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Is it worth it?

Adviceneed1234's picture

Submitted by Adviceneed1234 on Sun, 08/30/2015 - 9:54pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

Hi there. So as most people on here have very many different experiences I thought I would use this as a resource. I have a SD12 and a BS2. My SD hates me to no end. We had a blow out this weekend and it's even making me question my marriage. My DH says I don't show her enough love and kids these days don't respect adults so I should worry about it. I've known her since she was 4. She's very very spoiled. She talks to my husband and I like garbage. Back in the day I let it roll of my back, but now being a BP, there isno way I will allow my son to talk to me like that. My sitter knows when my SD is at the house since he's not acting his usual self. My husband says I need to put more effort into it. I have tried it all spoiling her, babying her, tried to teach her right from wrong, authoritative,and ignoring, nothing works. He's telling me all these options and I said you are forgetting one, I can leave. Where I don't nec want to do that I don't want my son to be around the craziness of my SD. bTW her mom has called me a bitch and my DH an idiot in front of her face. Anywho, anyone that has stuck it through or anyone in a similar situation to leave? Pros? Cons?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sun, 08/30/2015 - 10:04pm

Tell your dh you've tried it his way for years. You're doing it your way now. Do not take any crap whatsoever from that girl.

BTW, your dh is deluded. You don't have to "take it" and you should not. That only makes it worse. Tell him he can live in hell if he wants but you are not going to. And then don't. One way or the other, don't.

I began speaking up about my sdthen13 shortly before our wedding. Didn't go well. I backed off. Shortly after our wedding I reached my breaking point and we had some very serious conversations. Ultimately, he asked me to keep "giving her chances." I agreed to do it. I proceeded to do it his way for about the next year. One day I said "no more." By then he had to admit that his way was not working and I had done what he asked. I took my power back. Not perfect here but things have been a thousand percent better since the day I told that girl I had her number and she better watch her back, dad couldn't save her from me.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 6:30am

Paddle! Or belt! Keep one handy, she gets lippy, treats you or your husband like "garbage" you get in her face, poke her in the breast bone with a firm finger, pop her in the lips with the back of your fingers and you say .... "Look you little rude useless little shit, you will not speak to my husband or I, or our child in any way but with respect. Now bend over and grab your ankles because I am going to light your ass up with this paddle. Do it know or I will make you do it!!!!"

She of course will not so you smack the paddle or belt on the nearest flat surface that will make a big noise and you yell "NOW GET YOUR ASS TO YOUR ROOM BEFORE I DO SPANK YOUR BARE RUDE LITTLE GIRL ASS!!!!!"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

She either complies with behavioral standards in your home or she lives a life of abject misery. She stands with her nose in a corner for hours on end. She sits alone in an empty part of the house writing countless sentences in perfect hand writing, spelling, and punctuation clearly addressing her current behavioral indiscretion, she gets her lips popped or her ass whupped as needed, and she never gets a reprieve unless her behavior complies with standards.

Tolerate no deviation form acceptable behavior from her, ever, for any reason. She is 12 not 2. It is time for her to suffer the consequences of her behaviors in no unclear terms.

Pretty simple.

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 8:12am

Wait until she starts having her period, then she’ll be one of those who throws her napkins all over the place, for sure. Nothing like a good old-fashioned territorial marking. Anyway, that is what happens when boundaries aren’t set and animalistic behavior is tolerated by the bios. What is it someone once said—people put up with or are expected to put up with behavior in step-situations that they would never put up with otherwise? This is clearly one of those situations. Thank goodness you have a good head on your shoulders, at least. Yes, you will have to look out for yourself and your child, no matter what that takes. Others here have given good responses for how to go about doing that.

over step's picture

Submitted by over step on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 2:52pm

Disengage! Disengage! Disengage! Don't let dh fool you into believing that this is your job to sort out. You tried. It didn't work. Time to move on. Give your love, compassion and life knowledge to your bs who deserves it. Sd is Dh's problem now.

Andie91801's picture

Submitted by Andie91801 on Mon, 08/31/2015 - 5:27pm

It's time to distant yourself and let her parents do their jobs. She's your SD...no need to worry or care. Whatever happens to her is on them. Don't cook, don't clean, don't discipline, don't wash, don't do anything. Whenever she's at your place it's your husband's job to look after her. She's 12, she can feed herself. May be you can help to dial 911 in case emergency.

A.