Beside myself
So... I am engaged to a guy and we have been seeing each other for over two years and have all lived together with my bs and bd for about a year now. He has a son and daughter as well. All teenagers. I have separate issues about the ss17 who lives with us part time and stays with friends the rest of the time because he can't deal with his crazy bm, but my issue today is with sd16. She lives with crazy bm. I have yet to meet sd16. She refuses. Her father says she is just "indifferent". He seems to mean that she doesn't care one way or another and is just blaze about it. I know this is not the case due to her spewing of her every hormonal thought on twitter. (Her father is clueless about her twitter account and I do not intend to tell him soon because then I won't know what's really going on. She has called me a hoe on there (again, has not met me and her parents divorce a was mutual decision before we met or dated) and has called her father an asshole and said fathers were overrated near Father's day among other things. My fiance's parents live in a different state and she will not go to see them if I am going. So I have bowed out on two occasions to family functions. She is not indifferent to meeting me!
Well, her parents have come in to town this weekend and my fiance is taking them and his bs to meet her and have "small" dinner with her tonight before they come back to my house. He says his daughter is being a butt yet he is accommodating her again. My kids and I were not invited. So, this is eating me alive.
Why can't we all go out together and either she has the choice to go with us all or not? Am I wrong? Should I expect to miss future get togethers on holidays (just missed a family member's wedding last month because she wouldn't go if I went) and when family is in town? And how long? Her dad meets already meets with her one on one when she can spare 5 mintues and has nothing better to do and I have no problem with this. So she gets time with him. Help me out here!!!! What should I do? We plan to marry next year.
You're fiancé needs to be the
You're fiancé needs to be the one to stop this. He is allowing her to control the situation. When it comes to his visitation with her, it's fine if he chooses to have it outside your home with her alone but it is not okay that you are not being allowed to attend other functions because of her. If I were you, I would force your fiancé's hand and tell him you're going and see what happens.
Yep, you are going to have to
Yep, you are going to have to put your foot down. I would not bow out on anymore family functions, if she chooses not to go because of it, that's on her.
Obviously, she is not indifferent to meeting you, she is hell bent on not. And your fiance catering to her is giving her all of the power. This is really ridiculous and I would not put up with it.
Wow. I wouldn't marry until
Wow. I wouldn't marry until you understand that this has very little to do with your SD and a whole lot to do with your future husband. You are putting the blame on the wrong party, and he's playing you into the role of wicked stepmom so that he won't have to confront his daughter. Go read StepMonster by Wednesday Martin. Hell, I'll mail you my copy if you want.
But don't marry this dude until you work this out.
Your DH needs to sit down
Your DH needs to sit down with her and explain to her that if she wants to grab a coffee with him sometime then that is fine, however you are his partner and you will be attending group/ family events/ days out. If she makes the choice not to attend then that is down to her not you.
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Agreed! If he is bowing to
Agreed! If he is bowing to her like this now, it will not get better!
You may *think* he believes
You may *think* he believes that she is indifferent to you and it's nothing personal, but what he is not admitting to you is that he KNOWS EXACTLY HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU BEING WITH HER DAD.
He knows, and is pandering to his princess at your expense.
She is being a brat because he is allowing her to be, and YOU need to step into this game honey.
TELL your OH that enough is enough, you will not be with a man who excludes you from family events because of a child's tantrums. You WILL be attending said dinner and any future "family" events/outings. He can continue to visit with his daughter as he sees fit, but as his PARTNER you expect to be present and treated like his Queen at all future events, even if that means pissing off the princess and putting her back in her place. She should not be dictating who can and cannot attend things, and whether her father can bring his partner or not.
I agree with all of the above
I agree with all of the above but would add one little thing. Don't look at this kid's twitter feeds or Facebook or anything similar. It's his problem, if he wants to bury his head or cater to her, thats his mistake. Reading her nonsense gives her space in your life that she's made clear she doesn't want.