no its not your responsibility to buy her a car. She can get her parents to do that and/or get a job, She has some major entitlement issues to even speak about how you spend your money and your dh needs to put her in her place.

she sounds like my sd19. i was pregnant 2 1/2 years ago and she went into a tirade about how now she wasn't going to get a car and would have to pay for college on her own. she even posted on fb about how i needed to get on birth control instead of worrying about her being on it. i posted right back to her that i don't need a teenager telling me what my priorities should be, and that i don't know where she gets that i care whether or not she's on birth control because i DON'T. it isn't, wasn't, and never will be my responsibility to buy her a car or pay for school. selfish asshole. my OWN kids are who i worry about, NOT HER.

This is NOT typical 17yr old stuff...this IS "typical entitled 17yr old little shit" stuff...NEVER did I ask my parents to buy me a car. I didn't even get a license until I was 21, because it wasn't until then that I could afford to buy MYSELF a car. Up until that point, I got rides everywhere, including work and college. Geez. I wouldn't buy her a darn thing.

herewegoagain is absolutely right, it is not "typical" 17 year old stuff at all. It is typical entitled spoilt brat stuff. You have given this girl everything and now she wants a car, to her a new pair of shoes, a car, all the same, just stuff you should give her. Tell her what you have told us, you have given her a, b, c, d, x, y,z and that is enough, now if she wants to give up some of her luxuries, and she works part time and saves all that money, the money you save on buying new shoes, cosmetics and all her luxury items you may decide contribute a little something towards the car, say perhaps match whatever mom puts towards it.

She is a spoilt brat and is clearly ungrateful, best you put the brakes on this before she is a 27 year old spoilt little girl in a woman's body. She is not learning what goes on in the real world and she is not learning appreciation. Tell her no, if she gets upset, tell her ring your dad.

No car for her....However, I did make sure my son had a car at 16. But, he jumped through hoops to get it. I pay no gas. I pay insurance and expenses for the truck. But, he had to Eagle before he could drive it. It sat for 3 months until he did. Even now, he knows if his grades go to a B in any class, it is parked until they are back up. He has to figure out his gas. He wanted to drive to school, I refused to pay for the parking pass, since my taxes get a bus...He has had to come up with ways to pay for things. Since he is not motivated to get a job, he has to earn money doing extra stuff for me or grandma. But, he has to get a job this summer....

I figure the expense I pay, will come back with the number of scholarships he will get...

Your expectations need to be higher for her....Otherwise, hell no. Earn some money and buy yourself a car.

You know this really isn't a problem. Your car is your car, whether you have used it as collateral or not is not only none of her business, but it makes not one bit of damn difference. The word you need to use to her is NO. No, we cannot buy a car as we cannot afford it, NO you cannot drive my car because it is my car and I do not want you to drive it, NO I do not have to give you any other reasons for that, it is my car and you can't drive it and NO I will not continue this conversation.

The girl is a spoilt brat and trust me she will appreciate nothing you give her because everything has been on tap. People who get everything for nothing never appreciate anything and never look after it. Check out the other stuff you have given her over the years, where is it, what condition is it in, how long did she wear it before she got sick of it, or it was no longer fashionable. Give her a brand new car and within a year probably 6-8 months she will have smashed it so many times that you had better have a close relationship with the car dealer because you are going to be buying a lot of cars. I have known someone whose daughter I overheard telling friends, she was sick of her car, and she wanted another one, so she was smashing it whenever she could to get dad to get her a better one. Just a dent here and a dent there, but daddy would not like his daughter to be seen in a car like that, and she knew it. Your special little Princess I feel will be no damn different. Probably worse because even you have not set any boundaries as far as buying stuff for her.

You seem concerened about saying NO to her so I am guessing that you are afraid of her. You are setting this girl up for NPD and ruining her life. Your role as parents is to bring your children up to be self sufficient, productive members of society. Not freeloaders.

She is not your problem at all, it would appear the biggest problem here is you. Overcompensating for BM, please. Providing this girl with a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in her belly is more than BM has done. Providing her with medical care and an education is more than BM has done.You are as stepmother who has overindulged this little brat, she needs to know that as a SM you did not have to do one damn thing for her except to keep her safe whilst in your care, yet you have provided all these luxurys and she is still complaining and asking for more tell her it is not on, she needs to show you more appreciation, not more expectation. You cannot change who her mother is and how she is treated by her BM by buying her stuff.

She is an ungrateful little cow because you felt good giving her this stuff, and from that she learned that, that is what you do, give her stuff. By the way, you say she has been driving, what has she been driving - Your car I guess.

