Frustrated to the max
Hey guys, I'm a 25 year old army veteran. I currently live with my girlfriend and her two kids. She has a 4 year old daughter and a 8 year old boy at first the little girl would piss me off beyond belief because she was a spoiled brat. My girlfriend has her ex's grandmother watch them while she works and I can understand grandparents spoiling their grand children but this wasn't the case she would just give them whatever they asked to shut them up. But after talking with my gf and implementing a discipline plan the little girl has gotten better. The son however I can't stand he's not so much a spoiled brat but he's just been babied and picked on by his father so much that he might as well be a little girl. I know children should have a type of fear factor when they know their in trouble but this kid will get whinny and almost in tears if you even correct him on something without being upset that alone upsets me he'll put his head down get a real low voice and start to sound like he's about to cry. But that's not what bothers me the most what really grinds my gears is that the bio dad is a loser with no motivation to help his own son excel in life he's taught his boy that it's ok to take the easy way out in life in every situation possible. Because of this when I sit with the boy and help him do his homework he starts to cry when I don't accept his easy-way-out answers. It's so bad that the kid doesn't want to do anything in life he just wants to play video games and his career choice is to be a truck driver like his dad. Shit when I was his age I remember inspiring to be a firefighter or a cop. I know I have to take on the task of making this boy a man but it gets really frustrating especially when myself or his mother discipline him for something and he doesn't do it again until he goes to his dads house then comes back both of the kids are animals when they come back from that ladyboys house. Has anyone else had this problem or does anyone have any advice at all?
wowowowow, I think although
wowowowow, I think although you have the best ambitions, you need to step back a bit.Your main job is to support those kids mother but not to turn everything upside down.yes, those two sound annoying and maybe they are too whingy, but trust me, you can't be the one doing all those changes!! Their birth mother is the main responsible person.I am not saying you should not have a say- on the contrary- but it should be mainly her who disciplines etc.Together you can work out house rules for everybody!!
Lol typical weekend dad
Lol typical weekend dad syndrome!! Dads house is a resort to the child and hell for dads other half of there is one. Then they go home and the rare good bm's and their other half get to deal with the after math! Telling the bio dad does no good he may baby him more or cause drama my fh reacted like a complete ass when ss's bm said you are dad not a friend!!! I can't stand whiney asses and I am also not blinded to my own bk's stupidities call it like it is!!!! Hopefully, your wife tries to nip it at the bud and not make you the only disciplinarian. Team work makes the dream work!! Good luck!!!!!
First a for most I am not the
First a for most I am not the main disciplinary I don't call the shots my girlfriend and I both agreed on a set of rules for the household. I hold both kids to the standards she may let something's go as do I but I don't let them get away with as much as she does. Your talking to a person who would catch a beating if I even looked at my parents cross eyed I don't resent them and I don't hate them for it I deserved every beating I got and I never did drugs I never got in trouble with the law and I've always strived to better myself so I guess it's safe to say I didn't turn out so bad these kids do not get hit the worst punishment they get is go to bed with no tv and that is effective enough. As for the I shouldn't discipline them? That's bullshit I have a daughter that's due in November I will not have these kids acting like animals setting the wrong example for my child. I may be strict but I am fair these kids need order in their lives and believe me I deliver it. Like I said before it just gets frustraiting working the kinks out that their use to or that the develope by going to their dads house my girlfriend talking to him does nothing he may argue but he doesn't get rediculious because he knows I'll be at his door step I dot get involved with their arguments about the kids but I'll be damned if he thinks he can belittle or stress out my pregnant gf .
You need to step back. Mom
You need to step back.
Mom handle her kids. Have mom help SS with his homework.
The kid has a dad in his life to teach him how to be a man.
There's nothing wrong with being a truck driver. The fact that he looks up to his father is a good thing.
You can't force this child to be a mini version of you.
Sweetie you're not his dad.
Sweetie you're not his dad. You don't have to teach him anything. My SS's BM is a total loser and I've found myself CONSTANTLY trying to make up for where she lacks. I try not to do it. But these kids have two parents and one of them isn't you. You can be in control of your own household, but it's not your responsibility to make this little boy into a man.
I'm not forcing anyone to be
I'm not forcing anyone to be like me I just think its sad that people raise their kids to believe its ok to do nothing great with your life. I'm not telling the kid what to do I'm just simply trying to teach him he could be great instead of average. I always wondered why America's youth has been getting more and more terrible and now I see it first hand. Sure it's great to look up to your dad but your dad should have more sense to want you to do better then him. Unless of course your dad has already scaled mount evirrest if that's the case you can't be better. But then again this is a forum we all have our opinions this is mine. Disciplining kids when they deserve it and teaching them to challenge themselves isn't trying to make them like you it's preparing them for life. I just don't want to see these kids fail and right now that's the path their on if you were headed the wrong way down a one way street wouldnt you want someone to tell you your going the wrong way before you crash? This is kinda the same concept wether you agree or not.
