Hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum.

A short intro: I am the stepmother of two teenagers, ages 13 and 18. I have been in their lives going on 3 years. The 18-year-old is very easy-going and well-adjusted, few worries other than some hygiene issues. The 13-year-old, I will explain about in a bit.

They only come over every other weekend, not because their mother is the more fit parent, but when the divorce happened 8-9 years ago, that's what made sense at the time. I actually prefer it, because I have never strongly desired to be a parent. Being a stepparent has been difficult enough. I have issues with anxiety and mild OCD, and these kids' lack of hygiene and organization has stomped ALL OVER that. They also have a high sense of entitlement that I am not accustomed to.

Overall, though, they are very good kids, considering the nasty divorce their parents went through (mom cheated and now is married to the other man) and they have loving grandparents who are also a good influence.

The 13-year-old is going through the expected attitude issues at his age, but the main thing is that he suffers from ADHD, which affects his ability to concentrate in school. He makes friends easily, though, and seems to be concerned with being popular. He is medicated for his ADHD (his mom's choice) and does OK on the medicine. Much to my dislike, he spends most of his time off playing video games (mostly non-violent) or watching videos. He seems to have few other interests.

As the stepparent, I have been insecure in my role as a punisher, as I have read that it's not really my place. So, although I will kick him off the games occasionally and keep on top of both kids about their cleanliness, I mostly just try and stay out of their way. I usually feel like my personal space is being invaded while they're over, as I cannot relax in a stinky, messy environment. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I do love them and know they're not TRYING to make me miserable. They are just extremely NOT conscientious of others, like myself and my siblings were when we were their ages.

At Christmas, my husband gave the 13-year-old a small hunting-type knife for Christmas. He has never been into super violent stuff, so of course we trusted him with it. In fact, he was afraid to hold it, so I took it from him for safekeeping. His older brother enjoys collecting knives as a hobby, so we gave it to him with the intent to keep at home and start his own collection.

Before his mother came to pick him up from our house after an extended Christmas Break stay, he asked if he could take the knife home with him. I was surprised, since he seemed afraid of it before, but I didn't see why not. My husband wasn't home, but I figured he'd just put it in his room and forget about it like he does with just about everything else we give him.

Well, unfortunately, my husband got a call at work from his ex, who was SCREAMING at him because 13-year-old took the knife TO SCHOOL, presumably to show his buddies. D'OH. :jawdrop: It just surprises me, because he shows maturity in some areas, so we are shocked that he didn't have the common sense to leave it at home. Not only that, but he has a propensity for lying, and he told his mother that WE TOLD HIM to carry it for personal protection. We never said that. I had said that if he didn't want the knife, I would keep it for personal protection, (as I have been followed by strangers in the past.)

So, of course the ex-wife is blaming the entire thing on us. He's being suspended for 10-days with possibility of expulsion. There will be a hearing, which I am not sure whether we are being invited to yet.

I still cannot help feeling extremely guilty for handing him his knife before he left. I just thought he had the sense to handle it, but apparently not. 13 sure is an unexpected age. :?