How to handle teen back talk
We have had the two kids for almost two weeks. The sd is a 13. We were taking her to a movie tonight. She complained that the cold black beans I was eating in the front seat smelled bad to her in the back seat. Then while talking about the movie we were going to see which is a parady of Twilight, I mentioned that I liked the part of the Twilight movie where Rosella gets back at the men that left her for dead. (I am not a Twilight fan but have gone to the movies with the kids as a family activity and remember this part.)
Sd started saying that I was sick and that I was like a guy on a forum that she participates in who describes how he would pick his victims if he were a serial killer. I was shocked. (DH had asked me not to respond to them and that if they were being disrespectful that he would talk to him.) I looked at him (in the car and motioned) While she was getting out of the car, he said, "Oh Yea, don't compare her to a guy that talks about being a serial killer." She laughs.
I made it clear that it did not work for me. He gave her a chance to apologize. She didn't. We went home. He also took her computer away for the night. He was also mad at me saying I should have handled it differently. I asked for an example explaining that I have no experience of being compared to a serial killer. He did not answer me.
I am glad he disciplined her. She claims I am too sensitive. What gives? How would you handle this?
Any ideas will help. We have had times of getting along but not lately. I wish we could do fun things together but she is not interested. She just wants to play video games and interact on her pc.
I have the same problem. For
I have the same problem. For some reason, I don't feel like i have the right to say what I really feel to my skids. My own two boys live with their dad, and when they come over, they take out the trash, mow the lawn and do anything I ask. Why do I find it so difficult to ask my SS to take out the trash or my SD to clean the bathroom.
I'm smart enough to know that I need to speak up, but all I do is think about it, i don't do it. I feel so powerless.
BLAP!!!! works well for lippy
BLAP!!!! works well for lippy teens. That would be a swat to either their butts or their lips whichever is the most accessible.
Or just put them on time out. Public humiliation for an ill-behaved teen works great. A 13yo standing with her nose in a corner in a mall should do the trick. }:)
I am partially kidding.
Both SA and Dab hit the nail on the head IMHO. Do not delay in dealing with these instances directly.
I for one would not defer to your DH on respect from the SKids issues. You need to deal with them immediately IMHO.
If your DH has an issue with how you discipline your SKids then tell him he better get it done before you have to and let him know that if his discipline is not adequate in your opinion that you will step in to administer appropriate discipline.
My opinion is that any child that lives in my home (even part time) and that I am responsible for I am also responsible for disciplining them.
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
New2thisteensthing - 1.
New2thisteensthing -
1. Don't take it personal, 13-17 year old girls are a pain in the ass!
and that leads to 2...
You have every right - as all of the above posters said to address this yourself and immediately. Waiting for your husband to do it, and then having him do it half heartedly definitely gives the wrong message to the skid. So next time, don't hold back. However, I would suggest being more creative when you reprimand her. For example, in the above scenario, my response to SD would have been...
"You are suggesting I sound like this weirdo who fantasizes about being a serial killer, but you're actually on the same forum that this guy is on... so what does that say about you?"
hahaha! But I'm immature that way.
Anyway, address it yourself and fast. You'll get through the teen years much better. And tell DH that he is always to back you up and talk to you later about it! That's really important! For both SD (whether he realizes it or not) and you...
Duct tape for the child. A
Duct tape for the child. A nice relaxing bubble bath for you.
And to the food poster- if the kid doesn't want what I fix, they can make PBJ or get bologna.
Thanks to everyone who
Thanks to everyone who commented. I realize that it is a hard age. Tonight while we watched a movie it went along OK. It was the four of us including sd and ss. We have them for two more days and then a break until next weekend.
If he's wanting you not to
If he's wanting you not to respond to them (I'm reading that as he doesn't want you to correct them) then he needs to do it. I think many men are just oblivious to things.
I would nicely respond with "well that's kind of rude" or "that seems pretty harsh" or "wow, i've never been compared to a serial killer before". Anything to draw his attention to their disrespectful behavior in a good mannered way.
Then maybe he'll see how often it happens. plus it'll be harder for him to pretend he didn't hear it.
Yes, being calm does help.
Yes, being calm does help.
This weekend so far has been much better. I asked her to clean up a mess in the bathroom and although she complained she did it. Part of the reason is that I remained calm though there was a five minute verbal skirmish.
After she cleaned up, I thanked her.
We are getting along much better.
Regarding DH and the note about not being aware. I agree. I think of being able to have a standard reply when things get out of line like, "That's Harsh." will help.
We have sinced talked and DH has decided that because it can be difficult he would actually prefer for me to deal directly. However, if I ask for her to go to her room if she is being snotty, he has agreed to enforce that or other discipline. I think originally he hoped if we ignored her bad behavior it would avoid conflict. He is afraid she won't like me and resent being punished. Actually, I think it is more important that she respects me. We have done fun things together so I think she likes me some.
Again, this week has been so much better. Just glad I found this outlet last week when it seemed too crazy.