Advice. Does it get bettert?
I just moved in with my girlfriend of over 2 years. She has 2 kids, a 13 y/o girl and an 11 y/o boy. I have an 18 year old boy who is going to college. I love my girlfriend very much but I really have a hard time with her kids. I just don't like them very much. I have seen them do terrible mean things to her. They can be very disrespectful and mean to me. The girl has told me to F off multiple times. The weird thing is that they only act that way at home but when we are out in town or around people they act much better. My question is, does it get better? I don't know if I should try and work this out or break it off. Does anyone have a story that it gets better and the step kids are more respectful and your relationship improves? It seems like every story I read on this site, the advice is too run away. Thanks for your input.
It won't get better unless
It won't get better unless you and GF lay down the law and consistently stand by it - together. Otherwise, nope. I like Echo's "raining fresh hell down on them" comment, there is a measure of truth to it because without consistent reinforcement of boundaries and expectations, you will NOT reign in a teenager. Teenagers cannot be negotiated with, they cannot be allowed to disrespect adults in the home, and they must be given appropriate boundaries; otherwise, you're asking for increasing levels of hell as they become the ones who establish the boundaries.
I would have a talk with GF and let her know that if you plan on taking the relationship ANYWHERE, this needs to happen. Otherwise, you have to decide for yourself if living like this is merely surviving, and if it is worth it.
Thanks for the reply's and I
Thanks for the reply's and I agree with all of you. Only the girl is a teenager by the way, her boy is 11. I was just hoping to hear a positive story, I knew what I was getting into and I hoped I could help the situation. I still do, I hope we can work it out but I am not very happy when they are around. There are good days and bad days, seems to be about 60-40 with more bad than good. I just need to figure out if I am willing to live like this which I am not sure I want to do. Thanks again.
Wow, being told to F off.
Wow, being told to F off. Sorry about that. My SS 20 who is trying and has been a handful for 14 years, has never even thought about that, well maybe thought about it but never did it. He has done that once or twice with his mother which each time he was kicked out but that was never an option with me. Sorry, its not going to get better. Try disengaging if you can tolerant that disrespect. Disengaging helped me through a lot once I had reached my end. I still get drawn into the BS now and then but as all posts here, everyone is dealing with something a little bit different.
'raining down fresh hell' is
'raining down fresh hell' is my new favorite!!!
in all seriousness, I agree w/echo.
Disengage, and recalculate the value of this relationship.
Teenagers suck. especially these days.
sorry!
I don't know but But my DH
I don't know but
But my DH children were like that with their mother's new husband and she wouldn't allow him to discipline them...i.e. to take their privileges away. They curse and scream at their mom if they don't get what they want. They F-off their step father who basically supported them and their mother. It got so bad that the guy filed for divorce and made a very generous offer to their mother. Even the mother's attorney said take it because she won't get that much if they go to court...close to 800K. Anyway she spent them all within 3 years...So answer your questions...It's not likely, especially if she doesn't discipline them or allow you to do it.
Best of luck.
A.
It will only get better if
It will only get better if you climb up their asses and stay there until they adopt the behaviors of respectful children. Many will tell you that it is not your problem but if you are going to make a life with the mother of these hell spawned little shits it will take a firm boot applied vigorously to their snarky backsides to keep their heads out of their own asses.
If they do not comply with respectful behavioral standards, apply the boot the ass. Figuratively ... or literally. Your call.
The relationship with the Skids will not improve unless you set the standards and enforce them.
Your SO has a choice. Partner with you in enforcing the standards and step up and get it done before you have to or...... STFU while you do it.
If my Skid had ever disconnected his brain from his behavior to the point of telling me or my wife to Fuck Off, particularly as a teen, it would have cost him a backhand across the foul mouthed lips and a trip out the door on his ass.
Anything short of enforcing standards firmly will very likely put an as yet to be determined end date on your relationship.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
you might consider family
you might consider family counseling with them! They may feel like your relationship with their mother threatens theirs. Speaking to a professional can help them work it out.
It will get better only if
It will get better only if you set and enforce the boundaries of acceptable behavior in your home. Your GF has a choice, get on board, step up, and parent before you have to or bite her tongue.
As for the run vs stay advice...... There are some situations that are intollerable. Many STalkers have experienced their own version of intollerable and when they see someone describing a similar situation they advise according to their own experiences. The fact is that if you and your GF do not immediately get on board a common platform regarding establishement and enforcement of acceptable kid behavior you are better off to cut your losses and get out now.