I'd say go just a tad slower
I'd say go just a tad slower with this, I know your baby is coming in November but 'softly softly catchee monkey!' I know how frustrating it is, believe me! SKids made it to 18 here, even with their disney/guilty daddy! Set an example for the kids, do all the things that need to be done and when they ask for something ask if they've taken care of their responsibilities before you say yes to anything. I betcha...not joking here...I betcha your heart MELTS when baby comes and you will then get to feel how it is to want to defend your child. Tables can turn, as they say, and it's a thing with kids today to feel entitled, not just yours or mine...it's accross the board!
I am all for routines, bed time, meal time etc. I am not in favor of regimes though, most things in life are flexible and going with the flow is often a good thing.
How can a father who isn't
How can a father who isn't even a man himself raise a boy to be a man there's enough retards in this world this boy shouldn't have to be one because his dad tells him it's ok to just get by
I'm not saying I disagree
I'm not saying I disagree with you. I feel like my job as a parent is to make my child's life AT LEAST 50% better than mine. If I do that then I'm doing good. BM doesn't want SS to be better than her. She's said as much. She thinks it's totally acceptable for him to slack in school and not shower and eat junk and not exercise and get fat. I do not think any of those things are acceptable but I have to remind myself that he is not my child and there is nothing I can do to MAKE him do it. It is up to my DH and BM to raise him right. All you and I can do is set an example for our step children.
Why do you say dad isn't a
Why do you say dad isn't a man?
He works and he spends time with his children. Does he pay CS? Just because he doesn't parent they way you think he should, doesn't mean he isn't a man.
I'm not running a regime but
I'm not running a regime but when they do something wrong they have to know that what they did was wrong and that there are consequences for everything you do. I haven't told my full story, I'm not running a concentration camp I promise. I don't take charge of every situation their mother does but when they don't listen to their mother is when I step in no I'm not their dad and you've all stated this but if your ok with your kids or your loved ones kids stepping all over you that's your problem that's not acceptable behavior no matter the circumstance. These kids don't have a dad that teaches them about respect. Maybe you guys like watching videos like that one about the bus monitor getting bullied by kids in middle school recently. Or maybe the option to quit whatever you do is just accepted throughout America. I didn't come on here to be labeled a good guy or a bad guy. I'm venting my frustration I'll entertain your thoughts but don't expect me to go along with what you say. If you raised your kids to believe being a truck driver is a great life accomplishment I feel sorry for your kids there's a little saying out there that goes something like this "how can you tell me the sky is the limit when there are foot prints on the moon" parents should be teaching their kids to strive for greatness not to submit when things get hard whether their your kids or not as an adult you should know better.
If having a job and spending
If having a job and spending time with your kids is what you consider a man you've fell victim to this foolish sensitive society. I'm not a parent I only know what I've been taught yes a man has a job and spends time with his kids but a real man guides them down the right path a real man admits his mistakes and uses them to teach their kids what not to do.
What's done is done. Your GF
What's done is done. Your GF already made the choice in life to have children with this man. There is no changing that now. He is Daddy to those two kids who live in your house.
You also can't change that your GF is pregnant now. Your child will behave according to the way you and your GF teach, guide and discipline the child. What the other two children do won't actually matter much as far as your child's behavior. So you can relax on that score.
You may feel he is beneath you, for some reason that seems to be very important to subsequent spouses to feel they are better than the previous relationships. There's really no point in focusing on that, it certainly won't change the situation. All that is required of you is to respect the fact that the children have two parents and that does not include you.
Enjoy your baby, let Mom handle her children and have a more relaxed, peaceful household.
He is beneath me he's a high
He is beneath me he's a high school drop out that drives a truck and belittles his kids he doesn't even enjoy the time he gets with his kids seeing how he always tries to dump them off on my girlfriend any chance he gets not to mention he cheated on her about 35 times the guy is a scumbag it's not a matter of feeling above him it's a solid fact but I don't tell him how to raise his kids they do whatever while their at his house but in my house it's me and my girlfriends rules
Can a moderator just delete
Can a moderator just delete this thread this has been a waste of my time. Most of you sound like terrible role models your philosophies on things are what they are you can't do anything to change them is crap. Sounds like most of you just put in the bare minimum when it came to parenting let alone life. Might as well teach your kids how to stand in lines and nothing else because with your philosphies the only place their going is to the welfare and unemployment lines. I'm more frustrated now then when I started this thread all ive learned from this is that most of you are ok with failure well that's your business I'm set in my ways. Thanks but no thanks I'm all set with this forum
I am so sorry you feel that
I am so sorry you feel that way, HighAngleHell. I consider it really rude to put so many people into a 'category' like that and, fortunately, most of us will not take it personally...after all you do not know any of us. I still hold with my opinion.
