Really need help with step-daughter from hell
Real quick the situation is I have 4 teenage step children, boy18, girl17, boy15, and girl13. I have 2 boys 12 (disabled) and 9. We have been having many parenting issues since day one. Especially when DH and I set rules and the kids cry to grandma (his) and she allows them to be justified victims, without getting the facts or just plain staying neutral.
Last straw -- finally we get into family counceling. Now it becomes very clear-SD begins balling to the counselor that because of me her Dad is drinking 7-8 beers a night and thats why he fights with her (reality is he has maybe 2) and that now he's hiding alchol under his bed (I have a JD bottle from 3 years ago that was given to me as a Xmas present). That I refuse to pay for her (only her) registration at school (she is responsible for xtra curr. activities only same as last year), that I have threatened to throw her out of the house (never happened) and to call the police on her (never happened). How I excessively punish her. In 3 years I can count on one hand how many times shes been grounded. She is horrible to have in the same room. She glares, pushes anyone (except dad) if they get anywhere near her or in "her" way. She has repeated all these lies to her grandmother, who as mature as she is pittes her and sides with her. Mind you grandma never comes to the house, never speaks to her own son, and never has anything nice to say to me. She bullies the other children and steals from them and thinks nothing of it. I am thankful that she is not on drugs, but she has a screw loose ( and dad admits it).
For 3 years I have gone to her IEP meetings (she is learning disabled), stood up for her with teachers that did not understand her disability) worked with her for monthes trying to get her a job, worked monthes with her on trying to get her drivers license (which she still does not have). I pour more time, energy, and resourses into this person. Only to be stabbed in the back. I have never met someone as cruel and heartless as she can be.
I am told by the counselor to just take it, don't respond, justify, or try to rationalize with her. But this punching bag is all out of sand. How do I do it?
It sounds like this is SDs
It sounds like this is SDs way of taking control over everyone.
But I have a few questions:1) What are the consequences to these behaviors for her? 2)Why if Grandma is undermining both of you as parents why make it readily available for SD to see her?
If SD is that old and hasn't figured out how to behave yet shes in for it when she hits the real world!
Personally I would treat her the same way she treats me- I do this for both bio and step and it really does get through to them alot more than asking would. Maybe you Should treat her somewhat like she claims you do and just not acknowledge her for a few days and see how she responds- then point out you are just doing how she claims you were in the first place.
Well her father has taken
Well her father has taken the humor approach...last night he had a single beer out of a 6-pack in the fridge and made a joke that he had performed a mircle. He was on his 5th beer out of a 6-pack yet 5 still remain. In the mean time I have just completely backed away without neglecting any of my responsibility. She called me at work and very very nicely asked if she could use my bike to go to the library (she had a flat tire). I told her "what happens to a dog you repeatedly yell at and kick? Will it come when you call? No you may not borrow my bike." She got hateful and hung up on me. I will not be taking her anylonger to get her drivers lic. or registration.
The other children in the house are now avoid her at all cost. It's really sad what she is doing to herself.
Since she's working on a
Since she's working on a driver's license I'm assuming this is the 17 yo? Buy a calendar, circle the 18th birthday, write moving day in big red letters... Count down the days, cross out each one as the days go by, leave it posted in the kitchen.