Next time, try slowing the whole thing down. Obstinate pre-teen. Take phone and send to room. Ignore whatever rant comes from behind bedroom door. By pursuing and entertaining his outburst of displeasure you/mom escalated the physical attacks that followed.

Best to follow up when tempers settle. Wait till the steam settles and then calmly mom talks to kid. 'Kid, you know house rules, you disobeyed the rules. Cell is gone until x time and after a sincere apology to Mom for being disrespectful. One more word out of you and another take away will be for your new violation of disrespect'.

Welcome T!

The advice here is like mixed nuts. Pick out what you like and toss the rest.
Speaking of nuts....so soccermom, I suppose they should have just stood there and allowed this KID to hit his mother?
And, big news.....corporal punishment is NOT abuse or assault! People can agree or disagree as they choose, but just because you don't personally believe in it, doesn't mean that you can call it assault. SMDH

I am not against corporal punishment as others may be. It is absolutely appropriate for Mom to physically seat a huffing, puffing, steaming, posturing pre-teen manbaby. And kudos to you, sir, for STOPPING the little beast from ABUSING his mother and additionally having the maturity and self-control to just restrain the kid and not beat his ass!

However, I think you should have called the cops. Regardless of what others say, it is ABSOLUTELY their job and could be the first step in getting him help. If the kid is hitting his mom he is BREAKING THE LAW even if he is 12 years old! To say, "they aren't really in the business of assisting parents in controlling their poorly behaved children," is totally diminishing the severity of what this child has done and placing the focus on the wrong person.

He is 12, not 2. In a couple of years, he can be tried as an adult in some states. Time for this kid to be given a shock of reality. I would still call the cops and see if there is something that can be done. It's not too late.

I am sorry that this kid is being like that. I do agree with you that sending him to his father should not be an option. I think that, based on what you told us, that his father has a great deal to do with the disrespect of your wife (as a woman) and you (as a different race). Sending him there will just increase that level of disrespect towards you.

Unfortunately, I don't have much of any suggestions for you except maybe boarding school or military school. I was lucky enough that my son and skids listened to us and didn't get violent.

If it happens again call the police. For now, I think this boy needs some serious counseling with parents involved.

My own son got all puff-chest defiant with me which wound up with us rolling around in the rain on the driveway. I used passive restraint until he could get himself under control. Told him the next time I was calling the cops. His counselor spoke of puberty and pent-up emotion and wanting to separate from me. Perhaps that was a majority of it, but there had been a recent change in some of the medication he was taking so I believe that it factored in as well.

Boy-manchildren do NOT hit their mommas. Flat fact. Do what you need to do to keep some sanity and safety in your household. Don't ship him off. I think that he'd feel abandoned, as if he will only be loved/accepted if he never f*cks-up or displays poor behavior. It's a fine line in parenting. With my own I learned that when things were sliding downhill to let it go for the night and try again a different day. The escalation with a teen is amazing since they're so emotion-driven.

I think you did what you needed to do. Did SS apologize to all when the dust settled?

Good luck

Aside: Yes, my BS-13 also has had a PS, PS2, PS3, XBox 360 and now an XBox One ... oh, and a smartphone ... all purchased by my exDH ... he can afford it; he wanted to give these to his child. I've taken them away, thrown some in the trash and now I just take the cords when I think I need to get BS's attention.

I think you handled it pretty well. pre-teen boys and teenage boys are a handful. I think more so then girls. I have two girls who are over 18 now and 2 boys who are 14 and 15. I think boys are harder going thru puberty because of the testosterone. They feel confused, scared, and angry at the same time and are not mature enough to handle it. I learned that being consistent and not giving in has taught my sons that i mean business. As far as calling the cops, i personally think that is going too far but that is just my personal opinion. After my son has had an outburst i wait until he is calmed down then i try to talk to him and let him know i understand that he is going through a bunch of emotions these days but dont know how to handle them. The way you describe him makes him seem like a pretty good kid for the most part. I have also learned that arguing with my kids really gets me no where and only feeds fuel to the fire. plus it makes me come down to their immature level showing them that i cant handle myself no more then they can. when my son wouldnt go to his room i didnt fight with him about it, i just made life pretty uneventful for him. i turned the internet off and kept the tv off. A big change has taken place in his behavior and the way he handles himself these days. Now as far as him raising his hands to me, hes done it once and that was the last time. Call it abuse or whatever but i put him in his place right away. I am his mother and if he was to ever lay a hand on me again he will wish I would have called the police once i am done with him. Anyway, i think your handling it well. Your a man so you can relate to his out of control emotions at that age. And I agree that you shouldnt send him away. That only makes the kids feel unstable and unwanted. And having all those consoles is normal. Its called upgrading. People do it even as adults.

