13 year old SS is so lazy!!!! Help!?
So I just found this site and I'm wondering if ANYONE out there has any advice that could help me. I'm at my wits end.
I've lived with my (now) husband and his son for 2 and a half years, his son is almost 14 and he is so lazy . His dad gives him one chore a week and asks him to have his homework done by 17:00 most days he's still doing homework at 21:30 and he moans like hell about doing his chore . He's asked to do it by a certain time and it's never done. He plays up at bedtime and tells his dad to wait cos his games are so much more important. His dad just doesn't seem to want to discipline him. I love my DH so very much and I don't want this difference in opinions to come between us but I think something needs to be done. His son honestly is just so lazy, he will take the last item of food out of a wrapper and just leave the wrapper/box in the cupboard/fridge.. which is not setting him up to have a good future/work ethic.. yet when I mention this to DH he gets defensive, says I clearly think he is a bad father.
Anyway, yesterday my DH overslept a little and got up at 7:30am instead of 7am.. he went in to his sons room and his son was sat there tapping his watch and said "oh you're FINALLY up are you?" DH asked why it mattered and his son said "I've been waiting for my breakfast for 30 minutes". HES ALMOST 14!!!!
All he does is play games on his PlayStation . It's driving me insane. I don't want to dislike him because that's so unfair on him, he doesn't have a mother anymore and I do feel for him as he never goes out making memories with friends, any down time he gets he spends horrizontal playing his games .
Should I just leave now even though it would break my heart to leave DH? Or do you think it will get better?
Will be grateful for all opinions on this . Thanks
What is it about men raising
What is it about men raising their sons to be waited on? Boys are perfectly capable of being self sufficient if they are taught and have expectations put upon them.
Cut the wifi and tie it into chores. Take away all comforts and make him work for them. Put your foot down now about launching this kid at 18. You don't want a deadbeat kid sucking retirement money from his dad.
As for you, make his father clean up after him, ignore the sassy mouth to his father, but don't tolerate it when it aimed at you. Don't do anything for this kid, he won't appreiciate it and there's no sense in driving yourself mad over it. Dump it all on his father to handle. He will either do it himself, (which is fine as long as you don't have to do it) or make the kid follow thru. If he does himself, he will tired of it eventually. DH needs to feel the pain of not parenting his son. Yeah your house might fall apart for awhile but you keep complaining to DH about it.
If you were a united front on this issue, hardcore things like stripping his room and making him earn everything back might work but right now you have a DH problem. You need to train him to parent. If he can't be trained then you have a choice to make about your future. IMO
The kid is acting like a
The kid is acting like a normal modern day 14 year old. Your spouse isn't doing his job.
I can't tell you to leave. I can tell you it will only get worse if DH doesn't step up.
It's not your job to parent
It's not your job to parent him, it's DH's. I'd personally stay out of all of it, and I wouldn't do anything to help. No, it won't get better. You will get more and more annoyed as the kid gets older, bigger and more entitled.
There is no way through this without having a conflict with DH, so have it. If he says "you think I'm a terrible father" say "when it comes to discipline, yes". Don't be put off by his defensiveness. He knows there are issues but he'd like you to shut up so he doesn't have to face them and step up his parenting.
Let him know you find this so hard to live with, that you are considering divorce. Then see where he stands.
What is unfair about
What is unfair about disliking him for being a pompous, entitled, helpless lazy POS? smh
Time to let your DH know that him being a ball-less non man in parenting his lazy entitled spawn is a decided turn off and does not bode well for the longevity of your marriage.
I cannot imagine my father raising his sons as your DH is raising his. If any of us had so much as given our father a sideways glance much less lectured him on us having to wait for him to prepare our breakfast (at 14yo) the abject misery that would have rained down on us would have been epic.
Good luck dealing with this shallow and polluted decidedly non-male gene pool. No confident man raises his son to be a demanding disrespectful asshole.