skids,adoption and bio dad
My wife and ihave known eachother for 10 years and always wanted to be together,but life ,the military and work got in the way. We finally got together almost 3 years ago,just got married and have a baby on the way and livepast)ether. She has 3 kids from 2 previous relationships and I love them so much. The oldest is 9 we get along great and her father has never been around and waived his parental rights.The other 2 are 3 and 2 and their father has only seen them a few times, I have.never met him. They all call me dad because I am the only one who has been in their life. She asked me how I felt about adopting them and I said I wanted to,and I really do. Out of nowhere he emailed her asking to see the kids, she said ok and told him she had got married and I will be there. We are waiting for him to respond it has been a few weeks now.when he conacts her it is.never about the kids, it is about trying to get back with her, her and I are aware this is a oatgern of this.
I am so hurt and confused I dont know how to talk to her about it. I feel like she hasnt considerd my feelings at all...about the adoption and how will he react to them calling me dad, (he is a violent man with an abusive past)will it confuse them, and I'm upset with him tryjng to dropinn and out of their lives and that feeling comes from my own issues with my own father droping in and out of my life, I wish he would have just stayed away. I know thats not my place or my choice. I dont want the kids to be hurt, I dont know my place anymore and im adraod of a physical altercation woth him. help! :?
There is no reason for you to
There is no reason for you to be there when the biodad sees his kids.
I think you are upset because the plan was for you to adopt the two youngest kids, but now the biodad is back in the picture, messing things up.
You need to separate the feelings you have about your past and your own dad coming in and out of your life from the feelings you have for your wife's sons and your desire to protect them from what you experienced as a kid. Which is hard to do.
My advice is instead of worrying about adoption and what the biodad is doing, focus on being a positive male role model for the boys. Put the adoption talk on the back burner for the time being.
While I applaud your desire to adopt these three boys, your role right now is to be a good step father. Good luck to you, it sounds like you have a big heart and I think your wife and her boys are lucky to have you in their lives!
thank you forbyour input, it
thank you forbyour input, it has helped. I know I need to pur ny issues with my father aside.
I think I am hurt because my wife hasnt recognized that this puts the adoption on the back burner for now.
And nervous about bio dads reaction to me, we have never met he just found out we have been married and
has no idea there is another man around his kids. from what I know about him he might want to kick my ass.
my wife wants me there for the meeting I dont understand why.
I would think twice about
I would think twice about adopting these kids. I know a girl that got her now ex-husband to adopt her one son and because he adopted her son HE ended up paying child support on a kid that isn't his!!!!!!! :jawdrop:
What difference does it make in your relationship with them whether you adopt them or not? I wouldn't do it! NEVER! Let them call you dad or whatever, but you can't predict the future and are you willing to pay child support on kids that aren't even yours?
"I would think twice about
"I would think twice about adopting these kids. I know a girl that got her now ex-husband to adopt her one son and because he adopted her son HE ended up paying child support on a kid that isn't his!!!!!!! Jawdropping!"
Actually, you are mistaken. It IS his child. That's what adoption means.
No I wouldn't mind child
No I wouldn't mind child supdisappear kivorce were ever to happen.
and as far as the visit go's there are no arrangements because he has
never emailed her back after she told him she has gotten married.
she says he will most likely disappear again anywhere from a few months
to a few years. part of the back story of this is that with both kids he denied
they were his at first and accused them of being mine...(wich at the time was impossible I was in the millitary)
and my wife doesnt sleep around like that. the funny thing is is that they look more loke me then him and his family and my family have no similarities
>>with both kids he denied
>>with both kids he denied they were his at first and accused them of being mine<<
All the more reason to avoid any meetings with him. There is no reason for you to be at any child drop offs.