Liar, manipulator.
The biggest pet peeve I have in my life is liars; I have zero tolerance for any lie. Both my boys know this and are very honest with me, thankfully. (8yo and 4yo)
My boyfriends daughter, 15, is a liar. About the dumbest things.
Claims shes a size 5.5 but she's the same size shoe as me.
Claims shes 100 pounds when she is three inches taller than me, has D breasts and a size 5 in pants with thighs. I'm 105, she's at least 120.
She just lies all day long and tries to one up everyone every chance she gets. She's a manipulator.
My boyfriend KNOWS this. He told me about it in the first place. He was hoping she wouldn't come from Arizona to spend this summer down here because of it and was hoping she doesn't come the next two summers.
After she pulled this huge stunt trying to get between us and lying to her dad about me.....He's been all over her. She gets whatever she wants. Daddy. DADDY. I want. I want. I want. Daddy. DADDY. I WANT.
I'm gritting my teeth and trying to ignore the sound of her voice. She abuses the hell out of her dad.
She asked for some stupid fake lashes at walmart. He got them for her. MEANWHILE, she gives this huge goodie bag of makeup and junk and FALSE LASHES to a 'friend' in town. (I say 'friend' because she moved to Arizona with her mom when she was 12 and all the friends she's tried to have come over here this summer have bailed, she's buying their friendship...wait...dad is fronting the money)
I tell my boyfriend this.
His response, 'well I don't know about that.'
I told him that his daughter was trying to make me think another girl was around last summer before I'd moved in.
His response, 'Well, if that really happened.'
I informed him that the 50 dollar PUSH UP bra from VICTORIA'S SECRETS that she conned him into buying her last summer was down stairs on the couch. His daughter claimed her older sister stole it...which was why he went and bought her another PUSH UP bra from PINK. She's 15 and dressing like a slut.
His response was basically....how could I know that was the same bra, his daughter could have gotten her words mixed up, it could have been a different bra from last summer.
I am an adult. I shop at Victoria's Secret for push up bra's because I don't have boobs. I can recognize a bra. His daughter only got one bra last summer from Victoria's Secret and this is the bra that she said was stolen. The Victoria's Secret one.
I'm not an idiot. I know she lied to get him to buy her another bra.
Bottom line, no matter how many times I show him over and over how she is lying to him and using the fuck out of him, he still takes her word over mine and gives her the benefit of the doubt.
I'm lost. He doesn't trust me and I can't handle it. He knows she's a liar and manipulator yet he walks right into it every single time.
WHY?????
WOW. Feels like you're
WOW. Feels like you're preaching to the choir. I have a 17 yr old SD who has been in my life since she was 3. She is the same way about the lying. I'm fed up. But, I'm not going to go into MY situation, b/c this is about yours. The weight thing, yep. My SD said she was almost 1355...DH weighed her, she's 147! (Reason he weighed her was b/c she wants to go into the air force and he KNOWS she needs to lose weight. He's a state trooper so he knows about fitness.) Ok, so I get the whole thing about the BF somehow defending their kid and maybe being overly protective of them but you are his girlfriend and he should be more respectful to your feelings and opinions. I'm not sure why men (no offense to them) are often quite manipulated by females; whether it be wives, mothers or daughters because I'm not a shrink, but it is odd. Maybe just sit him down when she's not around and have a conversation with him about how you feel, what you KNOW and ask him why he seems to disregard your stance on things. Remind him that you are his S.O. and he loves you and you love him. Tell him that you wouldn't bring it up if it didn't affect you and the fact that you are seeing the man you love being taken advantage of and that it should bother him when you are being shunned for your caring and knowledge.
Really hope this helps. Best to you
I know how frustrating this is. You need to keep your head up and speak your mind (objectively, not provokingly and tactfully.) Tell him exactly what you said here and remember to express your FEELINGS about him being taken advantage of. Tell him it's only the beginning if she's only 12 Think about how much worse it will get when she's 14, 15, 16, etc. Just be sure not to make him feel like he's stupid for being duped b/c ya know how men can get! EGO!
**I meant 135 lbs
**I meant 135 lbs
mwhahahahaha she's 15...
mwhahahahaha she's 15... seems like they all do it, manipulate daddy.
Your boyfriend is Disney Daddy, you will not be able to change this, ignore the summer holiday and this is what you are going to do.
1. Do not get married, keep him your boyfriend and keep finances separate, who cares if he blows his money he will quickly learn to budget and how to say NO.. You will not support him financially in any way or form.