I have heard the expression 'it is what it is' very often, the reality is that it's a true statement! I do agree with you that 'it is what it is' because no one made it any different. Changes, any changes, are an evolutionary thing and families do not evolve overnight. Softly softly does it every time, as a military man you know about manipulations etc. So put it all to practice in a gentle way...right? Model the behaviors you want from your kids, be good natured even when you chastize them. Good Lord man...yours is NOT the only parenting style and two can merge.
I may seem controlling with
I may seem controlling with how I speak but I'm really not I just stand up for my beliefs I don't feel I'm over stepping any boundaries Their mother does a lot of the raising when I step in she fully agrees with me we don't argue about it or anything if it was a problem and we butted heads then yes I would consider there was something wrong with me and I would suggest counseling myself. Both of the kids love me they tell me everyday I love them equally they do get on my nerves but Im positive my parents weren't always my greatest fans. Things get tough and I honestly just needed a place to vent I wasnt really looking for any suggestions
I have an open mind but I
I have an open mind but I don't agree with most of the suggestions they just don't make sense to me
I'll submit to your witchery
I'll submit to your witchery this time but if I don't like what I see I'm blaming you lol
First off let me say...you
First off let me say...you seem like you feel you're under attack here...you're not. Most everyone here says what they think and no one sugar coats anything...
So my question is what's wrong with being a truck driver? How do you think food and supplies get from here to there? I realize that the image of truck drivers isn't the greatest but they make a good living if they do it right. I used to be a dispatcher for a trucking company those guys were paid really well. Do you actually know this man? Have you had any interactions with him that would indicate he's not a good father?
My dad was a master carpenter and people used to look down on him because of that and it really pissed me off. My dad was a straight A student in school. He was a carpenter because that's what he WANTED to be. He truly enjoyed it. I have beautiful furnture in my home built by my dad that I still get compliments on. So maybe this guy WANTS to be a truck driver, maybe he likes it. you said in a previous post that when you were his age you were aspiring to be a firefighter or a cop....why do you think those professions are better than being a truck driver?
Regardless of your reasoning it really does just sound like you think this man and his children are not up to your standards and a little tip for you since you are about to have a child of your own...no matter what you do or say all you can do is try to give them the tools they need to succeed in the end they will do what they want.
I'm done talking this is a
I'm done talking this is a dead end argument your just going to disagree with what I say as I will disagree with what you have to say now I know a new subject to never bring up in a conversation before this I thought it was just religion and politics.
I think your attitude just
I think your attitude just there is that of a spoiled child...so take your ball back! It sucks that you are not willing to listen to others, probably because you are a control freak...LOL Arguments are not what this site is about creating, it's for venting and realizing that there are circumstances in which we are not alone...that alone is a huge burden lifted from a lot of us here.
If you knew some of the horror stories, have you actually read or empathized with anyone on here? There are stories on here that would make your toes and teeth curl! You really do not have such a big probem by comparison. Behave yourself buddy!
Let me see if I can fill in
Let me see if I can fill in the gap here... My kids' dad isn't a total loser; he is good with computers, almost has a college degree...that's about it LOL. But as a father, he is SERIOUSLY LACKING.
For instance, just focusing on the "boy" kinda stuff, he hardly EVER works on sports stuff with our son. BS plays every sport you can imagine, and so does my daughter. THAT is something a dad should do w/ kids. But instead, they go to movies, swimming, play games, etc. that they could do with anyone/anywhere. So *I* have to work that much harder at all the sports and be both mom and dad in that regard.
The OP is seeing some holes in this boy's upbringing. He wants to fill those holes. Especially when the father really does seem to be a loser (not bc he's a truck driver) and he wants to be a positive male role model. The problem is, it's an uphill battle...and it's an uphill battle for bio parents sometimes, too. If you read the original post, he's asking for bio parent type of information, not "how do I get out of this?" It doesn't seem the bm has a problem with what he's doing, he is just getting frustrated with not getting anywhere. Welcome to parenthood is all I've got to say!
I can send my kids to spend the night at a friends and they will come back with major attitude. They are going places all the time that might make them change a little bit before they realize where they are again. The only thing you can do is be consistent and supportive and just expect this to happen. If you are consistent the child will be, too. Stay calm when you want to scream and leave the room when you DO scream.
Today at softball practice I saw a girl throw a temper tantrum for not getting her way and it was UNREAL. I've known this girl for 2 years and it's the first time I've seen her do that. Both of her parents are happily married still and they are excellent people as well. ALL of us deal with things, crappy parents, good parents, and step parents. You just keep on keeping on, unless and until the bm or the bd have a problem with what you're doing, and then there might be an issue. I would LOOOOOOOVE a real man want to step in and help me with my kids when necessary. All I got was a man who felt so guilty he wasn't with his own kids, that he didn't want to do much with mine. HTH!