So, your bride's solution to this toxic violent POS kid is to send him to his dad's where he has been allowed to behave similarly. Your bride and this kids sperm donor are the ones who raised this POS to be a POS. How will pingponging him between two abject failures as parents solve this problem? Answer: It won't.

I would have called 911 and hog tied the little shit until they arrived to haul his violent ass off to who gives a shit where never to return if I were to find anyone kidney punching my bride. That is only if he had not suffocated to death before the cops arrived by having me shove his head up his own ass.

Yep, this kid needs help. He needs help feeling abject misery and total accountability for his behavior. I suggest shipping his ass off to some swamp based survival high consequence boarding program far, far, away. Let him live the misery he has earned.

My SS was nowhere near as toxic as this POS kid is and he learned in a hurry that lies, manipulation, and failure to deliver on reasonable behavioral expectations got him sent to Military School for his last two years of HS. If he had ever made the mistake of assaulting my bride (his mom) he would have been fertilizer.

So, don't give up on him. Give him absolute clarity that he will live a life of abject misery if he so much as twitches out of line with acceptable behavioral standards. Start by marching him outside, have him place one of his game systems under each tire of your care and then he can watch as his mom drives back and forth over his precious idiot boxes. Then strip his closet of all clothing except two pair of matching slacks, to shirts, two undershirts, two pairs of underwear, and one pair of black low quarter military style shoes that he will spit shine to a high standard every night and when he is not in class of doing homework he stand in a corner with his nose in contact with the intersecting walls and he will stand there for weeks, months, or years on end until he either gains a clue of you and his mom get tired.

Bring the pain. I would.

As for assaulting the kid. That is not assault. The kid is a violet POS and I for one would have made the consequences for beating his mother far worse than you made them. There is a reason why corporal punishment is legal in 49 states. Your POS SS is the poster child for why a belt to bare kid ass has been a staple disciplinary tool since the dawn of man.

Grrrrrr! Kidney punching his mother. Really?

I think if more kids were shown consequences for their violent behavior at a young age they would be less likely to act as violently later in life. All kids go through that age where they think they can run the show but its up to the parents to remind them that they are not in control of their life just yet. I think you and your wife need to sit down with the boy after he has cooled off and tell him that you were ALL wrong. No one should put their hands on another person and then make it very clear that if he ever hurts your wife or you again the police will be called. If he wants to act like he's an adult then he will get adult consequences for his actions. Next time he hurts your wife then you need to call the cops immediately. At the end of the day he will be upset that y'all called the cops but the lesson he needs to learn is that violence will not be tolerated and is unacceptable. You could probably teach him more with a night in a cell than any words could ever get through to his teenage tunnel vision.

Your wife needs parenting classes and family counseling. You for the most part need to just back her up but not punish the kid. She made several mistakes, first of all discipline is teaching. What she taught her son when she shoved him on his bed is that it's ok to shove and be physical when making a point, her son reacted in kind by fending her off with a laundry basket. Then your wife taught him that it's alright to slap someone in the face when feeling threatened. Stepson reacted by defending himself and attacking her back. Then you came in and immediately became physical and he punched you. Who are the adults in this situation?

Obviously the kid is not a perfect angel, what tween boy is? But the way his mother initially reacted when he didn't want to clean up after himself started the whole thing. Before you say I don't know ANYTHING, know that I went through several unnecessary physical episodes with my then teen daughter who is now 21 and made I made lots of mistakes. I have 16 and 13 yr old know it all mouthy, obstinate teen boys at home who I've never gotten physical with, slapped or shoved. I learned my lesson from the first one. I parent them in a completely different way.

If you had called the cops it may have been you and your wife who were arrested. I was almost arrested for physically trying to drag my teen daughter home after one of her running away episodes.