dont want relationship with SD
So glad I found this. Long story, but I'll sum it up: Met my partner 5 yrs ago and really bonded with her then 13 yr old. After the first yr, she was having alot of problems at her Dad's house. Sex, police, sneaking out, poor school grades, etc. She moved in with us and it has been a constant struggle since then. She has done well at times, but for 4yrs it was basically trying to constantly keep on her. The last yr and a half has been hell. Her BF went to jail for burglary and she was questioned for her role in it. Her grades slipped and then she stole from me and her baby brother. Gift cards, jewelry, alcohol, money, checks. She ran away. She ended up in alternative school for having weed on the property. She was arrested for shoplifting and then was withdrawn from school for failing and skipping. This whole time I was taking her to counseling, tried to do rehab, stayed in contact with school guidance, tried giving freedom, taking everything away, yelling, you name it. She wouldnt stop lying. ended up sneaking boys in her room (while she was supposed to be watching the baby),doing drugs in the house,and then finally stealing my debit card. At that point I told her mom she had to go. She hasnt apologized,in fact blames me for "ignoring" her as the reason she stole from me. Since then she has been arrested 2 more times (3 arrests in 4 mon)I am so tired of dealing with this. I think she is a liar, untrustworthy, irresponsible, manipulative. I do not want to put myself in harms way by having her here right now. At this time i dont want a relationship with her. From what she says, she still doesnt want one with me either.(In fact she told the new counselor, i have put her through mental anguish and emotional abuse!) the problem is my DP does and wants to be able to have her over here.I know there is a gd person somewhere and told her when that person comes out again, I look forward to it and then maybe we'll see. What do I do?
stand your
ground and don't let that little bitch back in your house......
So she's 18 now?
That behavior is NOT out of the ordinary (or atleast not in my world) for a teen. But at 18? Cut her loose, change the locks get an alarm system and don't ever let her near your home again.
She'll eventually end up either in jail or she'll wake up on her own, you did what you could. Let it go... Best of luck...That sucks...
Wow...now I know Ive found
Wow...now I know Ive found my home!
Starfish: Ur comment made me chuckle! I always feel guilty for standing my ground and seemingly hurting DP, but you make me feel like I'm normal! And ok for insisting on what I do.
Notsohappy: Yea, she's 18 as of last spring. Changed all locks when we kicked her out. I guess my question is not so much am I doing the right thing, but how do I deal with DP? I don't want to harm our relationship over this (we have 2 boys too) and they need us to be together. And I want to be together. i just don't want to make her feel like I am being controlling or make her resent me.
I know I cannot have her here. Period! I know she has issues from her "past" but we all do and we all don't have to stael and be delinquents over it...
Well first of all it sounds
Well first of all it sounds like her problem is drugs.......People on drugs do all those things you named and have no conscious about it. As long as she is not willing to help herself then she can't be helped. And in the meanwhile it is running you and your family down in the pit with her. Your partner may want this relationship but you cannot allow this behavior to go on any longer in your home. It is so unhealthy for all of you. Tell your partner that you have went above and beyond and cannot tolerate all this lying and stealing and everything else anymore and your partner should understand this and respect that. If your partner can't understand and wants to allow her to live there anyway and keep lying and stealing from you all then your partner needs to hit the damn door. Your partner should not expect you to keep getting slapped in the face!
No, she says she knows she
No, she says she knows she cant live with us, but she wants her to be able to come over and have "family" time. I said hell no, you have to be a responsible member of the family,before you can be given the privilege of the good times with them. I cant trust her in this house even for a couple hours and even if she did come here, i wouldnt want to be here. DP cant handle that. SD's dad doesnt help either by saying "family doesnt turn family away". Well I was raised differently...I have been turned away myself when i got preggars at 19...eventually when i proved I could handle my responsibilities, I was able to get along with my family again.....I just want it to be understood that I dont want to be taken by this ungrateful, entitled brat again.
And it is a weed addiction she has...I cant blame all her actions on that. She's been smoking maybe a yr and half. And its not like crack where she has to be on it 24/7.
I tossed one out.
At age 18 and out of school my step left the home. I told her mother that either the kid left or I left - that neither one of us deserved to be treated the way she was treating us.
In your case you've done everything that can be done. Now its time for "Tough Love" (Google it).
All of this is caused by drugs and until the kid decides to get off them there is nothing you can do except tell the kid that when she decides to quit you'll be there to help. Tell her that until that happens you hope she'll write to her mother and let Mom know she's OK.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
I am doing tough love!!!
I am doing tough love!!! What do I do if my DP won't do it??? I just want her to act like SD stealing from me, was stealing from US!! She acts like it just happened to me, so its something that her daughter and I need to fix. It hurts me! Even the counselor said until DP learns to stand up for me, SD will continue to divide and conquer and do what she's doing.