*Typo above: "SD13 who thinks she's a BOY....." yeah missed the important word. LOL

Yeah, it's majorly F'ed up. I've had arguments with DH every weekend since February when I found out that SD19 actually went and bought the HHog. My therapist says this is all about more than the HHog. I agree, but I still don't want the messiest person in the family bringing a HHog home. DH told me a few weeks ago that he was having SD19 stay in the dorms the second half of summer, so she could take classes. He said the HHog would be home prior to that. So, that's May 20th through July 5th, when she returns to school. I pray that her summer classes are 6 weeks and not 4 weeks, because then that leaves the entire month of August open for her to come back home, I think.

I'm so worn down. I am trying to be strong and do what some of you said, and that is to NOT leave my home for some snotty SD19. I told my therapist it's a matter of WHEN she acts up again. I told him I can ignore her for 5 weeks or.......I told my therapist how it would probably go down. She would say something snippy at the dinner table, either to me or to DH, and typically I would put her in her place for the disrespect. He told me to just walk away. I told him I would actually feel rude leaving in the middle of a "conversation" and that I would feel like she had gotten her way. Then as I thought about it, I thought if I just took a breath and didn't say ANYTHING back to her for a few short seconds, and then left the room, that would really send a big message to the entire family. They would be there with their jaws dropped open.

I told my therapist I was done with trying to "be there for her" or "to understand her" or to "listen to her." I told him that I had done all of that for 5 years and then for the last two years when we got the SDs full-time. I told him this is about protecting myself. My therapist says this all comes back to DH. I agreed that everything rests and turns on what DH does. He is a great father but a shitty parent. The therapist and I discussed consequences being given to SD19, and I told him she's never had any. It would be holy hell in my home if DH or I tried to give her consequences like we do with SD13 sometimes. If I took her laptop away for the evening and told her no TV, she would be livid. She would probably punch a hole in her wall and then just be on her cell phone all night. SD19 needs to work on respect and anger issues in order to get her ready to launch. I told my therapist I feared she would be around forever because DH knows she isn't too bright.

I may just end up going to my parent's home, but I don't want to inconvenience myself and I don't want to leave my dogs. I secretly have been looking for a house to rent with a fenced yard. I dream of taking my dogs and leaving. I haven't found anywhere yet.

~ Moon

He doesn't know that I daydream about a house of my own. I have come to the conclusion that he has to make changes so that I can be comfortable in my own home. If SD19 doesn't like it, "Too bad!" Isn't that what we all heard from our parents as kids? I know I sure did. I heard it from my SDad and respected him when he gave me consequences. Enabled bratty kids don't think they have to listen to anyone. I like what notasm posted above about saying whatever you want to someone who is an "adult." SD19 is such an ass that I still see her as an immature teen. I guess she's both. Yay me.

~ Moon

I own a TH as well, but the yard is too small for pups. I will keep looking......Just in case. }:)

I am thinking more and more about the basement dorm idea. SD19 always says she doesn't have any room in her bedroom, and DH has even taken over her closet in her absence so he has more room. See a pattern here? We have a small room where the breaker box is, so it has a door that can be shut. We could get a $25 closet rack and put it in there. We also have an aluminum shelving unit with doors on it that could serve as a dresser. This breaker room would keep the dogs from getting into her clothes. The only thing is she and DH will probably say "No way" because it's cold down there and HHog needs warmth. The basement door would have to stay open during the day to allow the dogs to get down there to the dog door. There is a 55" TV that is hardly ever used, a sectional sofa and cofee table....All we would have to do is move her daybed down there. She would come upstairs for shower and laundry. There is a powder room down there that no one uses. There is a utility sink where she can hand wash her delicate garments with Woolite and hang them up on her garment rack. I think I heard that HHogs are nocturnal, so we could put HHog in the unfinished part of the basement, pushed back against the wall on a table, away from the dogs, in the dark.

