I have one child (BD11) and DH has two kids (SS3, SD7) and each of us is exhausted to different degrees.

BD11 is sweet, remarkably responsible, and a straight-A student, but very much an argumentative preteen - it's not that she's wrong most of the time, but that she addresses things with the fierceness of a well-trained Nazi. He loses his patience and lets himself get baited into her arguments, then proceeds to nag at her for the next few days (he even nagged about the way she made him breakfast). I'm tired of having to step in the middle, but I feel the need to protect her and scold her quite often. It would help if he would stop allowing himself to be baited by a child and then act like a PMSing woman, but of course I can't say that.

DH believes he shouldn't be to strict with SS3 because he has a strong personality and may rebel as a teenager - so this one talks back with the skill of a 3rd grader and, after I've told him not to do something, smiles at me and proceeds to do it anyway, screaming at the top of his lungs if I intervene to stop him. Only THEN does DH step in. The boy is smart and cute (I truly adore him), but I expect this to be a difficult child and teenager if this isn't corrected, at which time my affections may wane.

SD7 is her mother's daughter and DH knows it. She even corrects him the same way as BM does. On good days, she is sweet and adorable, but those days are rare. On bad days, she lies, manipulates, attacks BD11, sneaks, talks back, and snoops (I've had to change my debit card PIN a number of times already). Sometimes, I have to defend her because he loses his cool and almost over-disciplines. Other times, he does absolutely nothing or he tries to reason with her at which time, she uses the *cry defense* and he backs off. He lets her break rules that BD11 would be crucified for and, any time BD11 accomplishes something, he chimes in with SD7's perfection and minimizes her. It's getting to where I no longer see SD7's cuteness and hearing her voice coming from another room is becoming grating.

SO - can any of you please tell me WHY he acts this way? Am I missing some perspective here?