Those have been my thoughts exactly. I did another search for a therapist in our area that specializes in identity/transgendered issues, and this same one keeps coming up.

I don't think DH has asked her any hard questions like I will. DH also doesn't parent, so everything is hunky-dory with him most of the time. Let's see what happens when I go in there. Pass the popcorn.

~ Moon

Thanks everyone. I'm nervous about today. I don't know what to say and what NOT to say in front of SD13. I guess I'll be honest and say it all. The therapist can note SD13's reactions to everything.

FML

So I went to the therapy session. It went better than I thought, but I guess I have to drink the KoolAid now. Not happening. I can support this child but still be entitled to my opinion. The therapist started with calling SD13 by her boy name and using boy pronouns. I don't know if DH has heard this before. The main focus of the session was to start calling her a "him." All three of us adults told SD13 that she needs to slow down because we are ALL changing with this new identity thing. DH also interjected and told SD13 that she is only 13 years old. She spoke very maturely in the session. Wish she could do that at home...... So I see it as her stepping up when it's something she wants. And at home if she forgets or doesn't want to do something, she regresses. But we didn't have time to bring that up. I reminded the therapist that this was the first time I'd heard anyone call her by her boy name. My understanding was that when DH and I met with the school guidance counselor last January, DH decided to wait until HS started, to use the boy name. I added, that SD13 was invited to that meeting at the school but declined. So she didn't even own it.

The therapist must have thought things were hunky-dory at home and I opened her eyes. I told her that DH and I are never around because we work and have long commutes. Told her how SD13 feels like we don't listen, but at the same time, 9pm on a work night at lights out is not the best time to bring up teen drama. We can better "listen" over the weekend when the schedule isn't so demanding. Yet, DH is always watching sports and never really listens. I explained to the therapist that SD13 is naive to the adult needs of DH and I, and that we do a lot each day to provide. SD13 tried to throw me under the bus and I defended myself. I told the therapist about her eavesdropping and me calling her out on it, and how what she heard me say was misunderstood by her. I had actually been supportive to DH when I was speaking with him and being eavesdropped on. I had suggested to DH that he take her to therapy again in March, and he did. SD13 overheard it as I was saying she needed more therapy like it was a bad thing. I threw out the date and said that she needed the session to better explore her feelings. I also explained to the therapist that just because I discipline SD13 as I would any teenager, it doesn't mean I HATE her for wanting to be a boy. I told the therapist that SD13 was confusing the two, and did all but say that SD13 was throwing pity parties and loving the attention. Such a juvenile kid.

DH added that SD13 has cried more now with the identity issue than she did when BM died. DH brought up the fact that I thought SD13 hadn't grieved her BM's passing. The therapist added that she and SD13 went through lots of grief therapy. (Funny, there were only three visits last fall, so I guess that's "lots.") Therapist saw the look on my face and quickly added that people deal with grief differently. I'm sorry, but someone NOT crying over the passing of their BM is not normal. I still firmly believe that. I also told therapist that I majored in psyc in college. I still stand firmly that something isn't right since there were no tears shed at BM's passing. I told the therapist that I feared something was buried deep. SD13 was squirming.

I asked why SD13 was a girly girl and then just changed overnight last summer, when her breasts started developing. DH brought this up as well, asking why it happened overnight. The therapist said that when puberty hit, SD13 thought it was the time to come out, because she felt even more like a boy trapped in a girl's body. That made sense to me, made me feel a little better. I also brought up that I feared that SD13 was isolating herself. The therapist thought that SD13 was involved in all of these support groups. Um, NO. SD13 has gone to a support group three times since last fall. Therapist seemed a little surprised. I added some other things to that because I remember it all. DH, not so much. SD13 whined again that there is never any time for her. That's right, pumpkin. It's called LIFE. I still felt bad for her because she is so naive to the ways of the world.

It came down to us three adults telling SD13 that she needs to slow down. We all want her to be safe in the world out there. SD13 replied, "Well when I go into HS in the fall, I'll go in identifying as a boy, so I'll be ok." :jawdrop: The therapist added that it can take years for family members to deal with the changes, and the same goes for SD13.

SD13 is naive and clueless and thinks she has this all figured out. So......DH asked her to go home and call her Girl Scout leader and tell her she's a boy now. He also told her to call Gma. I added that would be nice since she's going to the beach with her for a week in June. For once, DH was addressing SD13 like I do. Firmly and realistically. DH further told SD13 to call her aunt and uncle and let them know, too. SD13 replied, "But I thought you already told them....?" DH saw that she just doesn't get it about the world out there. DH tried to throw me under the bus a little when I said we have different parenting styles. I told the therapist that DH was never around because of work, and that I have stepped back (disengaged) since last summer, even before the identity thing. The therapist asked why and I replied that SD13 and DH need to be responsible for SD13 before I am. I told her I have no rights to this child but she lives under my roof, so I expect her to learn to be responsible. DH didn't like that. I also offered up "hygiene." I repeated the word four or five times, sarcastically, as SD13 sunk into her chair. I told SD13 I didn't care if she was a girl, boy or other, there are certain responsibilities that are expected of a thirteen year old. Who was playing with Littlest Pet Shop figurines last week at the kitchen table. The therapist supported SD13 on that. Um, ok...... Clearly more therapy is needed.

FFFFFML

~ Moon

Ever since August, she has tried to get her school GC and her therapist to "do her work" for her. She has pushed for this boy name thing behind our backs, even when DH said wait until HS, so we have time to adjust. All of us. It didn't work with GC and she moved on to therapist. At one point today, SD13 started spewing out lines as if she was in rehearsal for a play. I looked over at the the therapist and said, "Damn internet." The therapist smiled. I still call BS and I'm sick tonight, seeing my future with these SDs. OSD19 will talk down to me and be the BPD narc mini-wife. SD13 will get beat up at school and that will be the drama. I'm not cut out for this shit when I have no respect from anyone. Damn. This home is some kind of fucked up. We've been on the edge of a black hole, teetering, and I think I just officially fell in.

~ Moon

She's been to a group a few times, but it's like day camp. They do fun activities.

SD thinks she knows how the "bad things" really are. She has no clue.

Thanks for your kind words. Disengage, disengage, disengage. LOL