Is it possible to disengage from one Skid and not the others?
SS13 here after known as LD (little douche) decided with BM that they should F up our family photos. We told BM we were having them done, told all the Skids (SD 11, 8, 5) and told BM that we would be taking photos of just the kids so that she could have some as well.
LD decides he doesn't want to go, so he tells BM that FDH beats him. Totally false, but BM runs with it and lets him chose not to come for photo weekend. She then proceeds to tell the girls that Daddy and SM are mean bad people because they took pictures without LD. Well, $150 bucks says that photo shoot was happening with or without that little shit.
LD then proceeds to not come with for 3 more weekends and when its hunting season, he miraculously wants to go.....??????
FDH told him no, you can't come hunting because you chose to ruin our family photos. Go FDH!!!!
Turns out FDH took LD this weekend, but didn't let him go out hunting. And FDH LIED TO ME about it. I couldn't go because I am working 7 days a week to make sure we have enough money for Christmas.
FDH swears that he "got through" to LD because they spent a lot of time talking and LD wasn't allowed to do anything "fun" for the weekend. LD got home an immediate told BM something to send her into a giant rant and cause problems. BIG SURPRISE.
Here is my question. I am so pissed at this kid for his constant manipulative behavior and lack of respect for anybody that I refuse to speak to him until I get a sincere apology. Which I won't because he is a sociopath. How do I disengage from LD while still being close to SDs? Is it possible?
We leave for FDH's parent's on Wednesday and LD is apparently coming. I cannot talk to him without biting his head off.
HELP!!!!
He does nothing but cause
He does nothing but cause problems. I am a behavior therapist and he can't or refuses to do ANYTHING.
Unlike a BM, you owe these
Unlike a BM, you owe these children nothing! You can have your cake and eat it too. I have one adorable SD15, her siblings however SD13 and SS19 have entitlement issues (I must add SD15 lives with us fulltime).
I have disengaged from SD13 and SS19, just recently. There's nothing saying that over time and a shit load of work from them, that I will begin to engage, however I make the right choice for me.
When you disengage, you are still civil to that child(ren), but you leave every single part of parenting up to DH. It relieves the stress, believe me.
Good luck, although you don't need it, you owe him nothing.
You of course can ignore him.
You of course can ignore him. Just don't say anything about him to his sisters.
It's more difficult of course
It's more difficult of course since your interactions with the girls will overlap. A totally disengaged step-parent may not make a meal for the kids, letting Daddy do it, but you may wish to cook an meal and there is no way to not let him participate. I think your overall attitue is to just ignore his presense unless he speaks to you in an acceptable manner. Hello and goodby when they all arrive which in theory includes him and just go about your business. Do things with the girls that he would not want to do anyway - girly stuff like shopping or that he's too old for.
When it comes time for presents such as Christmas you may wish to let Daddy do all the buying and not give any personal presents to anyone. I.e. all of the kids get a present(s) from "us". Let Daddy fill out the card or label. Eventually he'll reach the point where he doesn't visit and then you can buy anyone anything you want with the valid excuse that he wasn't around so he missed out.
I agree. Sometimes all
I agree. Sometimes all children have to be part of something. Just reserve your special moments for those who deserve them. That's not wrong. I have a SD who is hell on wheels. She deserves nothing from me and gets just that. When her mom gets angry with me for excluding her, I simply tell her to look from a distance at how she acts, and ask herself if she would ever want to be around that shit if it weren't her own blood.