Resentful "stepmom"
So let me give a quick backstory: me and my significant other have been together 5 years. He has 2 kids from 2 different women. They are now 9 and 13. The 9 year old lives with his mom full time and we get him 2 nights a week. This used to be the same scenario for the teen until about a year and a half ago. His mom went to prison for drugs and he moved in full time ; when I was 36 wks pregnant. Because of the situation with the ex, it was def not my ideal time to adapt to being a "full time step parent" when I was about to adapt to being a mom of a newborn for the first time but I understood. It was a hard transition (especially since I breastfed/still breastfeed and still don't feel comfortable nursing my little in common areas). Fast forward to now. His mom has been out for 5 months, she has seen him 4 times. I have grown a resentment towards a child and I feel horrible even saying it, especially being a stepchild myself, but it's gotten to the point where I want to just breakup with my SO. He spends a significant amount of time doing his own hobbies, even going on out of town trips and leaves his son with me. I was hoping his mom would at least get him once a week or something to give me a break and that has not been the case. I don't get free time but my SO does, leaving me responsible for TWO kids now. Not to mention, his son has been getting into A LOT of trouble lately (skipping school, lying, bad grades, possibly smoking weed) and I feel that my SO does not do enough to discipline him and even fails to mention some of these behaviors until weeks later! I'm coming to find out our parenting techniques are WAY different (I'm more strict in parenting than he is). I'm scared that even if we stay together, we are going to have the same problems trying to raise our daughter together. I have grown resentful because I feel I am an unpaid/unthanked nanny and maid! To the point where I hate coming home knowing the kid is going to be there when I get home. Am I a horrible human being? Should I call it quits? My stepdad IS my dad, and I worry that if I feel the way I do it's not good for his kid or me
This kid is your SO's kid and
This kid is your SO's kid and HIS responsibility, he should not be leaving to do fun things and leaving the kid with you.
No way would I put up with this. Have you talked to your SO about this? Who would he pawn the kid off on if he were single?
You are not a horrible human being for not wanting to be responsible for a kid that is not yours.
I have tried many times, but
I have tried many times, but he feels since the kid is a teenager and pretty much can entertain himself that it's not a big deal. We just don't seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things. As a parent, you should put the kids first. You can't do everything you want to do or take out of town trips at least once a month (sometimes it's two), plus a night or two a week.
Time to start scheduling your
Time to start scheduling your own free time and leave the kids with their dad. You don't need bm to step up, you need their bd to step up.
I get some time, but it's
I get some time, but it's like a day or night once every 2-3 months vs. His once or twice a week. Plus, I have had situations where I was invited to something but am unable to go because he had something he wanted to do. This weekend for example I had a birthday brunch to go to, but his 3 day out of town trip took priority over my 2 hr plans.
Ummm... f him.. pick yourself
Ummm... f him.. pick yourself a girls weekend. Don't tell him until you are headed out door with suitcase in hand.
when he goes off to do his thing... take your baby to your parents and spend time with your family... or a friend. Leave SS at home... as your SO says... he's old enough to take care of himself.
She can't do a girls weekend
She can't do a girls weekend yet unless she can express milk...she's still breastfeeding.