2. Disengage from the little princess, she's not your child and you are not responsible for her, ignore her, be polite, greet and that's the end. Her father can cater for all her needs and whims when she visits.
3. Make sure she does not move back permanently..this you have allot of time for negotiating very softly with your boyfriend, without him realizing what you are doing, plant the seed, give it water and see it grow, all the crap about how girls need their mother
4. Stop bad mouthing her, never tell her Dad anything bad about her, it's a male thing, they take sides with the accused. Beware of what you are saying in front of him and his family or your children for that matter.Don't point out her behavior, sit and think you little snot.... the sooner you stop this the sooner his eyes open, she will keep on bad mouthing you and tell stories but then he sides with you.
See in front of him you are a friendly GF, (fake it till you make it) but when you are alone with SD, you ignore her and learn to say ask your Dad..... take your boys and live your life, you do not need to cater for her. She will tell him stories about you, smile and say.. ahhh she's dreaming again.
Keep in mind when she's 17, she will have a boyfriend and then she probably will not visit, if she wants to bring the boyfriend with, you say NO..or any other friend for that matter, you will not take responsibility for other peoples children over a summer holiday. You have to focus on the future now and stop anything like this. Hell if they can manipulate, so we can we, we are adults and more clever... but seriously do not get married till this brat is out of his house with no visitation.
How much older than 15 are
How much older than 15 are you?
I don't think it's about the
I don't think it's about the bra.... replace bra with anything else - I think it's about how the girl BS'd her dad into buying her another one, and I think the point about the type is that this ain't no 10$ bra from Walmart.
They're right though - not your money, not your daughter... Yes she's a liar - but she's not YOUR liar. Just leave it alone, unless she lies about you... but since you're not complaining about her anymore, her dad will likely see it for what it is isntead of automatically defending his little precious.
He doesn't trust me This^^^is
He doesn't trust me
This^^^is the problem. Because when she starts lying about things that actually affect you and your relationship, where does it leave you when your boyfriend doesn't trust you? What kind of a relationship is that?
Sounds like he doesn't see
Sounds like he doesn't see her very often and wants to spoil her a little when he does see her.
Does this affect your household in regards to bills being paid?
I can understand being a little jealous. Daughter isn't normally around and now she is, pissing on your territory, lying, being annoying and getting daaaadddyyyy to give her what she wants.
As long as it's not your
As long as it's not your money that's being spent, or so long as you are not covering your SO's bills because he can't pay them, then it's his issue.
I've learned to keep out of it and let him deal with things like this.
And who cares if she says her shoe size or weight is different. Really?
Ignore.
Keep your house clean. Let everyone know that they need to pick up their stuff and if they don't do so w/in 24 hours then you will deal with it as you think best.
Don't tattle, don't complain, don't say another word against her.
My boyfriends makes more than
My boyfriends makes more than enough money to support himself and me if he wanted to. Money is not an issues, it's that she's lying to get him to waste money.
Before she came out here this summer, there was a chance she wasn't going to come and he really hoped she wouldn't because she causes drama every single summer. He was hoping she didn't come the next two summers before she's 18.
HE DOESN'T EVEN THINK SHE'S HIS BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER! His sister told him she knew who the ex wife cheated on him with around the time this daughter was conceived and this girl looks NOTHING like dad or her siblings.
She trashed talked the hell out of him at the start of her trip out here, she ignored him and wanted almost nothing to do with him unless it involved his wallet.
He said there wasn't going to be anymore 'Daddy ATM' this summer.
This bra? She claimed she needed new bra's because hers didn't fit because of boob spillage. She has large breasts and she's wearing push up bras and letting them hang out for the world to see. The new bra she got? you can see it's too tight and she still has spillage. It's another push up bra that doesn't fit. What 15 year old needs a push up bra? That's meant to accent the breasts. He gets annoyed when some grown man is talking to his daughter but he lets her ass hang out in short shorts and her breasts out there for the world to see. He let's her dress like a slut, what does he expect? How do I even phrase that to him nicely? 'Your daughter is a slut.' Her not-boyfriend is one of those guys that 'doesn't want to commit to a real relationship right now.' aka, just wants ass. Last summer- she had a guy in the house when no adults were home. Dad called police while he was in the house for a good scare because we are pretty sure he was over 18. She lost her phone and tada! She was getting into the liquor cabinet and sending nudes to lots of guys!
But she turns around and starts drama with a huge lie involving me and BAM. He doesn't believe anything I've let him know about her behavior, she can do no wrong in his eyes.
