Help dealing with stepdaughter and her mother
When my husband was in college, he had a child with his girlfriend. When he and I met, he told me there was no relationship with the mother or the daughter because the daughter kind of freaked out when she found out her stepdad was not her real dad and told my husband to never talk to her again (she was 8 years old at the time). My husband has no custody rights and as far as I know, no leagal visitation rights either.
After the daughter found out that my husband and I were married last year, she became very interested in us. The mother called me constantly as did the daughter. The mother asked me to talk to the daughter (who is now 13) about boys. I told her that it is not my place because the girl had never met me. The mother insisted because she does not feel comfortable talking to her daughter about such things. I did not talk to the daughter because like i mentioned it is not my place.
This past March, the mother, daughter, stepfather, and 2 half brothers came out for a family vacation (they live in another state). My husband and I were very hospitable towards them, doing everything we could to make their vacation a happy one. Everything seemed to be going well.
About a month after the vacation, the mother tried to break up my marriage by telling my husband that she still has feelings for him. I believe the mother is poisoning the daughter towards me and her father by feeding her lies. The daughter now refuses to speak to me or my husband.
The mother had told me that she has been on medication for depression, and my husband had warned me that she is psychotic sometimes. I did not believe my husband, but now I know he was right. I do not talk to the daughter or the mother because i tried to take myself out of the equation, but I recently found out the mother thinks i am (and these are her words) "F___ed up". I want to call her and tell her off, but I have more class than that, plus I do not want to do anything to hurt my husbands "relationship" with his daughter.
Anyone have any advice they can send my way because this is driving me insane. Thanks!
I could have sworn I posted
I could have sworn I posted you a reply to this yesterday but it seems to have disappeared! Maybe the thread is posted twice?
Anyway, what I said was to steer clear of this family unless your DH is determined to have a relationship with his daughter. If he is, and the daughter gets back in touch wit you, then proceed very carefully and slowly, perhaps with very short visits from the daughter, without her mother, obviously!
Try not to be tempted to call the mother or write to her, it won't do any good in the end, and will probably make things worse. All communication should be between your husband and his daughter only, with minimal communication between him and the BM about practical matters if the daughter comes to visit.
Hello Kes, You did reply to
Hello Kes,
You did reply to my first post, but I sent you a message telling you why I delted it. My Husband is determined to have a relatinship with his daughter, but she will not talk to him or me and I think it is because of what the BM is telling her. My DH has been asked to give up his parental rights so the step dad can adopt the girl, but my DH "refuses to give up on his daughter". I wish he would give up his rights so we can be free of the BM.