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Question for bio dads

Tired_step_mom's picture

If you have never been a step parent do you have any idea what it feels like? 

I feel like my SO doesnt understand what i go through as a step parent. 

It feels like to him me needing a break from his kids is me.being selfish. But he has no idea what it feels like to know in your own house you are the less needed or loved thing. I get it they will love their BD more than me ans he will love them more than me but it doesnt mean its easy knowing that. 

I just want to know if any BD out there understand this or if it has ever crossed their mind?

ndc's picture

I don't think that anyone who hasn't been a stepparent understands how it feels. But I also don't think that someone who is a stepparent but has a decent step experience can fully understand how it feels to deal with a mini-wife or a HCBM or a total Disney Dad.  

However, just because a bio parent doesn't understand exactly how it feels to be a stepparent doesn't mean they can't take what the stepparent tells them at face value and accept it.  My DH has never been a stepparent, but he's told me "I wish you could look at skids the way you look at DD, but I know you can't."  He doesn't know how it feels, but he accepts the reality of it.

hereiam's picture

My DH was a step parent before he and I got together. He loved those kids like his own (he is a very nurturing person and can truly love unconditionally), so I think he did wish that I would feel that way about his daughter (she was 5 when we got together, she is now, 29).

He did understand, though, and never gave me a hard time about it, and he completely took care of all of his daughter's needs. Not to say I didn't do things for her, but he never just expected it.

I also never wanted kids, so he knew I wasn't a kid person.

Survivingstephell's picture

Men don't carry their kids inside them like women do. That biological fact is what is at the root of the difference between step dads and step moms.  
 

I know that My DH also wishes his older 4 had a different mother.  He chose crazy. No changing that.  

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Interesting. Your comment makes me wonder if "loving them like your own" means a different thing to men than it does to women. 

Rags's picture

If your mate loves his prior relationship failed family progeny more than he loves you, find a new mate.  A true mate of quality values, loves, and prioritizes their mate and the relationship they both share above all else. If a mate does not or cannot do that, they are not worth your time. Period.

Extricate your head from your own rectum and upgrade your standards for selecting a life partner.

So many SParents discussing their woes and lamentations about their marriages and their SKids read like the pathetic whinings of self doubting pre-teens and not the adults that we all supposedly are.

Why would you be in a marriage and remain in a home where your own mate does not value you and fails to put his foot up the asses of his ill behaved disrespectful failed family progeny?

Make a different choice for yourself, revise your standards for selecting your equity life partner, and value you yourself as you would expect your true mate of quality to value you.

Good luck.