These are his kids, not yours. No matter how well you treat them, provide for them and give them they will never treat you the way you deserve to be treated. This is the role of a step parent. It sucks!! Right now it seems your boyfriend is thrilled just to have them around all the time. After a while he won't be so happy about everything they do and things will fall into a better and more routine situation. If you love him try to hang in there but be for warned that every day will be a challenge.

Stand up for yourself now or it will only get worse! It's your and his house together and the kids don't pay for it so there should be rules that you and him can agree on. If he is unwilling to set rules and chores (because nobody should have to keep a house clean by themself if they are not the only one living in it) then you really need to tell him how you are feeling. If he refuses to give a little then yes, it's time to leave.

I have been about to scream since yesterday and today I found this site and found your post and relief... I'm here fed up and going through the same things...but here is about my 14 years old step son first time visiting us for the summer....deep down I can tell you my secret....I think at this point I can HATE HIM!!! His mother, father and grandparent must have spoiled him rotten and it is all on me now I have to hear his offensive topics of conversation, deal with his horrendous and rude behavior, him bossing his father and grand parents, and him pushing his father and grandparents to buy all sort of things for him.

There are no consequences neither of them see no harm in his behavior instead they laugh about it, my husband refuses to make him accountable for his actions and because I strongly suggest making him accountable, I;m becoming in the eyes of my husband as the evil wicket step mom.

I strongly suspect his behavior is tainted buy his mother in spite I wasn't the cause of their divorce. I came in to the pic a year later ....but worst than my step son is my husband that refuses to punish him for his horrendous behavior..and the way he defend him and excuses his bad behavior as a phase makes me want to throw everything out the window, and run fast and furious away from it all.

Yesterday we took a long drive with him and his grandma and I can't understand and that is what I kept asking my husband afterward, how can you guy accept such horrendous behavior as normal but to no avail they continue applauding him for everything he does and to them he is just been a cute child.

What to do?? today after my husband and I are barely taking after yesterday I was seriously thinking about consequences and it all sparked...Ever since day one I have been trying to spare them all from having to deal with a trouble kid becoming a trouble man for life but as I see it they can care less...

so I have decided from now on to let them continue their ways with this kid and have them experience their own consequences then exert my terms and set my foot down ...as long as his disrespectful behavior is not aimed at me. As long as his father stand by the rule that this kid does not disrespect me or else scold him for that, he can do what ever else he wants and for that matter they all want. thank you

and if God forbid this kid ends up in jail of worst they will all have to deal with it cause I can say I TOLD YOU SO!!

SO THAT WILL BE MY NEST AND NEW APPROACH....cross my fingers so it work

In the words of my very, very wise and kind mother when I complained to her about my boyfriend's children: "Sweetie, that's what children are: Blood-sucking little leeches!" Though I was so upset at the time, I had to laugh. And to be honest, I think that when all else fails - laugh. This is a very, very difficult situation. You love your boyfriend, and it comes with territory that is difficult to accept.

I don't agree with your boyfriend for reprimanding you (on a number of different levels). Of course he is going to love his kids unconditionally and always stick up for them, but at a time when you are calm and rational, I believe you need to say to him that it hurts you when he reprimands you for reprimanding them. After all, you are being human and defending yourself. I'm actually really impressed that you have the balls to reprimand the kids - I let mine walk all over me because they're "not my kids".

My therapist says that communication is key (like all therapists, I'm sure). Talk to your husband about how you feel. Talk to the children about how you feel. Use sentences like, "I feel frustrated when you..."

Believe me, you are not alone. How do we take on this unnatural living situation of being with a man you love and children whom you did not birth? It is hard work and patience. Time is your best friend. When you're angry, go for a drive, or a walk. Think it out. Talk it out. And know that there are a lot of people doing the same

It makes me relieved and sad at the same time going through all these forums and topics?

have you come across any successful stories of overcoming these feelings for the (soon to be) stepchildren? :? :?

or just creating a clear order in the household. It must be possible no?