Then DH would have SD19's old room as his dressing room, SD13 would have her own bathroom upstairs (because SD19 trashes it every time she's here). All we would share is the W/D in the hallway outside of my bedroom. If she can haul laundry through a dorm, she can haul it down two flights of stairs, right? I mean, it's only for a "few weeks," right? }:)

I am REALLY starting to like this idea, but I need to sell it to DH and FAST. Thank you twoviewpoints! Thank you!

Rags, I have a mere THREE days until this bitch lands here. She will be here. There is no stopping that. She will be here WITH HHog. I have TRIED to stop that with DH for MONTHS. I yelled bloody murder at DH in the mall parking lot non-stop for five minutes the last weekend in February about this. DH went and told her "No" again, and she failed to listen. THEY BOTH FAILED TO LISTEN TO ANYONE. I am going to go with "out of sight, out of mind" and she can stay in her "basement apartment." If she whines that all of her clothes are upstairs, I will gladly hand her cardboard boxes and she can empty her dresser out and slide the boxes to the basement, Her clothes that have been at home aren't the ones she's wearing anyway. DH needs to tell her to take her suitcase downstairs. No, SCRATCH that, because Princess can never carry her suitcase up or down stairs anymore....don't know how she manages going down the front steps at the dorm......DH can take her suitcase to the basement and tell her she is setting up shop there for the summer while she's here.

The basement has dirt stains on the carpet where the dogs run in and out the dog door, but we have plenty of commercial mats that cover everything. She can live with the animals since she has chosen to bring one home against MY will -- since DH is obviously allowing this. I think the basement needs to be her permanent digs for the next two years when she is home. If she's cold? Well, then put some damn clothes on bitch!

THAKS AGAIN, TWOVIEWPOINTS!!!

~ Moon

You guys keep me going. Thank you.

SD19 will be home tonight after I have retired to my room for the evening. She is bringing a sorority sister to spend the night since the sis is graduating tomorrow and lives out of state. SD19 was dumb enough to ask if there was dog hair in the basement because sorority sis is allergic to dogs! DH told her that they can both expect to be licked in the face tomorrow morning by multiple dogs, as the dog door is in SD19's "new room."

1) I have already hidden the good snacks.
2) Good towels have been in my master bedroom closet for 2-1/2 years because SD19 rubs black mascara all over them. I have picked out the two shittiest towels I own for DH to give to SD19 and her friend, not expecting to ever see them again.
3) I was planning to password protect the LR TV so that the SDs won't watch in there. They have the basement tv.
4) "No filter this time, no filter ever again."

I told my therapist today that I was angry with this entire situation at home. I admitted to him that I will not be working on my relationship with SD19 because I don't care anymore. I told him I am looking for a diamond in the rough home, just in case. I called my real estate gf today and told her I needed to see what I would qualify for. No matter what happens, it won't be easy. I'm not going to take this shit anymore, not in my own home. I will show DH and his SDs the door if they start up with me.

I told my therapist that I'm ready to explode and that I'm squirreling away my paychecks. He validated that, surprisingly, because it's my back up plan, my "what if" plan.

~ Moon

My mother and I spoke today and I gave her example after example of how F'ed up things are here. She said if I have to end it, then end it. She meant divorce. I didn't sign up for this. I knew it could happen, but damn, what happened to EOWE and happy SDs because BM was still alive? Instead I get:
1) SDs who haven't grieved their BM
2) SD19 who is an anxious asshat
3) SD13 who wants to be a boy
4) SDog pissing all over my entire house and no one paying him much attention
5) DH going out of town for work
6) Disrespect from all three stooges in one form or another
7) An empty relationship with DH and he still wonders WHY?
8 ) No one to help me out or care for me. I'm independent so I guess I push them away, I don't know.
9) FT parental role when I should have a house free of skids

But let me throw in something good.....SD13 fed the dogs today because I got home late, so that was a plus.

~ Moon

DH and I get up at 415 am so that should be just lovely since they are on college time. SD19 is here and I did not go help move anything in, nor did I greet her. My earplugs are in. Time for sleep lol!

