Hello. I just stumbled across this site while searching for good ways to deal with bad situations. So.. I guess I'll share a brief background..... my husband has a 17 year old child, resulting from a teenage pregnancy so we are still in our thirties. We are both educated people and have been hit hard by the economy. We have had to give up a lot to make ends meet including selling off a truck for a vehicle without a payment, no internet/phone at home, no cable, no eating out and a strict budget on food.

The mother in this situation has made a habit of man-hopping and consistently moves her children around from man's home to man's home pulling her children out of school as they go. The longest my husband's child has been in one spot her entire life is just three years. Despite trying to move closer to his child, it seems the woman makes it a point to not stay in one place for too long. She currently has four children from three different men and has now moved her kids into another man's home (before even making sure the newest divorce was finalized) where there are four other children who have two moms amongst them as well.

Last year she pulled a real stinker on us demanding more money and trying to lie to DHS that my husband hadn't been paying child support all these years.. which he had been. She had found out that in the state of Iowa, checks are considered "gifts" and tried to turn around and get another 17 years of child support in which he had already paid. Needless to say, DHS got involved and sided with us but not until after we had to invest thousands in a lawyer and not until after my husbands tax return had been effected, which in turn affected our ability to make much needed repairs to our home.

So.. obviously.. this has been a rough introduction to the world of step-parenting and I'm never allowed to actually voice my opinion. My husband is fearful that if he even says a negative word to this woman that she'll tell her child lies to maker his kid hate him. I find this frustrating because how are things supposed to be different if one doesn't ever say anything to work it out?

His child is a senior in high school and has a major "gimme gimme" complex and can always be counted on for asking for high-tech gadgets like Itouches, I pads, I pods, Lap tops, Game systems, etc and the child is never told No. When asked as to why my husband doesn't explain to his child that we are having financial difficulties he says that he doesn't think it's a child's place to worry about that. Considering his child wants to be on their own and in their "own" apartment on their parent's dime by August 2012, I think it's about time the kid have a reality check.

This weekend my husband's 17 year old child showed up in a $12,000 car in which her mother got a loan for them. It's "only $200 a month". I tried to explain that I personally never even had a car that cost that much until I was into my 30's and that even then I couldn't afford that with my other bills and a decent job. It doesn't sink in. THEN they hand us a letter from mom stating that my husband needs to come up with FOUR THOUSAND dollars for a dental procedure by February.

So, it looks like we'll be selling our car so we'll be down to just one car and my husband will have to cash in his pension in order to pay for this procedure that is for the most part, cosmetic. The child currently wears a couple of fake teeth in a retainer that could easily be dealt with until the financial burden lifts a bit but apparently the procedure has already been scheduled without the permission of my husband. Not to mention, the last "estimate" was $1,700 and it has now more than doubled.

I guess this just all makes me want to scream and possibly run for the hills in a Daffy Duck like manner. I am at the point in my life where I want my own family and I'm not getting any younger. I feel like all of these financial burdens will always be there and that the issues with not being able to say no to the child and the mother is really having a huge impact on the two of us building our own life together.

I don't know how to deal with this. Advice anyone?