SD and SS starting to get to me.
First of all background information
5 kids 2 step kids
step daughter 12 oldest girl
step son 13 oldest boy
Wifes x husband very abusive and no longer in the picture
Been with my wife 6 years love of my life
I like to think I treat all the children the same
Ok now the problems I always feel like I am the bad guy and feel like the step kids hate me no matter what I do.
Step Son problems
I will admit I love and care about him. But do I love him like he was my own son no do I like him as a person no I feel he is a very selfish individual due to the way he behaves tell him something he don't like he starts crying like a 2 year old he was a very abusive child hitting people especially his sister until I met my wife and put a stop to it I refuse to have any violence in my house full stop altho I stamped out the violence his body language and attitude is still very aggressive.
Sadly this is not something I can see changing I have tried talking to him and communicating with him but he does not want to know I go into a room he leaves the room he never speaks to me and when I speak to him all I get is a blank expression. Has gotten to the point that I don't like talking to him because feels uncomfortable knowing that he don't seem to care. He talks to my wife all the time and the only time he mentions me is to complain to my wife that I have done something that he don't like e.g removed privilege like computer for not turning it of at reasonable time 1am is not reasonable time imo. It makes me feel horrible that I always seem to be the bad guy.
Step Daughter Problems
I love her and care about her like she is my own daughter. But problems encountering are really starting to get to me and hurt. At first I thought was typical teenager problems and still hope that is the case.
Her attitude is becoming terrible she has gone from being a mature girl (for her age) to a very materialistic and spiteful girl in the last year. She looks and speaks to me with no respect at all and feels like she should have the same rights as an adult. No matter what if she gets in trouble with something it is always my fault Quote "Would be allowed to if Tony (me) was not around" or "But Tony is allowed to do it" or "I hate Tony.". It feels like I am constantly fighting with her. She constantly looks at me like I am a piece of dirt and has speaks to me with no respect at all. Now according to her all her friends have better parents and can afforded better things like bigger tvs or they dont have to wash dishes keep rooms tidy. She is very attention seeking unless she is getting all the attention she becomes very bitchy making comments that upset my wife and me deeply. If I tell her off for anything the first thing she does is run to my wife saying that I am being unfair or she would not have been told of if I was not around.
I know a lot of the daughter things are typical teenagers but the comments like Quote "Would be allowed to if Tony (me) was not around" or "But Tony is allowed to do it" or "I hate Tony." End Quote are starting to get to me. I don't like fighting with her she is a great kid. But it has gotten to the point that I am wondering would the kids be happy without me around and have even considered leaving the love of my life to make them happy.
Any advice welcome
Why do you feel that YOU need
Why do you feel that YOU need to or should leave to make THEM happy? They are old enough to know better and respect you and your authority etc. They are acting like most typical skids... Bratty, ungrateful, selfish, entitled, etc. You have two choices...you can talk to your wife and become a united front so these children KNOW who the parents are in your home and put them in check. If they do not like it...oh well...their behavior will not be tolerated or go unpunished. Your wife, if she hasnt already, needs to tell her children that you are her husband and you arent going anywhere! You are to be respected and if they cannot treat you with respect and follow the rules set forth then certain consequences will take place! If she lets them get away with this behavior and treat you like dirt then this is very much her fault too, in fact it is even moreso her fault for ALLOWING this behavior and bad treatment to take place!!! So...with that being said..you and your wife can be a united front and put these kids in check OR you can leave and hopefully find happiness with someone who will love and appreciate you the way you deserve to be!!! I wish you the best
noob question what is a
noob question what is a skids?
"skids" means...stepkids. -
"skids" means...stepkids. - perfect abbreviation in my opinion
Use this sites search engine
Use this sites search engine to search "disengaging" and read some of the Posts and Threads. This is what I did:
I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be amazed at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. But they could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother slowly came to realize that I wasn't overreacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.
All sounds like the teenage
All sounds like the teenage years to me...
Stay on top of it...
More communication, LESS yelling...
Explain, Explain, Explain...
BE THE NEVER ENDING VOICE OF REASON...
They are listening...
Make sure Mom supports your Discipline...
United will be much easier...
They will throw the YOU'RE not my father in your face soon enough if they didn't already...
This is the moment that you SAY... YES I know..
But 99.9% of the time life for you is GOOD when I am acting as if you are my SON/Daughter...
I provide________ and put it ALL on paper for them....
So they can READ the pages of things you provide...
And say... SEEMS you like all this as if I were your DAD...
but you can't have all this without accepting my discipline...
Sorry the world doesn't work that way...
YOU ARE GOING TO GET RESISTENCE...
BE CALM,BE REASONABLE,STAY FIRM
YOU ARE A PARENT of TEENS... Welcome to the club...
Don't give up... NOW is when they need you MOST OF ALL.