To permanently leave this mess. I get it. You love wife. What's clear is she doesn't truly love you or she would not subject you to such violence, injury and possible false accusations.
 

Your only option depends on your wife. Will she get into counseling and work on the enabling she has done with her kids? If not, I see no way to go back into the mess. Let her figure out what to do with her out-of-control kids. Protect yourself and your children. 

Put yourself and your children first. Nothing else is as important. 

Your kids are number one in this world and the decisions that you make now will impact them the rest of their life. Protect them at all costs. 

You move out. Wife and SD have time along.  Then you move back in and she has you.   You must realize, DW is not going to change. You must protect your kids and yourself.  You can't do anything from the hospital or jail.  Unfortunately you must move out , divorce DW, leaving DW and her dysfunctional kids to themselves.

You must start a new life as hard as that is.  

That's the number one reason for these boards.  It's would be better for everyone to just leave there SO, and there dysfunction. And start over.  But we just can't for some reason, we don't like to .,.fail..lose..be a failed... be one of those people that everyone take about...divorce...   

So we hang in. Thinking one day a light will go off. Abe things will change.  We get so old that the dating pool out there are all divorced people with one or two failed marriages.  

She picked her dysfunctional DD over you,  blood is thicker then water.  You are left with no choice.  You must move out and end this marriage.  Or become a permanent ATM and puching bag.    You must see the handwriting, on the wall.  DW will always side with a crazy SD.  As in you will end up in jail when you get tired of being disrespected 

Move out, say good by. Start over. No one can live that way 

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Here’s a true story, a tale of caution and of victory – victory for the stepparent that is.

My aunt—my mother’s foolish sister, who I’ll call Fool—made one of the classic blunders: she married an alcoholic, thinking because he was exciting, he would make a good husband. It wasn’t until after the baby was born that Fool realized, surprise, surprise, she couldn’t make it work. So, she left.

When her daughter, Dena the Dumbhead, was three, Fool married again, this time to a man I’ll call Clueless. Now, Clueless was a hardworking guy who provided them with a comfortable life. Fool dropped down to part-time work while Clueless became the provider, giving Dena everything she could dream of. He sent her to expensive summer camps, the kind where rich kids learned tennis, horseback riding, canoeing, hiking, camping, and even dabbled in theater. Whatever Dena wanted, Clueless bought, trying to give her the kind of life Fool never could have managed on her own.

And how did Fool and Dena repay this man? With utter disrespect. Dena, spoiled beyond belief, started acting out, testing every boundary. And when Clueless, the one who provided everything, tried to discipline her, Fool would swoop in, screaming, “You ain’t the father—leave my child alone!” It was the same story every time. Fool always took Dena's side, defending her no matter how badly she behaved. Clueless, who had given them both a life of comfort and privilege, was constantly undermined by Fool, treated like an outsider in his own home. The thankless skid could do no wrong in Fool’s eyes, and Clueless was left holding the bag for all their indulgences without any authority to keep things in check.

Well, when Dena was nine years old, the trouble truly began. Yes, you read that correctly. Mostly drinking because that’s the kind of kids she gravitated towards, ones whose parents were alcoholics. At age nine, she started doing pot and other drugs. At age ten, she associated with some teens who robbed a store, got caught and she was sent to correctional homes. During this time, Dena caused chaos and drama and manipulated the division between her egg donor and Clueless. Did I tell you that around age 12 Dena the Dumbhead started having sex?

When Dena the Dumbhead was approaching thirteen, Clueless had finally reached his breaking point. He’d had enough of the chaos, the disrespect, and the endless drama. So, he and Fool separated, probably realizing there was no saving a situation where he was constantly undermined. But the most shocking part? Dena's response. She proudly told my mother, “Now that I broke Clueless and Mommy up, I’m never going to let Mommy go.”

It was as if, in her twisted little mind, she’d won some kind of battle, fully aware of the damage she had caused—and completely reveling in it.

Well, the first thing Dumbhead did after breaking up her mom and Clueless was get pregnant. And, of course, she handed the baby off to Fool to raise. There's an old saying, "If you didn’t raise your own kids to be responsible adults, you’ll end up raising your grandkids." And that’s exactly what Fool did—sacrificing the rest of her life to care for Dumbhead’s son.

But let me tell you, if you thought Dumbhead was bad, her son was a full-blown nightmare from Hell. Grandson wasn’t just a handful; he was the result of a dysfunctional lineage passed down, and Fool, true to form, found herself stuck in the same destructive cycle—raising another troubled child in a mess she helped create. By the time Fool hit fifty, she was already suicidal, overwhelmed by the mess her life had become. She’d spent years sacrificing herself for a daughter and grandson who only drained her emotionally and mentally, most definitely financially. By the time she passed at sixty-two, it was from a stroke—brought on, no doubt, by years of stress and neglecting her own health. She wouldn’t take her medication, and on the day, she died, she was in yet another heated argument with her precious grandbaby. In the end, it was the same vicious cycle that finally consumed her. She died alone. Her daughter was too busy getting high to care.

Now, as for Clueless? He finally caught a break. After the disaster with Fool and Dena, he met a wonderful woman at work, and they got married. Unlike his previous life of sending brats to fancy summer camps, he and Mrs. Clueless 2.0 spent their time traveling through Europe, exploring the world together. They shared a love for the great outdoors and even biked across much of Europe and the UK, living the kind of adventurous, fulfilling life Clueless probably never imagined was possible.

Eventually, they settled down in a beautiful area of New York City, where they spent the rest of their days enjoying their hobbies. Both came from wealthy families, so there were no financial struggles, just the freedom to live on their own terms. They never had children, but they found purpose supporting animal shelters and surrounded themselves with a few unusual pets—probably more fulfilling than raising another Dena could ever have been. Clueless finally found the peace he deserved.

Once the trash took itself out of Clueless' life, he was finally able to embrace the true treasures that life had to offer. It’s like the moment he shed that weight, new doors opened up for him. He found happiness, adventure, and a sense of fulfillment he never could’ve had while dragging Fool and Dena along.

And honestly, this could very well be the case in your situation too. If you decide to leave, you might just find that the real joys in life—peace, freedom, and happiness—are waiting for you on the other side. Sometimes, cutting ties with the toxic, dysfunctional people in your life is the first step toward a better life.

Good Luck

Wow, Toaster!

What a fantastic story and so well expressed. I hope that Lukejo is paying attention; we only get on life!

DW will not change.   That leaves you with ....WHAT. 

I am in a similar situation, dealing with a demon SD15 that has flipped to out of control. We are struggling to handle it. Luckily my DH would not let her be in the house if she was assaulting me- she would be somewhere else. I'm sorry your Wife is not having your back more or parenting her child. It's extremely difficult to stay when these kids are out of control and running the show. I'm about to post about SD- she has been determined to do online schooling and we have told her absolutely not for many reasons. We are now on vacation and the day we left Crazy (BM) unilaterally made the decision to let SD do it while we are on vacay for 2wks, without DH's consent. I am livid- I WFH and am NOT going to be home with SD all day, and DH agrees. So now we have to deal with that when we get home. It sounds like you don't have many options...I would probably leave if I were you. Best of luck.