Wow! It's very intersting because we seem to be in a very similar situation. I am not legally married to my boyfriend of 3 years and he also obtained legal custody of his two boys ages 4 and 8 last year. It's been a tough ride espeically since these boys were raised by their grandparents and given anything and everything they wanted. When they moved in with us, they were suprised to find out that there was rules that were to be followed. The 4 year old was a terror but we finally got him in a good place, but whenever he goes to see his grandparents he reverts back to the old ways. The 8 year old is an emotional wreck becuase of all that he has been through with his biological mother so that's a challenge on it's own. It's nice to vent and have some feedback from others experiencing the same thing. I find myself getting more and more frustrated with the situation, but I know that I do love my boyfriend and his kids so much and I also think on the positive side that they are in a better place and will be better people becasue of this change. You just have to stay strong and although it's very frustrating, you just need to try to talk to him. If he loves those kids and you, then he will work it out!

My boyfriend does the same thing. He only has 1 daughter but she is a spoiled brat & he has made it pretty clear (without actually saying it) that he doesn't want me to be involved in disciplining her- but that's because he doesn't want her to be disciplined at all. She is only 2 1/2 but I feel like if he doesn't start to put his foot down now, it is only going to get worse as she gets older!

I am the evil step mother in everyone elses eyes except my stepdaughter and my husband. Her mother and his family try very hard to paint me as one. I am going thru alot of issues and have been for years but I can say that we have gotten thru the disclipine issue. She has to fall OUR rules that we have in place for ALL the children in the house. It took time and work but it worked so now she knows how she is expected to behave in our home and what will happen if she doesn't. There will be a punishment.

My advice would be to stand firm on what you believe and continue to talk to him about it now fight about it (easier said then done believe me)

I totally commend you for stepping up and trying to be a parent to these children. One thing you may want to reflect on is are you and he on board with co-parenting? When I decided to get seriously involved with my BF (father of two girls) I advised him that I wanted to be involved. Not replace the BM but to assist in the raising of the girls. To provide a positive stable environment though with that that I would expect to be able to handle time outs and such if and when necessary. Not seeking total control or to be the overlord type authoritarian but to be a maternal parental influence that they were not getting. He agrees with me and backs me up 100% on anything that comes up. We communicate regularly on parenting styles and what we feel is best for the girls. Luckily we both have similar styles. When they do differ he hears me out and discuss it and if at the end of the day I don't agree with something (Hasn't happened yet) then I would differ to him as he is their father.
So to sum it up. You need to talk with your BF and find out what he thinks. You need to know that he respects you and expects his children to respect you. If he feels it's okay to discipline you in front of his son for calling him out on something then take a step back and realize...you are not only being disrespected by his child but by him too AND he is showing his children that they can treat you in this lack of respect as well.
Figure out in what way you love him and in what way he loves you.
Sometimes we let our passion or just comfort blind us to what we deserve.

Try leaving for a weekend, or even a day. Since I stay at home with our 4 kids, it is expected that I continue the dirty work on the weekends. My DH had the nerve to pick a fight with me, telling me I yell at his girls too much! Hell ya I yell too much, because I am ignored all day every day!!! The next day I just happened to be going to a dinner party. I left just before dinnertime and came home long after the kids were in bed...a much needed break! My DH was SO frazzled by his darling children's behavior that he apologized and proceeded to complain about their horrible behavior and how they don't listen! LOL }:) Um hello?! So I yell too much?! I wonder why!!

Fast forward to the forum titled "Adult Stepchildren Issues" you can read more about the misery of a future with this man in those posts.
seriously, life should not be this hard. love? i think that sounds like WORK, not love.

By some miracle you are not married or obligated to this man. things will never get any better or less frustrating. you will be the thankless
slave and never be put first in anyones mind.

Do NOT volunteer for this.

Got Nike's? Good, put them on, and RUN in the opposite direction of this mess.