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D13 Caught Lying

FourWalls's picture

Submitted by FourWalls on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 1:43am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

I'm the BD of three girls 19,16 and 13, and my DW has been nothing but the best supportive, available adult to them, helping them through the rough patches of being a teenager, especially on subjects that young girls would not speak to their dad about.

We have definitely lost D16 a year ago, D19 is loyal to BM whenever we try to parent her, and we just caught D13 lying to us.

I had hope for D13, she is the only one who asks to see us(me?) more often than what is stated on the divorce papers. For her 13th birthday, and as a reward for her excellent year at school, we took her to our favorite city on a shopping spree. Today, 2 months later, we discover that half of those clothes were for D16, who doesn't want to see me and haven't seen for a year!

My DW is devastated, feels humiliated. I am ashamed! DW and I have a 9mo DD, and we need to focus more on making a healthy environment for her, get rid of all the bs, bad behavior from my PASed kids. D19 has more and more last minute excuses not to come see us, D16 is history, and it is now becoming clear that D13 is bored with us.

I am ready to confront D13, no matter the consequences with BM! I just haven't figured out yet the best approach. One thing is sure, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES. I will do what is best for my DW and DD!

Any tip on approach will be appreciated..

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 6:09am

The next time DD comes over, take away something she really likes for the entire length of her visit, like her mp3 player. Have her write, "I will never lie" 100 times. I have to say I don't think there's much you can do about her buying DD 19 clothes. Did you ask her point blank to not buy clothes for DD 19 and she agreed to your face?

Also, I know there is parental alienation going on, but do you also think some of it couldbe she's a teen, and she wants to do more of her own thing with friends too?

Dannee's picture

Submitted by Dannee on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:37am

I so don't agree with this..

When you punish the child you get nothing gained

and nothing learned from the whole deal..

Talk to your daughter, listen to her, let her talk again..

Listen deeply to what she is saying....

You can let her know your feelings on what has happened but punishing
her is not the answer...

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 12:57pm

First, gifts are gifts and D13 can do whatever she wants with them.
Second, what she did was chickenshit. No doubt.

I would tell her I know what her plan was and what she has done with the clothes. Tell her you are very hurt by her actions and in the future, your gifts to her will be donations to a charity in her name.

FourWalls's picture

Submitted by FourWalls on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 4:07pm

Thanks Oi Vey, your suggestion to donate her future gifts to charity in her name is very good: it will teach her a lesson and be useful to someone

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 10:35pm

Thanks. DH has decided to do that with his kids because the ONLY time we hear from them lately is for $$ and/or gifts.
They're getting a goat to a third world country for Christmas this year Blum 3

AliceP's picture

Submitted by AliceP on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 10:31pm

I'm curious as to how you dealt with this. I am so tired of getting skids wish lists everytime DH is on the phone with them, I'm tired of sending care packages and little gifts every month and not getting so much as a phone call or an email saying they got it, loved it, hated it, thanks, no thanks anything!!! I am so tired of when they are here us shelling out money for silly little things and the only comments we hear back are "I wanted the bigger one" "We didn't stay long enough" etc... Both sides are to blame the BM's for not teaching them simple manners and appreciation, and the non custodials for trying to "win" them over. I really like the donation idea.