SS3 has HORRIBLE diet and ZERO discipline from both parents
My 3 year old stepson has a horrible diet he never eats breakfast and will refuse anything for lunch unless it's a chicken nugget. Both his bio mom and father AKA my husband have done nothing about it and give him exactly what he wants. I try and make a meal for the family whether it be spaghetti or mac and cheese anything really and he pushes it away like a little brat. I've told my husband multiple times that I will not be making several meals because one person is picky... this kid has never heard "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit", he's never told no he's only ever given exactly what he wants and it's starting to really frustrate me. Im not allowed to be involved in improving his diet or discipline because my husband says I'm being MEAN??? If he refuses food he gives him what he wants and its ALWAYS a bad choice. His health is lacking not to mention they ONLY give him finger foods this 3 year old cannot even use utensils yet, that's really embarrassing. He also is in that testy stage where he is testing his parents limits yettttt his mom has ZERO limits and father very few. If he is told "not to touch that" he touches it and then my husband just stops disciplining him, he never gets in trouble and he is NEVER had a time out when his attitude DEFINITELY needs one. I have a biological daughter who is 3 and I'm struggling because in the 1.5 years I have been with my husband his son has only gotten a lot worse and nothing has changed despite all my attempts. My daughter WILL NOT be raised like his son not even close and I'm at a complete loss as what to do. Anyone have any similar experiences? Anyone have any advice?
So, how is it working with
So, how is it working with your daughter being raised differently? Do you worry about problems with her (since she constantly sees step bro doing stuff she cant)? Do you think she will be resentful he is allowed to do things she can't?
Exactly.
I told my husband that what you just explained WILL NOT happen. I will not have a house where his son doesn't get in trouble for drawing on the walls when my daughter would end up in a timeout. She is only 3 months old so it isn't a problem yet I'm just worried because I have tried to parent my stepson for over a year and my husband calls me a b*tch, calls me mean, tells me if I do that to my daughter that she will hate me and I honestly just laugh because he thinks a 3 year old doesn't need a timeout or any discipline at all. He also sees NO problem with his sons diet. I feel so bad because he is being raised to be an entitled monster. And I already warned my husband that if he doesn't change or wants to parent MY daughter the way he is his son that I'm leaving. She will be raised my way because his way consists of ZERO structure.
No advice really, just
No advice really, just wanted to let you know iam in exactly the same boat my ss is 6 doesn't have structure or rules doesn' use utensils or even wipe his butt or barely makes it to the potty on time
My bios are twins boys (age 2) and my one year old. And daddy is the exact same way(nothing is wrong with his little angel but the twins are monsters) hang in there I wish I was strong enough to leave sometimes
My formerSS13 refused to use
My formerSS13 refused to use toilet paper... formerSO thought it was fine it "wasn't hurting anyone". FormerSO's mom (that always had an opinion) thought it was best to leave him alone about it... don't make formerSS13 "feel bad". WTF HE SHOULD! And not hurt anyone? He would go poo, not wipe, get in the tub and marinate in it. Then dig in food with his poo marinated fingers. YUCK. E-coli anyone? He also didn't use silverware. AT THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. Would you like to know how embarrassing it is to be in a restaurant and have a teenager using their fingers to eat?
My point is, if they don't learn how to do these things when they're young... If their dads won't let you teach them, that's what you're going to end up with.
OH MY
A 6 year old not wiping is own butt???? Are you serious heck no! My daughter WILL be potty trained by 2 max and wiping herself a year after that. Girls are a tad easier than boys but still no excuse for 6 years..... I'm sorry ): why do men think this way?
Not sure maybe it's in the
Not sure maybe it's in the male chromosomes or something...Idk I got the ss out of diapers just last year and the refusal to wipe is just beyond me he has been taught how but refuses to do so and makes me do it...smh it's really a wonder how he does it at school unless he just doesn' potty at school and holds it until he "can't make it on time"
I feel for you, I'm sorry. I
I feel for you, I'm sorry. I left my formerSO because he didn't parent his son and he was a... ugh. No way I was going to subject my baby or myself to that any longer. He was 13 when I left with my baby. The toddlers with no structure, no rules and no discipline grow in to teens that are horrible.
I agree
Stepson has no rules and is allowed to dictate mostly everything. He has a disgusting amount of screen time each day and is obsessed with electronics. He has a hard time with imaginary play and cannot dress himself. I just feel bad, I just care, and DH thinks I'm crtisizing him when I just want his son to grow up to be a good kid. I don't want to raise a problem child and its NOT easy. Parents need to have discipline themselves and actually create structure for a child. Give him a gun and he will be the next school shooter. I'm terrified of the future and if it continues I will have to leave him. ):
FormerSS13... his grandmother
FormerSS13... his grandmother used to pick clothes out for him to wear to school. FormerSO would drop him off every morning before school (in his PJs) to ensure he ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, was dressed properly, would do his hair for him (she was a hairstylist) and ensure he didn't forget his school bag (happened all the time). Of course she gave him a ride to school because heaven forbid he ever have to ride the bus...
