butt, he's going to create a stinky problem for himself... so dad needs to step in. But, it's reasonable to expect kid to wipe first, and dad to just make sure. And if kid is resistant, it's good parenting to coach the kid through what he needs to do to succeed... and then wipe after to make sure.

Ideally, dad has some insight into what his kid needs, and is coaching him towards independence. But that doesn't happen at a set age, it's a process.

It does seem like OP is super-pissed about the situation though, so I'm guessing there's more to the story.

Isn't Kyle in Kindergarten OR 1st grade?

what has the school said about the boys behavior there, if anything?

FYI our dental hygienist and dentist suggested to us several years ago to brush our kiddos teeth until they are at least 8. Gosh It could have been longer too.

Some of these things will come in time BUT the crying is what should be addressed. Why is he crying...is he sad, hurt. Is he scared, does he miss his Mom.

Why don't you ask him.

My SD now 12 has always been a cry baby. My spouse has always said to her that crying was healthy. I told her unless you are hurting or someone dies you shouldn't be crying. I had to swing the pendulum to the other side because it was getting ridiculous. I would not put up with it. I would send her to her room if she started up.
She was teased at school for being a cry-baby.
I think too that my spouse also liked to feel needed. I clued in on this too late though.
My spouse infantilized her to the point of idiocy. And now the girl is paying the price.
But at least I don't have to deal with it anymore because they are moving out.

I have a "SS" who is also 6 and has horrible behavior issues. I posted something about this . I can relate bc my "SS" cant do anything for himself. Cant even dress himself. Its annoying to the point where one time i tried to get him ready for the pool while my spouse got our 2 month old daughter at the time ready and himself ready. Well that turned into a huge argument bc he said i was rushing his kid and he still needed to get ready himself. All i was doing was trying to help ... TRYING TO HELP! I cry everyday bc of the issues this has caused us. I know where you are coming from .... i wish someone had some advice for this.