Stop giving into her, it is NEVER to late to change this, you just have to handle it differently. So, because she is this age, you are going to have to sit her down tell her you are sorry, but you cannot afford to buy her a car, you will match dollar for dollar what she saves if you can afford to, and as you cannot have a car in your own name until you are 18, you need to start saving so that by then you have enough money saved for registration and insurance,as well as the car you in a year should be able to save a significent amount of money. She needs to learn along with having a car comes the responsibility of running it. If she wants adult privilages then she needs to accept the adult responsibilities. She needs to know that cars cost money to run also, gas, services, repairs, insurace, registration, so a year of saving will do her good. Please, do not be afraid to say NO enough is enough.

I think with the best intentions in the world, you have done the wrong thing by this girl. Look at how she has turned out, I am sure this is not only how you wanted her to turn out, but I bet you never saw it coming.

If you do not stand up to her, stop her from bullying you into buying stuff for her now, she will get older and want more, before long she will be expecting you to support not only her, but the baby or babies she will bash off because she has no idea of responsibility, because no one has ever expected her to be responsible. I feel sorry for her really no one likes a spoilt brat. Please find the strength to say, it is not up for discussion, we cannot afford it, so stop asking us, the answer will not change. And all the best of luck to you. I imagine it is not going to be easy telling her NO now, but you do need to take back your power, sound as if you and DH have let her rule the roost for far too long now. Good Luck

The firs time you stand up to her will be the worst time, after that it will get easier and easier each time.

I think you are on the right path now to be honest and thank goodness DH is right there with you that makes it easier.

If it helps ease your guilt ( which by the way you should not have) I brought my three kids up on mhy own. Poor little buggers were lucky to get fed, let alone a car. Anyway even if I had the money, which I didn't I would never have bought them cars, they had to work part time jobs as well as attend school and they had to save for every single thing they wanted. My eldest had been working at kentucky chicken since she was 14, poor thing worked all the rotten shifts and as many as she could get and she bought nothing for herself, 3 weeks before her 18th birthday she bought a small Holden Barina car with only 38,000 kilometres on teh speedo, and it brand new condition she paid cash for the car, paid $2,000 up front for her insurance, and bought a cell phone as well. All up she had saved $17,000 just from working at KFC all three of them had to do it that way and they were good kids they never caused me any grief. But I did not feel one ounce of guilt about this. I saw it as me doing a bloody good job teaching my kids savings habits, responsibiity and the power of hard work. I turned out a teacher, a cabinet maker and joiner, and a human resources consultant. They are 29, 34 and 36 now, all have their own homes, the middle son only has $10K to go before he owns his outright. They all have pretty new cars now and they all are self sufficient. They never ask me for anything and I am now in a position were I could help out, but they just don't even ask. In fact the opposite if I am out shopping with them they always pay for the coffees and if I try to buy the grandkis something sure they will let me, but if they think it is over the top in price, no way they won't let e spend my money. My DH well his 3 same ages as mine are greedy lazy money hungry over induged pieces of crap who would not know the first thing about buying a car as daddy supplied them with cars they never worked until their late 20's early 30's and they well the daughter anyway wants dad dead so she (she thinks) can get our house Hope she's not running up any debt waiting for my house, I would burn it to the ground first. Imagine wanting us dead and being so sure of daddy's devotion she thinks she can say that and still get the house. Actually come to think of it though, she is right, if it weren't for me, he would give her the house. Because in spite of every single thing he has done for them and bought them, he knows that if he wants them in his life he has to buy them still. Thank God that part of my life is over. Your SD sounds like mine and I banned mine from my home 6 months ago, I am so glad she's gone, that woman was pure evil.

If you really care about this girl. Stick to your guns, teach her the value of a $ and show her that you are a person too. I always taught my kids that I had feelings, that I had needs and wants just like them, sure I went without so much so they could have bread and butter, but simple things like, no you cannot watch your favourite show because this is my TV and I want to watch whatever are really all it takes to show your kids you respect yourself and that you have to get your way too sometimes. Teach her that a family is about give and take, everyone chipping in and working together, supporting each other, family isnot all about the kids getting everything and the parets nothing. If you show her she comes first and you go without so she can have it, well you are not helping her. The last cookie in the jar is not necessarily hers, and she has to know there are other people in the house too, it's not all about her.

Now I blame you too but no use going back over the past, you cannot change it, so stop beating yourself up, just start fresh, and is sounds as if you have, and just keep doing what you're doing now. She'll get over it. And please do not worry about her making it on her own, tough love works. If she cannot hack life at home with you guys then let her go. See how far she gets, see if she can find another place to live rent free with gas and utilities paid for, some idiot looking out for her doing the cleaning, the wshing the ironing, the cooking all for free............Let her go, it will be a good lesson, and if she falls and wants to come back in, then it is on YOUR terms and you need to state them before she sets one foot in the front door and you need to constantly re inforce them till she gets it, and she will. She will turn out to be a better woman for it, and she will learn to live with other people on the planet, in short she will be what she should be a self sufficient woman. One who managed to buy her own car, and the sense of pride she would derive from that would do her the world of good and enhance her self confidence. If she knew she could buy her own car she would feel as if she could buy anything as long as she plans it right.