SS15 lives fulltime with DH and I, and has exclusively since early 2011. He is in therapy for defiant behaviors and its increasingly got worse. He was grounded by his father over the weekend and his phone and xbox was taken away. Last night DH gave him an opportunity to be honest and he was not, so DH told him he can forget having a cell phone now until hes old enough to pay for it himself because its a privledge and he is tired of the deceit and increasing disrespect. Last night he asked for a list of days he could stay after school and work in the shop in the performing arts program. These are all voluntary hours. He usually is bused home everyday from school, about 20 minutes away. If he staya after school we have to pick him up. We gave him the list of days he could stay after this quarter last night. I should mention he is obsessed with this girl he calls his girlfriend and talks to her for hours and hours on the phone after school every day. Last billing cycle alone he talled to her for 56 hours, excluding texts. Comparatively speaking, he talked to his Grandma who was very close to him and has cancer...for 21 minutes the entire billing cycle and she called him. 

Today, he didn't come home after school. When I got home  I called my DH to ask if he heard from SS. He said no, and was not asked about staying after school. I had to email the teachers to ask if he was there after school. They confirmed. This means we now have to drive 40 minutes after work to go get him. He is supposed to be grounded. I'm assuming he is flexing his power and does not care because he has no phone or xbox anyways, likw there is nothing else to lose...and he is going to get his way and just do what he wants regardless. 

DH is beyond over SS. He just ignores the house rules, plays dumb and does what he wants. He has increasingly been disrespectful to DH, calls him bro and dude even when told to stop. He has walked by DH and bumped shoulders, something that men would fist fight over. My DH thinks hes trying to flex on him or rub in his face he can do whatever he wants. He wants to show him up but these days you can't lay a finger on your child without the world ending, which is why we have such disrespectful teenagers today. 

Anyways, he has been and is in therapy. He is narcissistic and a compulsive liar. Even when confronted with proof, he still lies. Recently we cleaned his room up and found bottles of piss in his room. This isnt the first time either and he was told to knock it off. He is doing it so he can pretend hes sleeping and keep playing online or talking on the phone all night. He had his access to social media taken away after he was caught saying inappropriate things to people and posting distasteful content online. We learned he has been accessing it again somewhere and is still posting as recent as last week. When asked about it, he denies it, even with PHOTOS AND VIDEO proof. 

He got another phone from a friend when we took his older phone away. He uses VPN to circumvent the network wifi blocks we set to limit usage times. He leaves food and drinks open under his bed after being told not to MANY times. Like hes pushing it under instead of throwing it away. We found a pillow in his room with a hole in it that was the size of a cucumber. There were also knife stabs in the pillow all around. Whenever we ask him why hes doing something, he just ignores us or says I don't know. 

DH is at his wits end and is ready to put him in boot camp or boarding school because of the daily drama and issues, or ship him off to his Mom's. She is a whole different story...and not a good role model. 

Everything we have tried has not worked. SS behaves like he is always a victim and plays dumb when confronted. Its a neverending cycle of disrespect. I think we are ready for time away from him and a big reality check for him. 

We have battled with him to do his homework and show us his agenda and study for years now. Last quarter he had Ds and one A because it was a blow off easy A class you just show up and pass. 

He was suspended for vaping in school 2 years ago and just keeps going downhill. We dont smoke or drink. We spend alot of time with our kids, coach sports, go to all their events, performances, conferences, etc. We have had several meetings with the counselor and teachers with him to prevent lies and make sure we all are on the same page. Ot just never ends. 

Any ideas? We have tried everything. Talking, reasoning, counseling, taking away stuff, rewards for good behavior, etc. 

He was caught sending inappropriate texts to his friends calling people n word and jew and even sending a middle finger emoji to his younger 12 year old half-brother for asking a question. 

I'm so beyond fed up and DH keeps saying its coming to a head and going to end badly if he does not change.