I found the same thing, its a loss of control in your own home - that part I dislike about disengaging.

I have 2 bios and my DH has 2 kids. We don't share rules - we were supposed to, but DH doesn't enforce and it didn't go over well when I enforced the rules evenly since the skids never had rules and I had no backup - just like you described your weekend is DH.

If he even bothers to punish, which is rare, he never follows through. The skids know punishment is a joke - they just wait it out and keep asking and eventually just like in your post, the electronic is returned and perhaps DH will say, well just this once as long as you understand why you were punished. Skids play the system really well. I just remind myself that none of that is my responsibility and if DH wants to raise his kids without consequence that is fine, but its hands off my kids - I no longer allow DH any say in my kids - the odd time I ask his opinion, sometimes he gives advice which I listen but hardly take to heart anymore. That is also part of my disengagement - no say for DH in my kids since I have no say or bearing on his - fair is fair.

I step over messes. I used to put skid items on their chairs so it can be taken to their rooms - now I just step over the mess or kick it to the side closer to the wall - or shove it around their chair so they have to step over it to get to sit to eat dinner. I let their clean clothing pile up on the sofa until DH makes them take it up to their rooms, if it gets knocked down on the floor from SS kicking it off while playing video games, I just step over it - or on it - they obviously don't care for their belongings - why should I?

I make meals with foods I like, when they complain nothing is good I just shrug and point to the kitchen - please go ahead you are welcome to make yourself anything you want - if you don't know how, there is the cereal and the milk - enjoy. No skin off me anymore - if DH wants to jump up and make a meal - by all means, please do, I would happliy give up that duty - but he doesn't want to so a ready made dinner is all he is getting.

Once you start, you will progress into other areas here and there. A few things I can't deal with yet. My laptop, its mine, BM got a laptop which SS7 uses all the time now, so he has taken it upon himself to use mine whenever he pleases. It drives me mad, I have no reason to kick him off it other than I don't want him touching it. Since booting him resulted in him attached to it the moment I turned my back, I moved it to the kitchen where there is nowhere to sit, now he can't use it. There are 2 other PCs in this house, he doesn't need to be on my laptop - things like that bother me. Don't touch my stuff skids, don't touch my stuff.

If you have a bio child by the time your child is old enough to do chores, in say 4 years, ss11 will be 16 (including pregnancy starting soon!!) so soon he'll be out the door and the two older ones will be soon gone too if not already. Then you can rais eyour own bio child in peace How nice that will be! Maybe wait a couple or 3 more years and make it even nicer!! When my ss15 was 12 I had to do more "hands on" parenting with him too b/c his bm had not trained him at all and dh (so at the time) though he was a good dad there are just things a mom has to teach a kid, so I made meals and did laundry, cleaned his room once in awhile, but now that he is 15 he pretty much does his own things. Every once in awhile I still have to ask him to clean his room and if he doesn't like the food I cook he just eats top ramen or cereal or makes himself sandwiches. No big deal anymore, but there was a time when it almost all fell on my shoulders :/

Good luck with your new found "freedom"!