It's almost 530am and DH was up at 415 am. The dog food being dropped into metal pans in the kitchen is quite jarring in the morning when all is quiet lol. DH and his dress shoes on the laminate kitchen floor? That was noisy too. Let's not forget the garage door going up and down. DH just left. I'll stomp into the kitchen in 30 minutes and make some noise.

Plus it's raining, so there are wet dogs running around! }:)

ETA:.........I went downstairs to the kitchen at 6am to leave for work. All of the lights were out and it was dark. My pups should have the kitchen table light on at least, so I turned that ON. The door to the basement stairs is right THERE. I had to make sure the door to the basement stayed open for the dogs so they could let themselves out. It was open maybe 1/4, and that's not good because if they play and bump into it, the door shuts, blocking their path. I opened the door WIDE and kept that kitchen light on.

Then I see SD19's wristlet and car keys on my counter near the stove. We have an entire KEY RACK on the other wall away from the cooking and food areas. So I took SD19's wristlet and tossed it into a basket. On the table. IN THE OTHER ROOM, the dining room. I don't want any of her shit laying around in my kitchen! She will FREAK when she can't find her keys today, and her friend is relying on her for a ride back to campus for graduation (friend is 2 years older).

Then I open the door from the kitchen to the garage. This is where the deep breathing exercises started. There must have been 8-10 piles of crap from SD19's dorm room. Boxes, milk crates, suitcase, cork boards....all kinds of shit, just dumped there. I imagine it will still be there when I get home. DH is coming home early today and he knows I don't want a repeat of last year when SD19 just dumped all of her shit in the basement. This year, she can walk her crap up to her "old room" and shut the door. The "old room" is now storage/dressing room. It is NOT SD19's room anymore. For now, the basement is her "new room" but she shares it with everyone in the house, including the toilet exit for the dogs. I think this is symbolic and instrumental in sending the message to her that she really has no "place" to call her own in my house. }:)

It is raining today, and when that happens, one of the female pups will usually pee in the basement. Maybe they'll do it right in front of SD19's bed...... }:)

Seriously though, she's going to SHIT when she can't find her keys. It's like leaving your purse on the counter next to the oven. You don't DO that. You take your stuff to your room.

Game ON.

~Moon

DH will see all of her crap today when he gets home early. If it is there when I get home I will mention it. Let DH move it all. He probably helped to dump it there, right where I walk every morning to leave the house.

ALSO......DH never asked me for the two bath towels (the shitty ones) so who knows what they are using? Dirty ones from the dorm? }:) }:)

And.......YSD13 got a bad grade on her "Phases of the Moon" science quiz. Bwahahaha!

~ Moon

I just got home. SD19 is out with sorority sis at graduation festivities. I asked DH about the "piles" in the garage. He said he told her not to put it away last night because she would make too much noise and leave things messy. I agree. So DH is on board with SUPERVISING SD19 to put her things away neatly and quietly. Do I see DH walking on eggshells a bit with me now? He asked me what I was going to make for dinner and I sarcastically replied with humor, "Nothing.....BITCH! You know I can eat out of a box and be fine."

LOL so DH is making pasta for SD13, himself and I. I won't have to see SD19 until tomorrow when I get home from work. Then Saturday she goes up the road to pet sit for the entire week, I believe.

And she's taking the hedgehog. I hope the cat swats it and the dog eats it. (Not really, but I'm the sarcastic type.)

~ Moon

We need to keep the door on because sometimes we need to keep them IN the house. They run like crazy when people are mowing their lawns, and exhaust themselves. It's easier to just keep the door ON and WIDE open. }:) Yes, the dogs will be sleeping on a nice bed when SD19 is gone during the day. That's the best part! Bwahahahahaha! }:) }:) }:) }:)

I still haven't seen her yet because she gets home as I am winding down. I might even miss seeing her tonight because she is going back to campus with the sorority sisters. I don't even know the hedgehog is there. It's been nice, so far.

~ Moon