Finally someone who can
Finally someone who can understand what I'm trying to get across. All I've been reading is blah blah blah your wrong but the only person who can actually tell me I'm wrong is my girlfriend and she hasn't so far so I think I'm doing pretty good I'm not trying to be their dad I'm just trying to be a positive male role model like my girlfriend said they needed
I reiterate...I'd say go just
I reiterate...I'd say go just a tad slower with this, I know your baby is coming in November but 'softly softly catchee monkey!' I know how frustrating it is, believe me! SKids made it to 18 here, even with their disney/guilty daddy! Set an example for the kids, do all the things that need to be done and when they ask for something ask if they've taken care of their responsibilities before you say yes to anything. I betcha...not joking here...I betcha your heart MELTS when baby comes and you will then get to feel how it is to want to defend your child. Tables can turn, as they say, and it's a thing with kids today to feel entitled, not just yours or mine...it's accross the board!
I am all for routines, bed time, meal time etc. I am not in favor of regimes though, most things in life are flexible and going with the flow is often a good thing.
Submitted by HighAngleHell on
Submitted by HighAngleHell on Fri, 06/22/2012 - 10:04pm
Step/Bio Father's Den
does anyone have any advice at all?
You received advice and suggestions
Submitted by HighAngleHell on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 5:35am.
I'm set in my ways.
Submitted by HighAngleHell on Sat, 06/23/2012 - 5:55am.
I wasnt really looking for any suggestions
Dayum. Choose a story and stick to it.
I would stick to it if I was
I would stick to it if I was getting good advice there were maybe 2 or 3 people who were helpful everyone else was concerned with telling me how wrong I am so here's my story that I'm sticking to. Ready, thank you to the 2 or 3 that were helpful as for everyone else you can tie a rope around your neck and try a balancing act on a tall building
>>>as for everyone else you
>>>as for everyone else you can tie a rope around your neck and try a balancing act on a tall building<<<
Yep, there it is. Very typical.
For a military man, I am
For a military man, I am guessing you passed IQ, EQ and all the other assessments, you are very defensive, or is it that your callow youth is showing? I am sorry dude, you really have nothing to fear from anyone here. The SKid's father might not be up to par in your opinion but the reality is that your opinion is not the only one there is. Any work is honorable, having a job is big in these current economic times! My own father was a haulier, that's driving trucks, and as kids my siblings and I loved riding out all over the country with my dad. Ohh...my parents were still married until my dad died four years ago, some 53 years married so if anyone should have an 'idealistic' approach to marraige etc. it would be me...right? Please just go with the flow...like I said earlier you'll totally melt when your baby comes along and you will get what being a parent is about. Please do not alienate SKid from his dad, blood is thicker than water and you will lose out big time.
In all honestly,i would find
In all honestly,i would find a "childless girlfriend",no steps to mess with,life is too short !!!!
Just keep reading all these posts (aka HORROR blogs) !!!!
I think Angle is
I think Angle is disillusioned, Sebring, he's not finding what he's looking for here...that's if he even knows what he's looking for.
Most of us on here just come to vent, maybe that's what Angle did, but now feels he has to justify?
There are some HORROR stories on here, mine is one of them. Most of us love our families deeply, though it's horrific at times, and we blog or vent on here just to relieve the stress. On some occasions I have felt cowardly putting it all down on here, rather than confronting DH and SKids, but I am not perfect iether so I did the disengage thing and life improved dramatically once we stopped fighting about the SKids. I just get aggravated, vent on here and let it all go now.
Latest crap is that BM sent a text to DH and told him she's sending SD 18 back here because the girl is out of control. The girl is NOT coming to live here, DH and I both agreed that once she made her choice to live at her mother's house, after a two year sentence for a juvenile felony, (five years of being the worst category juvenile offender on record here). I do not blame her parents (though BM is psychotic and DH is guilty/disney daddy) because she WAS raised to know right from wrong and just decided to do wrong...repeatedly! She's now dancing, doing drugs and hanging with pimps and dealers...that is NOT coming to our door. We had one occasion to fear for our safety with her 'friends' and the girl is a danger to herself and others and seriously needs to be certified as such but she's 18 and makes her own choices. We can remove options for SD but we cannot make her do a damned thing. It sucks, but I have this place to vent on...She has a twin brother too...OH JOY!!
It sounds as though you have
It sounds as though you have their best interests at heart, this little boy sounds crushed, he needs confidence, positive reinforcement is the key here, I think this little boy has been effectively "bullied" by his father, yes skids can be so annoying, but in this case they are a product of a useless father, they need love, understanding, security, understanding and discipline, perhaps your ss could be encouraged to take up an activity with you that will build his confidence?