I'm telling you this because I want you to realize unless your husband takes action it will not get better, it will probably get worse. I tried to make formerSO realize what a disservice both he and his mother we're doing to the child, he was helpless at 13, but they just didn't get it. Honestly it was laziness on the part of formerSO, but his mom...good Lord, it was some kind of weird coddling obsession she had with the kid. Very odd.
I have tried for over a year...
I have tried to make attempts for over a year telling my husband that he is actually hurting his child by doing these things. The kid is going to be a disaster. And I go about it in a nice way I don't even try to fight but everything I say apparently is wrong, mean, illogical.... my husband has no friggin clue what a mess he is making here with his son. We have him 2 days a week and his excuse is "I don't want him to hate me, I want him to like coming over here, if I discipline him all the time he won't want to" also the excuse "what is 2 days a week going to do" NEWS FLASH: IT WILL TEACH HIM HOW LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO WORK. Ugh I get so heated and he wants me to keep my mouth shut. Like I said in some of my other replies..... if he tries to raise my daughter like shit I'm LEAVING (: I will be raising her the proper way to eat healthy, behave, and be respectful. She will have structure and a nice reward/disciplinary system in place. Unlike his monster of a child.
Sadly this is a DH problem.
Sadly this is a DH problem. Maybe seek counseling, simply to have someone mediate the conversation you need to have with him.
Honestly it is not possible to raise a child with rules when you have another child without rules AND a DH reinforcing the bad behavior while disrespecting you as the child's mother.
It won't work without a huge change.
I hope you are able to work this out with your DH.
I hope so
I dont want to leave him i love him. But for the sake of MY baby girl being raised right I WILL leave if I need to. She will be potty trained and speaking properly as well as involved in proper child's play versus watching TV and rotting her brain all day. I'm sad because I feel like my daughter who is 3 years younger than my stepson is going to surpass him in skills. The kids still walks on his tip toes, eats like shit, and cannot use utensils or dress himself.... he doesnt speak in more than 2 words and doesn't ask for what he wants, he just cries or whines..... so look embarrassing and BM and DH use his premature birth as an excuse. He was born week 35 1/2 so he was in NICU for 3 days but he was totally fine and a week away from full term.
The good news is your ss
The good news is your ss still has time to learn and be molded...by the time they are five whatever they learned or rather didn't learn is carved deep into them...but my twins were born just at 29 weeks and I already definitely see them surpassing their older stepbrother who was born a week late. They already know please thank you one to twenty and all the abcs they'r already starting to try potty training..I just hope that they don' end up resenting stepbrother in the long run for the things he can get away with
Yes!
I already know this is going to happen in my home.... DH is gonna let his son get away with everything and I guarantee you my daughter will be asking me "mommy why can Kolten do it and not me?" Because she will be smart and I'm what am I going to tell her? He isn't special or more important than her and that's the way she is going to see it. He already never gets disciplined so it's going to get so bad. He is 3 and still pooping in his underwear and peeing in them several times he ruins several pairs a day when we have him. He doesn't look at us when we speak ZERO eye contact and when I get on his level to talk to him face to face and tell him he has to use the potty and not his pants he ignores me and looks away and tries to go do something or just BLATANTLY ignores me all together this kid is a wreck and can't even ask for what he wants or say what he wants to do he is so stubborn and he KNOWS he can get away with it. Just tonight I brought him juice and DH told him to say thank you to me and he never did. He took the tablet away and said "no shows until you say thank you" and he just sat there without it went to go play something else because he didn't want to say it.... like wtf. DH told me that "toddlers cannot be disrespectful, you're a psycho" OF COURSE THEY CAN BE DISPRECTFUL, makes me so mad
Yes, SS has time to be
Yes, SS has time to be remolded, the problem is her DH is well past the age of 5 and it is going to prove difficult to change him.
Very true, I try to stay as
Very true, I try to stay as hopeful as I can but iam unwilling to let my kids get the way ss is and apparently that makes me horrible oh well he will see the proof is in the pudding when my kids are able to do everything he "struggles" with at three...they'e already more polite and articulate (well for being two anyway)
YES!
