My grandkids live half a day's journey away- I see them about four times a year. I have family on the other side of the world and I see them once every few years. Sometimes being separated from family is a feature of every day life, but there are lots of ways around it. Does he write to them? Getting letters in the post is a rare thing these days but I send my grandsons postcards when I've been somewhere and having that thing drop on the doormat is a lovely surprise.

He can ring them? Just a quick but regular hello can keep those ties stronger. And Skype or Facetime? Lots of people do this when they are far away from loved ones- e-mail and of course Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with long distance relatives- you can share videos and photos. All of these things can be done without SD or yourself intruding too much.

I would suggest these ideas to DH instead of feeling so guilty- soon his grandkids may be able to travel alone to see him without their mum. although I presume he misses her too. Don't be harsh on yourself- tell him how you feel and let him develop ideas of his own. They are his grandkids after all, don't let it become a focus of resentment or guilt between you.

Like Fairyo says, there are other ways of being in touch - like Fairyo, one of my sets of grandkids are half a day's journey away, the other are 2 hours away in the other direction.  There is Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts.  After I left the county I lived in to come and live with DH, I moved 2 hours away from my own daughters, one of them was only 19 at the time, and then I only saw them in person a handful of times a year - you just get used to it. 

He can go visit them. I live in another country I don't have the money to travel. I don't speak to my SM either. I would speak to her if I was in the same space, but I haven't been in the same space with her for about 20 years and I'm happy to keep it that way.  She behaved toward me horribly when she was visiting my house once and I don't have any desire to put myself in that position again, last straw for me. I disengaged! She has made me feel very unwelcome, so I have no desire to go to her house, and I'm not even sure she wants me there. My dad visits me here to see his only grandchild. 

My husband’s grandson lives about 10 minutes away.   My DH rarely sees him because SS33 ‘s GF is still pissed since I banned them from my home after their deplorable home invasion while we were on vacation. She thinks DH should “make me behave” and let them use my vacation properties.  Silly girl  

 Not my problem.   SS and the GF are just dead to me. My DH can work out his relationship with them however he chooses. I take no ownership of their issues. 

Maybe your DH isn't thinking of the gskids when he looks at people with kids. Maybe it's just normal people watching.

Good for your DH for not leaving you at home while he vacations overseas. It isn't right or nice that these adult skids expect the bio parent to visit their kids and leave a spouse at home. It isn't like he is going down the street to visit. Would you leave and vacation overseas your DH if your adult kids treated him badly? I would not leave my spouse behind. He is not leaving you behind.

Don't feel guilty about it. Your DH has a hateful daughter. Not your fault. The gskids may be raised to dislike you.

if your DH wants to communicate with the gskids, he will. 

Adult skids believe it is okay to exclude a family member (stepparent), on holidays, events, and vacations. On the other hand, God forbid if their exclusion games are not met with open arms by the bio parent who happens to respect his/her spouse and doesn't want to visit them or the gskids. Oh well, adult steps, maybe they should play nice and stop with the mean games.

Do not do anything. Your DH may simply not like the fact his wife is being excluded and treated like gum on the bottom of a shoe by his DD. My DH doesn't see his gskids because he said he doesn't want to deal with the drama and the BS his bio kids dish out. They don't want to participate in any of my DH's life events, so he sees no reason to participate in theirs. 

Maybe his adult daughter is trying to make him feel guilty. My DH's have done this and continue to from time to time.

Good luck to you

One big factor that has nothing to do with you is that the kids live overseas.  That means there is a natural barrier that prevents frequent opportunities to see them.  That is not your fault.

Now, I don't know your situation.. are you well off or struggling.. retired or both working..because if money is not a huge issue and he is retired, I see nothing wrong with him taking a trip or two to visit and see his grandkids (without dealing with the ex..lol).  Do you go or stay home?  It depends.. do they live somewhere you would like to visit?  Then go with and maybe even invite a friend so you have someone to hang out with while your DH plays grandpa.  Or maybe you stay home and catch up on some things you want to do without him.  Married couples don't have to be joined at the hip.  It sounds like the dislike is pretty mutual with you and his child so I don't think I would be upset at not being included.

Beyond that the other means of keeping in touch are good email/skype etc..  I remember at one point, my grandmother and I were Pen Pals (that was a thing..lol) we moved due to being military so we never were anywhere close to where she lived.

The bottom line is that it is on your DH to decide what kind of relationship he wants with his kids and grandkids.  He can be more proactive.  Your job would be to refrain from disparaging remarks about his daughter etc..

It sounds like their visits are so rare that it shouldn't be a huge imposition to make other plans for yourself when they are in town.. I would do that as my compromise so that he can see the kids.  Should you have to?  no.. but in the end, what do you want to accomplish... happier DH.. with little skin off your nose? 

Your DH's daughter was raised in dysfunction and has been poisoned against him and anyone in his life. You are merely collateral damage.

When we love, we want to take care of and protect that person, but second marriages are different from first ones in that each person brings and is responsible for their own baggage. Would you go to your DH's work and tell his boss you dont like the way she/he treats him? Of course not; that's his problem to handle, and so is his bratty adult daughter.

I've said before that so many of us here are the architects of our own suffering. I certainly was. I became overly involved in my DH's relationships with his family and kids. I thought I knew best, and that I could help bring everyone closer, but all I did was interfere with an existing paradigm and the life lessons that everyone had in front of them.

It can be difficult to know what our role is and isn't in steplife, but no one can or should try to save another adult human being from the consequences of their actions and choices. We all have our own path in life. My life got immeasurably better when I stopped trying to fix what had been broken long before I entered the picture. So, try to focus on loving your partner, building a positive, high quality life and a happy home. If your DH wants to tackle the issues concerning his relationship with his daughter one day he will.