I have had a stressful week at work as one of my co-workers decided to make an ass of herself at my expense during a meeting earlier in the week. I had been giving her the silent treatment as my feelings were terribly hurt. I wanted to take the weekend to calm down and then decide on Monday if I would report it to HR in case it happened again. She took the high road and came to apologize to me, so it helped to tell her how it felt, being mocked by her in a room full of people, about a very sensitive topic that is health-related (diabetes). So my Friday was off to a shitty start before I had her apology.

DH got back into town yesterday and he, SD13 and I ordered dinner. Not much conversation, as DH was hungry and tired from traveling. It was my birthday and he got me a few nice presents. Then the wind must have shifted. I swear SD13 who wants to be a boy is bipolar. She has done this before. She is fine and happy, thrives around DH and then all of a sudden goes quiet, playing the pity-party role. DH is a very sensitive and kind father, and most kids probably wouldn't get the reception that SD13 did when she first told us she wanted to be a boy. DH noticed her being frumpy all of a sudden at the dinner table and started trying to get her to open up. He is much more patient than I.

After about 20 minutes of getting nowhere and just sitting there patiently (on my birthday), I said to SD13, "I understand you must be feeling really confused about everything, but you owe it to your father and I to talk to us. That's what we're here for." Still nothing of value, which is par for the course with teens, but still, I was starting to get angry with the disrespect. If you want to be in a foul mood, call out for attention all of a sudden, and then you don't want to talk with your father, then leave the fucking table. We went through the same crap last Friday night at dinner as well, even after DH rushed out to get SD13 a haircut for the family wedding. She had chopped her own hair into a Paul McCartney Beatles bowl-cut on her own while DH was out of town last week. Last night DH even had the nerve to come back and say, in front of SD13 which is a no-no, that she "isn't confused, but Moon, you seem to think she is just going through a phase. I think she really knows about her identity and that things won't change back to the way they were." So there's the "united front" in my house and it doesn't include me. I told DH that none of us knew for sure what was going to happen, as this entire identity thing is new. We'll know when we get there.

So then SD13 starts crying and wants to go to a support group about an hour away. We went through this last weekend and DH said he would take her. I told him it was closer to the city, too far away, you work all week, just wait and take her to the local group which meets nearby every week. At least DH saw the light on that one. Then I look at SD13's chore list and asked her why she didn't do her laundry as Friday is her day? I looked at everything she checked off and she just SKIPS over the laundry reminder that is there in bold print. Because she has done this before. Pain in the ass. DH says she can do laundry on Saturday. No, DH, because I want to do laundry Saturday and not Sunday anymore, because I am dead on my feet Monday. from doing your laundry all weekend, with fibromyalgia.

DH is always sticking up for her. I told DH this morning (for the first time) that I was growing resentful. I really am. He was kind for about a nanosecond and then hit the roof! He stormed away from me, raising his voice in a huff. He asked what I wanted his help with? I said to make sure that SD13 does her chores and studies some. He made fun of my chore list and I said that she wouldn't do half of what she was supposed to without that list. Some of it she checks off and it isn't even done. I know, I check behind her about once a week or less. Last week was when I found her underwear under the sink in the basement. DH still speaks up, because I asked again today WHY it was there, and defends her, saying, "You had an accident, RIGHT?" No, DH, her drawers were perfectly clean and I have footage of it (lol) in case you want me to show you! Your kid is just an immature creepy tween. Gheez already! DH proceeded to go tell SD13 to clean out her ENTIRE closet and get all of her crap off of the floor! It's been there for almost two years, and her "clean" sheets that she washed three weeks ago were on the closet floor with her shoes on top of them. He yelled and asked her why she didn't fold them and put them in the linen closet? Mewling from SD13 }:) , so he told her to put them in the LINEN closet already!! After I ask DH for a few things every month, he yells at me but them storms off to discover what I am talking about. He never checks SD13's room, bathroom, basement area, nothing. He has been doing a lot more cleaning up after her lately. LOL

I really started thinking about leaving today and it scared the shit out of me. Or maybe I could do like Sally and stay at my other house, for awhile. My tenant's lease is up at the end of January. I could make it work, I really could, but I would miss my dogs like hell. I cried and cried this morning and two of them just came over and curled up next to me. I couldn't leave them. I would feel like I was letting them down, and they wouldn't be taken care of. They have a huge yard here, so this is a good place for them. They are mu joy, I just don't want to live in a shitty house, so I voiced that to DH today. About making sure SD13 did her part.

I also got into it with DH because part of SD13's responsibility is putting a belly band on SDog. She didn't do it at all this week. I just have to live accepting the fact that my dining room will continue to be pissed on by him. Then DH says that maybe it's the other male and quit blaming SDog. I told him if we had the damn diaper on SDog, then we would know, now wouldn't we? Then he says how hard it is to see if there is pee on the floor, that you have to run your fingers over the hardwood. I replied that wouldn't that be easier for SD13 to do, FOR HER OWN DOG, than you or me after a hard day's work? He always bumps his head on the table and I have a terrible neck and back, so I point out the pee and ask them to clean it. DH had the nerve to tell me that I missed a spot. No, DH, your kid missed a spot. Not my responsibility but WTF, I'm here to HELP, right?

I just couldn't win today. I told DH that I was the maid, babysitter and bad guy. He yelled at me and I know SD13 heard all of it. Another no-no. All of that crap went on this morning and my birthday celebration last night was short-lived because of SD13 and her drama. Yes, I hugged her again, and told her we would get her to where she needed to be. It just breaks my heart because I see how crestfallen DH is. We all need time to adjust. DH told SD13 to take things slow.

I probably left out a bunch of other stuff, too, but I just needed to vent. I sent the two fart knockers to Walmart to buy SD13 some underwear. Anyone want to move here and be my roomie, lol? Rent is cheap. Argh.

~ Moon