My SS-18 has a SpermIdiot similar to the one you describe you Skids have. But, we have never had to force visitation. SpermGrandMa takes the SpermIdiots visitation. BioDad has little to do with our son which is a good thing IMHO. If I could arrange a mass catastrophe at a SpermClan family reunion to get them out of my Skid's life it would be very tempting. I like your enthusiasm as far a going after your Skids' Spermidiot's knee caps.

I agree with Foxie. Your Skids are old enough to be home alone while you and your bride spend time together. Or, I would drop them off at dad's on your way to the airport. I see nothing wrong with forcing BioDad to live up to his parental responsibilities every once in a while and take his kids for a week or two.

Foxie is right BTW. Court ordered visitation only forces the CP to give the kid to the NCP for visitation it does not force the NCP to actually take the kid.

Hang in there.

Best regards,

I think its there way of controlling the ex's time. We are lucky we don't have this problem with the BM, but I would love to break her knee caps at times. Her mom left, her brothers just left their kids, and I often ask my DH why she couldn't have just followed the pattern. My older two don't want to spend their time there, and we have to force them too

You're describing my exhusband. It is very fustrating, and I do understand about having no time together without dealing with children, and feeling like things would be better for my husband and his sons if I were to back out of the picture. Parents who focus on themselves soley and were not available to their children before the divorce won't be any different after the divorce. It would be my guess your wife's ex does not want the responsibity of his own children whih is very unfortunate for the children. My ex was all about broken promises, lies, and sheer abandonment physically and emotionally to our girls. Caught up in an affair when our youngest was less than a year old, we divorced, and basically he forfeited his role. My daughtrs grew up very hurt, not understanding why their dad left them and made no contact. He created a new family and spent time with them but not our daughters. He was not there for them at the major events in their lives. Yet, even after I marrried he would not relinquish is rights. As adults my daughters sought ou heir father.....they are now 25 & 30. Both have come to the conclusion that he is a selfish man and that they will never have a fatehr/daughter relationship with him because he is so into himself and has no room for them in his life.

It totally does suck when it is a stepkid situation because hey...they're not ours... BUT in a nuclear family where there is no x or spermclan, or anyone that can take the kids off your hands for a minute let alone for a night, you just have to find more creative ways of getting that couple time. The same is true for stepfamilies. I can say as a biomom, I would NEVER force anyone that obviously didn't want my kids around to take them.

My x is the same way, only he would actually MAKE plans with them and get them all excited, and then the night before, cancel on them. So not only did I have to change my plans with my current hubby, I had to pick up the pieces of my children's broken hearts.

The guy is a jerk. You know he is a jerk. Always have a plan B.

Stepguy:
I know the feeling; I use to go through the same thing. It happened all the time, and as me being the step father I just stayed out of it and let it happen. I think that SS17 suffered more then we did. Yeah it messed up our plans and I would get frustrated and pushed out of shape but I just dealt with it. At the same time I would always welcome SS17. That was when the court order was a 50/50 thing. Then my DW had to go out of town for a couple of weeks to visit her dad and we had plans SS17 was to stay with his dad the 2 weeks. Well there was a big fight and 10 minutes after I dropped SS17 off at his dad's house, I get a call from SS17 to pick him back up. SS17's dad told him to stay with me. His dad won't talk to me because he is weak. Now SS17 lives with us all the time. SS17 won't have anything to do with his own dad. That was a few years ago. SS17 and I still haven't bonded after 8 years, but he would rather stay with me then his own dad. Hopefully our relationship will get better, we'll see. I guess when I married my DW I knew it wasn't going to be smooth sailing. I do know that my DW appreciates what I go through. I guess it's all about the Skids even if he is spoiled rotten.

Feel your pain, the wife has SD14 SS8, we've been together for 5 yrs, and their dad is an absolute jack-ass, he literally told the kids he never wants to see them again because they don't like his girlfriend (whom has a rather questionable career), while me and the SD are close since we share similar interests and we can actually have a good time and chat, she even have said she wished I was her dad, the SS is harder to deal with thou, everything was ok for a while, we had one weekend to ourselves every two weeks, but then the BD told us he doesn't want to pay for the child support, yell at the SD saying its all her fault that he can't have a happy life, saying how the SD made his relationship impossible with his gf and he chose his gf over the kids.

so now we have sole custody, which in a way sucks, I have no kids (well.... a dog, who I treat like my own child), so we don't have any alone times, I had planned a nice two weeks vacation in Europe and all that had to be canceled because of it.

Some people just don't deserve to have kids.

Ok question-why can't the 15yr old stay home alone one night??? Honestly I think when you are given a circumstance like this you adjust. It's nice to hear your perspective. My exh is very much like this. I know my bf gets frustrated-particularly because HE gets shit on all the time whenver his exw wants time to herself-so he ends up w/like 50pct custody...and here my ex takes the kis Sat noon or afternoon till Sunday early evening...EOW-3 days a month.

Has never taken the summer/spring/winter breaks or Holidays-

This coming week he's supposed to have them 9 days-per HIS offer to have them that week and the wknd prior and after-not sure how that will work as they have never been there more then 2 nights. I doubt it'll go that long-I hope it does they deserve to have bonding time with their dad and he with them.

I know ALL about selfish dads who live their own lives and give up caring about their kids-believe me. Again_i would ask her to re-think the 15yr old at home for one night-IMO he certainly is old enough and you guys can leave a phone in case of emergency-Im sure he's old enough to know to go to a neighbor, police in the event anything happens. He's 15, not 9

I have an idea that just might work...

Reverse psychology; the next time the ex cancels, have your wife tell him nonchalantly that it's okay because (step-dad) REALLY wanted to take them (name something that the ex does with the kids - to a game, fishing et cetera). It helps if she gushes a little about how excited the kids will be when they find out they can go! lol

Now; you will have to follow through and take them for this to work (in case he asks the kids later) but...

If the ex is doing this to cause friction in your family unit (which I'm sure he is) he won't like that his plan back-fired and brought you and his children closer together.

I've seen this work for a girlfriend of mine whose ex was always doing this to her. She even went as far as to THANK her ex for canceling. He NEVER cancelled again. lol

We must be sharing the same sperm-donor. My kids BD had visitations until he decided to kidnap them (whole other blog)then he had supervised visits. He had NOT even once in the last 6 1/2 -7 yrs seen my kids or paid CS in over 1 yr (never regular) So I have ALWAYS had my bio kids around. My DH knew this when we first started dating so it has never really been an issue. (at the time my oldest was 12 and the youngest was around 9)
I feel bad for you since you dont really get a break, but I really feel sorry for SD(sperm donor) b/c he's missing out on these wonderful kids of mine.
Would one of your parents or her parents watch them for you? maybe a friend?