Unsure about being a stepdad
Been with an amazing woman for 8 months. Soul mates material. Both our marriages ended, mine was a 12 year relationship and only 2 months between them.
Never had a bad time with this person, but also trying to work out timelines and needs moving forward.
she is 33 and I’m 35. She has 2 lovely girls who I adore (2.5) and we are discussing moving in together over the next year or 2 and having our own child in 3 years.
I enjoy how things are going now but am really nervous about weather I’ll be fully ready by the time the time comes. I don’t want drag her along this whole time and realise When it’s time I’m not ready to live in a shared home with 3 people and many responsibility’s. I would love a family and feel I’ll be ready at some stage but am unsure about the shorter time frame.
She is the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever come across, but also Feel as though she deserves a certain level of confidence moving forward which I am not providing as much as I want to.
I feel like either decision I make could be a massive mistake. I feel stuck and anxious.
I really love having freedom and doing lots of things but also know I want a family at some point.
I find this stressful as she is so amazing bul I am struggling to have the confidence I need to know what is right.
Please help out.
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Listen to your gut instinct.
Listen to your gut instinct. If you’re not ready to be a father then don’t do it. Be honest and open with her and let her decide what she wants to do when she learns that you want a longer timeline.
we are discussing moving in
Stick to this 1-2 year plan. Because time will, hopefully, tell. If she’s the “closest thing to perfection” you’ve ever experienced, then these next couple of years should be smooth sailing, because she’ll be content with this plan and not want to rush into cohabitation, right? Which, let’s face it, a lot of single parents are anxious for a live-in parental figure. She has a lot to gain, and you equally flirt with losing time, space to yourself, etc.
Are you regularly spending
Are you regularly spending time doing "family" things? If not, you probably should. If you are- GREAT! Waiting a year or 2 to move in sounds like a solid plan, stick to it! If in a year, you are still not sure, then you need to end it. For now, fake it until you make it. It is not natural to come in and be "Just add water- insta-dad!" -- give it some time and go through the motions. You might find out that you love this life, you might find out it isn't for you. Either way, if you don't try you won't know.
Thanks for the helpful advice
Thanks for the helpful advice. I wasn’t sure if having make her wait around for a confident answer is the right thing to do or not. Her kids are getting attached to me and we all seem to have an amazing time together.
I do worry that I didn’t spend much time on my own as an adult and that I’ll be lacking in some traits I needed to gain as an individual. But at the same time woman like this just don’t come around often.
Perhaps I am over thinking things and need to go with the flow. As long as she is comfortable with the waiting scenario.
You should
Move in to see What life is like as a family. SK there ? 24/7, EOWN, ? That you can’t go out to dinner with you SO, because you need a babysitter, or movies or anything else with out lots of planing. No playing around in the morning, or daytime, One think for sure, having your own child will not change your life,