Could Get Bad
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I've been battling with this kid ever since he was 9 when I met his mother,he's now 17 and oh boy! Basically they're one in the same obviously because she taught him,or allowed him to do whatever he wants and she will defend him no matter what...real healthy eh? So now when I step in as the 'evil stepdad' he doesn't like it and I tell you I have no reservations ever on giving this spoiled backtalking brat the whoopin he's needed for years! So if that should happen,it's most likely over for the relationship...
I would divorce my DH if he
I would divorce my DH if he ever did that to either of my kids.
Can't you just step back form the skid and let his mom handle him?
^^This. He's 17. I have a 17
^^This.
He's 17. I have a 17 year old. He has a stepfather. They actually get along pretty well, play on the same soccer team, and my son loves to "bug" my husband.
Teens are a special breed. I happen to expect a lot from mine, but that's me.
Your wife needs to handle SS. She will do it her way. She will parent him. It isn't your job to step in as the evil stepdad and fix it. And certainly not now. The kid is damn near grown.
No because she's done nothing
No because she's done nothing but raise him poorly...he's got no manners and does no chores and she even smokes pot with him! So basically it's like I'm in charge of 2 teens!
That's horrible that she sits
That's horrible that she sits and smokes pot with him and has let him have no manners. Ugh I wouldn't put up with that. Then again, I am anti drug...cant help it, I had a once beautiful SD who I had a wonderful relationship until she started using drugs and it started with pot..then moved on to nasty drugs. Now her and I do not speak. My story is long, feel free to search me if you want to read up on them. I also have them saved in my bookmarks.
I have many times felt the way you do but I don't know if its because I am female but instead of me whooping her ass, I ended up getting debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. I had to let her go after 4 years of trying like hell to save her. She is a piece of work now.
That whooping might end you
That whooping might end you up in jail. Listen why is this kid bugging you. Stop telling him what to do, what's right and what's wrong. Just leave him alone. A billion kids are growing up in this world and will turn out just fine without any help from you at all. Let this kid join the crowd.
You'll get none of the credit or blame for how this kid turns out if you'll just shut up and leave him be. Let his mother handle him if its necessary. Nobody appointed you as caretaker over him. Let his bio-father straighten him out if he needs it in their opinion. If not - well that's not your decision.
Peace of mind awaits you once you realize this kid is irrelevent in your life.
Read this: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Why pretel would it end me up
Why pretel would it end me up in jail?? When I was that age I got pounded from pillar to post and turned out quite disciplined...which is something that's sorely lacking in kids these days. He's the one that's going to end up in jail if he doesn't straighten up soon.
As far as his real family,like I said they couldn't even raise themselves right how are they gonna know what to do with him?
I agree he's irrelevant but he still lives here and it's a battle when people are on top of each other .
Sorry, Tortured Guy, as much
Sorry, Tortured Guy, as much as we would like to, it's against the law to whoop someone else's kid. Just ask my 3 SDs about their BM's DH. He is charged with assault w/ a weapon x6 & the reason why all 3 skids are with me & their BD.
In my jurisdiction, parents are allowed only to spank with an open hand. Good luck trying that with a 17 y/o male.
Tortured, let me tell you
Tortured, let me tell you about SD, teenager, on a time out issued by her dad. She was put outside of the back door to cool her heels, she kicked and screamed and we thought the glass was going to break! Her dad went out to tell her to get away from the door, she yanked on him, hit him, pulled out her own hair and scratched her own self up and banged her head against the door. Her dad never laid a finger on her, I saw the whole thing in the doorway, but she called the cops and he was arrested, jailed and bonded to appear on a domestic violence charge. Fortunately the DA, and just about everyone in the justice system (except this new cop who arrested DH) knows what SD is like and we have a juvenile file three inches thick on this girl. We were told just to go home and pick up the minutes next day, case dismissed! The ordeal DH had to endure because of this girl really is hard to bear. Think it over before you think about lifting your hands to any kid these days! Domestic violence has consequences where we live, you have to take classes in anger management and all manner of stuff!
That's what I was trying to
That's what I was trying to say,2 peas in a pod now^
Seems you would be
Seems you would be questioning the health of your marriage....?
For awhile now.
For awhile now.
Not ever really sure why some
Not ever really sure why some parents think it is ok to smoke pot or drink with their teens. One thing I do know is that you aren't going to change that dynamic.
I'd be looking to get out. No. I'd be getting out. Sorry, guess that's pretty blunt but just by what you've said in that one little comment it tells me a whole lot about your wife and SS and their dynamic.
Of course you are the evil stepdad given this setup. Of course! And it ain't gonna change....
^^^This^^^ I agree!
^^^This^^^ I agree!
I'm living this as well.
I'm living this as well. I've been married for 7 long, Hellish years. The boys can do no wrong. Lie, cheat, steal, have gay sex with a man that is almost my age.... with no punishment.
I finally threatened to divorce him and started counseling. It made my spineless coward of a husband stand up and take notice.
Looks like it's time for you to do something drastic too.
Being a stepparent is the most thankless horseshit I've ever had to deal with.
Best reply yet,thank you. I
Best reply yet,thank you. I was just talking with a woman today who also was a step parent and she totally understood.
I did threaten leaving her awhile back and that seemed to at least get her attention and at least try...but we're still not out of the woods yet. Another facet to this is also the fact that she let him drop out of school,so now they both just sit at home goofing off while I work a low paying job just to be able to contribute!...
Ugh. Sounds like she is
Ugh. :sick: Sounds like she is the problem. "Here, kid- Let's stay home together & get high!"
Can't blame the kid for being the way he is, when your DW has made him what he is today. I feel for you, man. Keep us updated.
If I were you I would leave
If I were you I would leave and find a gal with no kids.
I would give anything to leave and I'm looking into it somehow, but I am very ill.
If I were healthy I would have been gone 2 years ago.
I hate teens. I reallllly dislike my 15 y/o stepshit and I feel trapped and full of rage at the entire situation.
You deserve to be treated better than just being a pay check to some thankless assholes.
Disengage, dude.
Disengage, dude.
Why on earth are you still
Why on earth are you still w/this woman?
^^^^THIS^^^^ Pack your
^^^^THIS^^^^
Pack your stuff, cut your losses, and run while you still have [some] of your sanity!
I have to agree with the
I have to agree with the comments to step back, disengage, and let the kid's mother handle him. Yes, it may be tough for you, especially if mom isn't doing anything but encouraging the behavior. SD14 is turning into the exact replica of her mother...it is sad that between her mother and me (step-mom), she chose to model herself after her mother! I've been in this kid's life since she was about 1 year, and I've always tried to teach her to be thankful, respectful, humble, etc. I succeeded with my two kids...both are very respectful of people, giving, while at the same time they don't let anyone push them around (in other words, they know how to be good people without being doormats). SD14, on the other hand, is very bossy, stuck up, thinks the world revolves around her, etc. DH feeds into this behavior by treating her like a little princess.
Personally, I'm shocked that you are still in the relationship at all...