This is just some babbling about what I have learned about anger over the years.

I was realizing that I had an anger problem when I was a teenager.
I did not know how to deal with it. I had no help with it. It was just there. the angry people in my life taught me how it works.
So as I grew up, I learned to believe that anger is something that other people caused me to feel. And I would stay angry for long periods of time. the more mad I got, the longer it lasted.

But every now and then, anger would be brief and short. Forgiveness came easily.
I was puzzled by this but the feeling of being a great and all understanding person overcame me and I felt good by it so I never gave it much thought.
These moments were few and far between. but they did happen.

I spent about 9 months with a counseling group.
I ended up there because my wife and I were going to try to go to a marriage counselor.
And I remember the counselor pulled me aside during our 1st session and asked me if I would be interested in being a part of a group. She described this group like this, "Not just anyone can join, this is by invite only and only by a counselor.
I wasn't very interested, and she said just come to one and decide then.
So I did.

Well as it turns out, the all knowing counselor knew my wife at the time was not coming back to me.
She would not work on this marriage.
She knew I needed answers, And saw in me that I would work on my issues.
So that puts me in a strange situation.
I am here to work on my marriage that is no longer in existence. by myself with no one there to tell me what is wrong with me.
So I was realizing that I had to dig deep and be honest with myself to try and fix this problem.
My counselor did tell me that I am 1/2 the problem. And as wrong as I felt she was, I had to understand this or my relationships will always end. After all at this time in my life 100% of my relationships failed.

That little dialog of going to a therapist may have seemed a little off topic, but I wanted to get the point across that working on yourself is hard, it is invading it is very uncomfortable.
Answers do not come to you. Your counselor will not tell you what is wrong and what you must do to fix this.
They only show you how to think. how to learn. They get your mind working like it should.
So during this stage of my life I was digging deep into myself.

So my thing to deal with was "CONTROL"
My wife at the time said I control her. I did not know how I was controlling her. I never told her what to do.
So in my mind how could I be accused of controlling her?

One day I got mad.
I was angry. and luckily I was in the state of mind to sit and think about anger.
I decided to break it down to the molecular level and understand it completely.

I saw that anger is a temper tantrum.
I see temper tantrums in children or babies.
And that is something you out grow so I saw anger as something you can out grow as well.

So I decided to jot down what made me angry every time I got mad.
And over the course of time I looked at my anger issues.
And it hit me strait in the face!

ANGER IS A CONTROL ISSUE!

The only way I ever got mad was because something was out of my control.
If I banged my finger and hurt myself? I didn't cry. I got mad at what I could not control. (my hammer)
I just did something stupid and that makes me feel ignorant and I don't want to feel that way so ANGER came out.
I was out of control with my feelings.

If I am stating a point to someone who does not seem to understand or care about what I am saying.
I get mad. A temper tantrum hits me and I yell.
I am not necessarily trying to prove I am right. I just want to be understood. So during an argument, I can't control what the other is thinking about me, I can't make them see. so frustration hits and I can't control the feeling so Anger comes out. A temper tantrum.

Now knowing this, I thought, Oh sweet! I will be able to control my anger now.
And well with no wife around anymore I seemed to be proving to myself I have "anger control".
I was wrong.
I still have anger issues. Or should I say CONTROLL issues.
And at this point I find that the only thing I did learn to control so far, is my "anger length" how long I would stay mad. And I learned that I can show forgiveness faster with the anger out of the way.

There is still growing I need to do.
There is a maturity that I long for. A patience that knows, allot of things don't matter. At least, at that impatient point in time I am trying to cope with.

So I feel that if I learn a new mature level of patience... this will release the need for control.
Patience will wait and see. Patience does not care who is wrong or right.