I have been making more of a conscious effort to disengage from SO's teenage daughter within the past few days, which isn't difficult given the fact that I'm not expected to parent her at all. I no longer greet her, say goodbye, or engage in any sort of dialogue with her. (Note: To those who may wish to ATTACK me, I'll have you know that, although I have ADMITTED to feelings of jealousy, I have NEVER allowed those feelings to color my interactions with her, so pardon my French, but I'd really appreciate it if you reserved your judgment).

Her boyfriend, however, is a sensitive, caring, helpful, and polite young man with impeccable manners, and tries his best not to exclude me in his interactions (he, by the way, is also a child of divorce himself). I make a point of greeting only him when they both walk through the door, just as daughter dearest only greets my SO and rudely ignores me time and time and time again. I'm SICK of taking the high road, ESPECIALLY when I've met some of her friends the same age and THEY are all polite and say hello and goodbye to me when they see me (it's just common courtesy not to IGNORE someone--anyone--when you see them).
I have never ignored her up until this point in time, but now I'm downright tired of being Ms. Nice to those who don't deserve my kindness.

Anyway, even though I still find myself feeling angry, I have been reflecting on something that happened months ago. This is when I sent a text message to SO's daughter and her older brother before I came to visit for the summer. I told them that I was coming back and that if there was anything they ever wanted to do, please let me know and we'll do it. I waited and waited for one of them to text me back. Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING.

About a week-and-half later, though, daughter dearest sent a text message to SO telling her that if we (meaning she and I) were back in town, we could all do something (or, if her mother was busy working, she and I could possibly do something). SO was THRILLED with this, and I told SO (over the phone) to let her know that I appreciated that. I also told her to tell her daughter that I am shy (so she doesn't take anything personally). She told me that she would tell her daughter, but to be honest, I am not 100% sure if she did.

One month later, I come back for the summer. SO's daughter hadn't changed and continued to treat me the same way she had before: as if I don't exist. I bought her a birthday card, wished her a happy birthday verbally, and bought her a $20.00 gift card to Starbucks. She left the birthday card on the table for weeks and weeks, as if it were a piece of trash ready to be thrown out, even though I left a nice personalized message in it for her. SO admitted that she tried to hide it from me because she was embarrassed that her daughter didn't keep it in her room. That is honestly the last time I will buy her a card.

Well, my question is: if SO's daughter was so interested in being a part of my life, why wouldn't she have responded to my text message after I sent it? Why would she have sent a text message to her mother instead of me when I was the one who had reached out in the first place? My theory is that she wanted to make HERSELF look like the "big person" and appease my SO. Other than that, since I have been living here, I have noticed no changes in her behavior toward me, regardless of the fact that my poor, loving, and naive SO seemed absolutely "thrilled" that she "changed". I'm really, really trying to get into this girl's head and understand exactly what her motives are.