I need help
Hello. I’m new here and very happy to have found this community. I’ve been at my whits end and not sure where to go from here.
My ss is eight, for a few years now family and friends (myself included) have suspected that he has some form of autism and hyper activity disorder. He talks to himself all the time, repeats movie lines over and over, stairs off into space, has difficulty focusing, can’t make eye contact, refuses to socialize in group gatherings, gets violently upset when he perceives himself to lose at things, takes hours to eat a meal, is obsessive about very specific things, etc. All very obvious signs of an issue to everyone looking in. And it’s getting worse as he gets older.
Before covid hit his teacher had flagged him as needing to be evaluated. Then covid hit with school being distance learning focused and no one has done anything else to investigate.
His bio mother is in complete denial that anything is wrong. His dad has admitted that he thinks his son may have a problem. But I believe him to be so fearful of having to accept a formal diagnosis that he refuses to seek medical help. I recently asked him if he had discussed getting a doctors appointment set with with his sons bio mom and his response was, “I don’t think he needs it.” I was in shock and said, “are you serious?!”
His father allows his behavior and doesn’t try to do anything to remedy it. I mention that he needs to seek medical advice so all of the adults in ss life know how to help raise him. But just get a lecture about how nothing is wrong and I should mind my own business.
This living situation is getting so hard for me to be in. We have a one year old son together and I hate the thought of these issues breaking us up. But, honestly, it’s getting to be too much. I find myself resenting my ss and dreading the time he spends at our house.
I just don’t know what to do. He seriously needs help and he needs it soon before it’s too late to teach him how to manage these things. But there’s nothing I can do. I’ve thought about calling child protective services and reporting that the bio parents are neglecting to provide medical help for ss. But that just seems very dramatic.
I really don’t know what to do.
That's sad, and the sooner he
That's sad, and the sooner he gets help, the better prognosis he will have.
You don't mention it, but are you the one handling his behavioral issues? Do you have to spend hours with him while he eats and deal with his outbursts? If so, immediately turn all of that over to DH. It's more likely that he will see the problems if he's the one dealing with him. If he wants you to "mind your own business", then do so - your business is your son, and he can deal with 100% of everything related to his son.
Hi. My daughter has autism
Hi. My daughter has autism but I’m in the U.K. so things may work slightly differently.
If that were me (is there going to be any school starting in a few weeks where you are), I would (or your SO could do it) schedule a meeting at the school at the first available opportunity.
Also, I would flag this up at your drs surgery too in case you need to be referred to a specialist. But keep the school in the loop because the school will help you by making useful behaviour/academic reports.
I think he has a father
Your DH must get his DS help. Don't leave it to others ie school. As a parent your DH has to do something,anything,
I would think twice before having children with such a bad parent
"If nothing is wrong, then
"If nothing is wrong, then what is the harm in the evaluation? If something is wrong, you are getting him the help he needs- there is not a single downside into doing it"
My SS20 is Autistic and a sprinkling of other things. Trust me when I say the more help and resources you get early, the better.
My daughters diagnosis came
My daughters diagnosis came from observations from myself, a speech therapist, her nursery school (they write a report of skillls and behaviour) and a paediatrician.
It is useful for the drs to have school info there for cross reference, as it makes diagnosis a lot easier.
So whereas yes it is your partners responsibility to get him help - as far as I can see it is a good thing to keep the school involved. Plus surely he would be given additional support with things like homework.
Don’t think of it as passing the buck, think of it a a multi disciplinary approach.
I personally feel a my daughters diagnosis is a good thing, as it gives us goals to work towards.
It doesn’t define her. Eg she is my daughter and she happens to have autism.
If the partner is worried that they are going to have every inch of their life scrutinised- that doesn’t happen they usually stick to asking questions such as what milestones they achieved at what age, and what behaviours people are worried about, things like that.
- however, the others are right. Please don’t become a carer or the main carer whilst others have their head in the sand.
I can't say I have any advice
I can't say I have any advice for you because I felt like I could have written this post. All I can say, is if nothing happens to help this child, it will only get worse. I am currently in a position where I have told DH I don't want his son around my own. I truly is a shame when bio parents turn there heads and look the other way in these circumstances. Good luck to you.
I've been in a similar
I've been in a similar situation. I flagged with DH about 2 years ago that I thought SS13 (then 11) was displaying some traits consistent with ADD/ADHD. BM didn't want a bar of investigating it, so it went nowhere - until a few weeks ago when his school flagged he should have testing, lo and hehold he scored highly for possible ADHD and they recommended further follow up with a developmental paed. So perhaps encouraging the school to be the one to do the testing is the way to get something done.