Hi everyone! I am new here and just need to vent and some advice if you have some.

Just a little background, I have two children from a previous relationship DD13 and DS14. My DH and I have a DD5 together as well. My husband and I have been together for going on 13 years (married 7) My DH came into our relationship with SD16 and SS18 (at the time SD was 3 and SS was 6) My children and I came out of a domestic violence situation so things were hard for a while for us.

When I met my DH his children were pretty awful actually, I tried really hard to like them, get to know them, spend time with them and encourage them. I spent about 7 years trying to teach them manners and kindness and morals. SD was the most attention seeking, manipulative, controlling kid and always had to be the center of everything,she steals ,she lies, the drama is on overload  SS was extremely arrogant and haughty, only played xbox, no friends,told people he was better than them exc and very rude. DH, BM and all DH's family tell SS he is a genius even though he was pooping his pants till age 14 and picking his nose and no showers ever. I thought over time it would get better .. it did not. BM would actually tell her kids that they WERE better than everyone else and everyone else is inferior to them. She had no rules, boundaries, go out and smoke pot and party, be her childrens friends (but only when it was convienent to her) otherwise she threw them off on my DH (boyfriend at the time). DH is a complete disney dad, spoiled them completely rotten as young kids then he lost his money and so now he just kisses their ass. As the kids got older and as I became more of an influence on them BM started PASing the kids. The kids would talk back to their father and I. They would curse around my children, try to get my children in trouble and SD would steal and blame it on my daughter. We have rules in our house and they are the standard No swearing, respect, clean your messes, work hard, no watching inappropriate things, showers everyday kind of thing. 

When my DH and I got married the PAS got worse from BM, to the point SD and SS dictated the visiting schedule. If they said they didnt want to come, they did not come. DH just let it roll as he didnt want to upset princess and prince. We live in a four bedroom home and my SD and SS shared the top floor when they would actually visit. The room was an absolute pig sty it was disgusting. The room was kept locked when they were not here "to prevent my children from going in there". When DH and I had a baby , my DD and baby had to share a room and that was not working for a 7 year old and baby to share and SD and SS only came over maybe one weekend a month if that. So I told my DH I wanted to move my DD up to the top floor and let SD and SS have the sleeper sofa and futon whenever they did come to visit. He wasnt having that! he told me noway they had to have their own room!! So for a year my daughter slept on the sofa. One day I had enough of ALL of it so I marched in that room and disasembled SS and SD bed packed all their stuff in boxes and threw it in the attic, i cleaned up the month old soda cans, scrubbed red nail polish off my carpet got all their crap off the floor .Then I put my DD bed up there all while my husband was at work. I told myself that day that I was NOT going to put up with it anymore. No more disrespect from the stepkids, no more disney dad.

Fast Forward to now. SS 18 is barely in our lives at all (he got mad because my DH took him to go see a Christian movie and SS went all Exorcist on him) He is 18 never worked a day in his life, wont leave his room only plays xbox. SD is a different matter, she would only come around when she wanted new shoes, or money from DH until last Christmas we had a blow up. SD wanted to move in with us (she was physically attacking her mother, smoking pot, getting in trouble at school, posting almost nude photos on Instagram, sexting boys and girls) She wanted to change schools "because her school was full of stupid rednecks" (it was really that nobody likes her b/c she is two faced). I told DH it was an awful idea! That she wont follow the rules and she is a horrible influence to the children in this house. I told DH that he never lays the law down and lets her get away with murder and I would end up being the heavy. Eventually I agreed to a trial weekend, I told my DH he has to get on the same page with me on the rules with her (as he is quick to enforce them on my children). The night she was to come I made a ham dinner with all the fixings and tried to be nice, she ate all the food and I told her to come outside with DH and I so we could talk about the rules. I told her I would love to see her change her life for the better and we thought we could help her do that. I told her there are some rules that i was sure my DH had mentioned to her and she said he did. I told her there would be no drugs in our home, no swearing, no phone past 8, no inappropriate pictures on instagram. She started fighting back with me and said she was not changing her views on smoking pot or posting the nude photos. She then called me a bitch , and so I told her to get out of my house. Then my DD5 opened the door to ask us something and SD bent down in her face and screamed "GO AWAY!!!" My DD5 started bawling her eyes out and ran upstairs. SD left and I told my DH she is never allowed back here. He can go see her somewhere else. 

Ever since that day at odd times my SD will randomly call my DH wanting to talk to my DD13 (my DD13 cannot stand SD, SD has been just awful to her! and SD hates her to) My DH handed her the phone and SD told my DD13 how much she missed and loved her and was working and saving up money to buy a car and pick her up so they could spend time together. My DD13 told me about it later because it was SO weird and they hate each other. I told my DH I want SD to have NO contact with any of my children.That is his daughter and he should spend time with her but leave us out of it. He got upset about that but got over it. On my DD13 birthday for the first time in almost 13 years SD put a huge thing on her FB telling my DD13 Happy Birthday and how much she loved her and missed her and enjoyed growing up with her...yeah.....right. My DD13 birthday is two days after father's day and SD NEVER calls, texts or even acknowledges DH existence on that day. So after another disappointing fathers day my SD text DH and says "Make sure you tell DD13 Happy birthday and I got her something!!!" he was pretty hurt and confused because she never called/text or even thought to get him a card for fathers day , however for the first time in 13 years she is telling DD13 happy birthday and buying her a card!? I want NOTHING to do with this kid!! I just want her to leave us alone, I am tired of her manipulating people and the drama. I want her to stay away from my children. Sorry so long... just needed to get that out