My 3month old will surpass her 3 YEAR OLD brother in life a that should be embarrassing to the parents and make them want to change but Nooooooo. I AM WRONG according to DH lol it makes me laugh and I honestly don't think we will last in a relationship/marriage. He told me tonight that if his son gets a smart phone from BM and my daughter is not allowed a phone that "life is unfair and she needs to learn that, there is nothing we can do" YOU BET YOUR ASS I CAN DO SOMETHING AKA LEAVE YOUR IDIOTIC SELF AND NOT SUBJECT MY DAUGHTER TO Y'ALLS BULLSHIT
Why do so many SParents spawn
Why do so many SParents spawn with people proven to be abject failures as parents? It seems to always be the same. Failed parent is the new soul mate. It will be different bcecause.... Blah.... blah.... blah....
It is sad that so many serve themselves and their next kids up on the alter of SPrarent/kid sacrifice to a shallow and polluted gene pool.
To save your child from the shallow half of their gene pool you will have to be on your A game.
I could of written your post myself!
My partners son was 4 when I met him and all he would do is scream to get his own way,his diet while with us was awful as he wouldnt eat normal food with the rest of the family so he would feed him anything he wanted,biscuits,pizza anything,even for breakfast!.His son has very very rarely spoken to me or made eye contact and now he has just turned 11 and its still the same now!.
Fast forward 6 1/2 years and now my partner and I have a DD5 together and his kid is vile to her,hes the most nasty,miserable and sly kid ive ever met.Partner waits on him hand and foot and basically lets him get away with murder and do what he wants as long as hes happy thats all that matters,stuff everyone else.Even when hes physically and verbally abusive to my daughter my partner makes excuses for him and believes ever word he says even when there are witnesses there that saw and heard it all he denies it and my gullible partner believes him cos this kid can do no wrong.My partner is a lot stricter with our daughter and pulls her up on things yet says nothing to his son,he is also a kid that cannot function without an electronic device in his hand,he never wants to go out or do anything.I have now refused to go anywhere with his son as im sick of his miserable moody ways and listening to his constant moaning as well as the venom towards my daughter he puts out.Hes got worse as hes got older and I know there is worse to come as he enters his teens.Just the mention of his name makes my skin crawl!,he comes here every weekend and lies in bed playing on his phone/laptop and ordering my daughter out of her own bedroom,I dont leave them.alone now unsupervised as he cant be trusted with her.
If your partners son is anything like mine then he will only get worse and if it wasnt for our daughter me and him.wouldnt be together now,id of left him ages ago but I dont see why my daughter should have to miss growing up with her daddy because his son is a little violent miserable fucker.I feel a lot of resentment towards my partner for pussyfooting around his son so much and being scared to upset him by disciplining him,I find him quite pathetic if im honest and as time goes on Im finding it harder and harder to deal with.
OH HELL NO
If his son touches my daughter and my husband doesn't do a thing, WE ARE FUCKING GONE. He will lose both of us. That's the difference, I would NOT stay with that piece of shit. If he is letting his trash ass son abuse your daughter that's disgusting not to mention I feel the SAME way you do. It hasn't happened yet but I only see him getting worse. I have a feeling my husband will let his son do stuff in our home but not allow our daughter. The double standard will NOT happen because we will just leave. I won't tolerate it. I will not have my daughter grow up in a negative unfair environment like that.
I am austensibly an adult (54
I am austensibly an adult (54 in actual years... 13 according to my bride) and have been a T-1 diabetic for nearly 38 years.
My/our success in nutrician has come with purging our home of crap. That works. Not only does it support my efforts to normalize my Blood Glucose it has helped result in my bride and I losing an combined 130Lbs in 14mos. 75 for me, 55 for her. She is down a total of 100 over the past 7 years with the last 55 being in parallel with my 14mo weight loss.
Don't allow any of the crap that is causing the issues in the home and the kid eats what is available and control will be gained in a few short days. The kid can scream until he passes out but he will eat eventually.
It is working for us without the screaming.... though both of us have been close to screaming a couple of times over the past year+.
As for screen time.... we took care of that by purging out home of video games of any size and shutting down the internet and cable. We had SMART house so we could do it easily from our house hub.
Reading, actual activities, etc, etc, etc.... went through the roof once we did that.
This is not rocket science of brain surgery. There is no need to treat it as such.
Confront the behaviors, remove what causes those behaviors and don't tolerate those behaviors.
Obviously
You're acting like I don't want to do this? It's my husband's son and he won't let me make any decisions. He will feed him whatever he wants because "he doesn't want his 3 year old to starve" I'm the opposite if my child doesn't eat what I give her then she waits until the next meal. I agree with you completely it isn't rocket science but my husband thinks I'm being mean if I try to discipline his son. It's really obnoxious.
Please don't misinterpret my
Please don't misinterpret my intentions. I get that you know clearly what to do. I get that the problem is your DH.
I am saying... just do it. Not to go all Nike commercial on you but.... pitch the crap, cut the power cords to the electronics (Make sure they are unplugged first please), and shove the kid out the door into the backyard to either entertain himself or suffer. His choice.