She's an asshole to her younger brother and kept telling him "Name, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about". Shut up. Shut up. She is rude to him and never lets him just be a kid. Shuts him down and puts him down every single chance she gets. She can do it but he can't.
I finally got a small part of that issue to stop after I sent my boyfriend a text asking him it was okay with his daughter telling his son to shut up and putting him down. That I was going to tell her to shut up if I heard it one more time. You don't speak to your siblings like that.
I bought stuff for dinner one night, and she went a head and cooked it right in front of me without asking. Left a disaster all over the kitchen that I had to clean up. This has been a continuous issue where she trashes the kitchen and throws everything in the sink when the dishwasher is ready for the dirty dishes.
It's gotten to the point where I clean after only myself, my son, his son and sometimes the boyfriend. Boyfriend is the neat freak here-he's cleaner then me sometimes.
I stood my ground when I told him I cleaned the whole kitchen.....except for the mess she made. He went and cleaned up after a 15 year old girl is more than capable of cleaning her own mess.
What does this show the girl? It's okay to trash the house because Daddy will clean it. My 4 year old is cleaner than her. She, for some reason, doesn't always flush the toilet....wtf?
She acts like she runs the house. I go food shopping, asks if she needs anything.... claims she needs very particular items. AKA, Dad needs to take me so I can waste his money because I don't really need anything. Happens every time I go out.
I make a food plan of what I'm cooking on what nights and then she goes out with dad and gets some crap for a high carb meal- dad hits the gym a lot and AVOIDS carbs like the plague. She has ruined my meal plans on more than one occasion and I've went ahead and made my dinner for lunch that day she wants to cook her garbage.
I was beyond ready to slap her after she gave my 4 year old soda. After I told her and her brother that my son is NOT ALLOWED to have soda and that he don't even like it multiples times that day. I showed them both, in front of them, when I gave him a sip, that he won't drink it.
Two hours later- she had her cherry coke and gave my son a sip on purpose. He, of course, didn't like it but the nerve of her.
Later that day, his kids spent 22 dollars on frozen yogurt for just themselves. I told my son he couldn't have any- we were going the ice cream place across the street. So she starts spooning it to my son after she saw I said no. After she knew we were going to get ice cream for dad, me and my son.
And I can't say anything about this because dad is now at the point where she can do no wrong. She's an angel who is perfect and deserves the world. He's defending all her actions. Every time.
He knows she a liar. He knows she's an manipulator. I can't stand watching the man I love get played by this bitch of a teenager like a fiddle. He said no more 'Daddy ATM' and he fell right back into the crap. I proved she was lying and he defended her to the death.
My mom says all girls use their dads.
Boyfriend and I will never get married after what his ex wife did to him. But we live together and we have no intention of ending our relationship.
She is 15, this could be her last summer because next summer- she'll have a car that dad pays for the insurance on.
She comes out here with her brother for about a month and half and he goes to visit them in winter around Christmas time for a week. He'll go out there in either fall or spring for a week also. PA to AZ. His whole family is out there so he's visits them too.
Boyfriends mom doesn't like the 15 year old daughter because she is rude and calls her by her name and not Nana. She's a replica of her mom and his family can't stand the ex wife.
So yes, he doesn't seem them a whole lot. Yes, he wants to spoil them. But it's like he's rewarding bad behavior. He doesn't want to believe she's grown up so he ignores the lies and lets her manipulate him.
I want to sit down and have a talk with him about this a couple weeks after they are gone. Then she's no longer in his head and maybe he'll think clearly......??
Hon disengage, you don't own
Hon disengage, you don't own this girl anything - read up on mini wife....and Disney Dad for that matter.
You did not have to clean the kitchen, you could've left it and let him clean the whole kitchen
Her putting down her brother - it's not engagement if you say SD stop this your brother is not a dog, now you shut up... you will win SS over and 2 is always better then one
If she wants to waste her Dad's money who cares, he will wake up soon enough, stop making an issue out of it, as long as he pays his bills and leaves your money out of it, who cares?
Next time you go to the shops - simply go, you do not ask her to tag along or if she wants anything. If she asks you something smile and say - ask your dad.
If she dresses like a hoochy, make sure you are not seen with her in public, if it's a family outing simply say - SD please dress appropriately or you will not come with us. If DH gets pissy, smile and say - you 2 go then I will not be seen with her while she's dressed like that, cause men talk.
Never complain about her, keep quiet, not your monkey not your circus.
I've been where you are now and I could do this, so can you...
1) The Mini-Wife feels she
1) The Mini-Wife feels she has equal standing with her stepmother
2) The Mini-Wife may be overly affectionate towards her father, and might even be inappropriate in her affections
3) Mini-Wives tend to occur more frequently, and perhaps be more pronounced in relationships where the father has been single for a long period of time
1-She's always sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong and trying to make group decisions and over turn mine.
2-I've felt there have been plenty of inappropriate things between them that she initiates but I never really had a strong bond with my own dad. She had her legs over him the one day going on and on and on about her leg hairs she missed. Rubbed her feet on him because her step dad didn't like it. Stroked his hand as she was telling him she wanted something. Lately she's been more persistent about sitting next to him.
3-He's been divorced for about 8 years now- she was 7 at the time. I'm his first long standing, serious girlfriend, 3.5 years now. She acts like she runs the house and takes the shopping cart to buy stuff she needs for dinner. I'm the woman of the house- I cook. She needs to ask me.
WOW. I had absolutely no idea this was even a thing! I can't thank you enough for letting me know about this!
Dad certainly spoils them rotten and gives them, mostly her, whatever they ask for. He can afford it but it's a lack of limits. He got her $500 bow for Christmas because she said, 'I said I liked it and he got it for me.' Extremely ungrateful. It was a pink camo bow. Really? She brags about not using it too.
This gives me the courage to stand my ground. Thank you!
I have the same issue with my
I have the same issue with my SD12 - the best case scenario for her is gross exaggeration and the worst case blatant lies. I really, really struggle with this as honesty is one of my core values. The difference is my DH, although less strict than me, is not a Disney Dad and calls SD on her lies. It's just that it irritates me far more than DH as I can't see the point in talking to someone at all when everything they say is rubbish. However, the lies is just one of many unlikeable traits my SD demonstrates
It's bullshit all the
It's bullshit all the time.
Simple example:
Dad let her paint the spare bedroom downstairs even though she's only here for a month and half-if that. She was complaining about getting little paint splatter on her from the roller.
So I let her know she was probably going too fast.
INSTANT EXCUSE BECAUSE SHE'S PERFECT- It's been four hours so I'm obviously not going too fast.
So I told her that she probably had too much paint on the brush.
It's excuse after excuse because she has to appear like a perfect girl. She can do no wrong. It's all the time, When she talks about her friends- it's always these drawn out, repeated stories we've heard 10 times already about how poor they are and how their parents are so mean to them and blah blah blah, pity my poooooor friends.
The lies are manipulative to get what she wants. Trying to make me thing dad brought another girl around last summer when she couldn't even remember girls name- in efforts to start an issue between me and her dad so I'd leave. I have stuck my two cents in and this brat hasn't been able to get everything she desires this summer. I can't stand watching her use and abuse her dad like this. Lying about a bra to get a new one. Lying about needing new cloths- she sells them for money!!!!
I understand how infuriating
I understand how infuriating liars are. My Skid was one when he was in his teens. Not to manipulate but because he is a pleaser. He would have rather told someone what he thought they wanted to hear rather than the truth. We struggled for years to get the message across to him that the truth would always trump a lie and that if he lied once we would assume that everything he said was a lie. What finally got the point across was an incident that he apparently didn't lie about and went postal when we refused to believe him because of his history as a liar.
We had to adjust our behavior to help stop his lying. I quit asking him questions and started directing him to tell me or show me. A basic question like "Have you done your homework?" would invariably get a "Yes" before the question had completely left my mouth. So instead of asking I instructed him to show me his homework. A direct call to action prevented his usual lies.
You may want to start nailing her lying ass to the wall with a directive for action. As an example, when she plays the lost Vickies bra card instruct her to go downstairs and get the bra that you saw and show it to you and her dad. The two of you follow her down so she cant stash it. When her lie is exposed then crush her with a tirade of demands for an explanation of why she lied. No quarter, no tolerance.
The paint spatter example is a perfect opportunity to nail her ass to the liar's wall. "The paint spatter on your clothes proves that you are full of shit and don't know your ass from a hole in the ground as far as painting is concered. STFU, and learn rather than lying your ass off. Get your ass back down there and finish the job without getting any more pain on yourself or anywhere other than the wall."
Lather, rinse, repeat. Box her in and eventually she will not be able to lie her ass off quite as much. The fun part is watching her head prepare to explode in frustration as you confront her bullshit incessantly and take away her options to lie.
Have fun! }:)