I'm so sorry that happened to you and your hubby. i almost cried with you knowing what you're going through. There may not be anything in the water, but parents and society is helping to create what I call the entitlement generation.

I haven't had problems with DH's son being mouthy but just lazy. We've taken all priviledges away until he learns to pick up after himself and respect our home. The mouth could come from pent up anger about divorce issues. Mostly, I think these video games and animated TV shows have too much attitude and violence. I've had the misfortune of watching an episode of the animated show "The Family Man" and I'll have to say they make disrespect look humorous. Cartoons aren't what they used to be and neither is respect to your elders. I think we adults have dropped the ball in raising polite, kind, and respectable kids. If they make a mess, turn off the electronics until it's cleaned up or no electronics on the next visit. Divorced parents, especially dads, feel so guilty about having a broken home that they tend to give in to their kids too much. Too many priviledges without consequences for bad behavior. My DH feels he doesn't see his son enough to make him tow the line. I say he's enabling him and doing more harm than good. I hope your hubby & his son will kiss and make up soon. But, don't let your SS get away with this one unscathed because he'll see how easy it was and do it again.

I wouldn't give him the lacrosse stick either and I'll let him know he didn't deserve it after that episode. I'm afraid about one thing...

Even though I don't like having my SS16 around, I keep telling myself it's a better environment than being with his vindictive and domineering BM in her pit of disorganization. Can you all seek counceling, do you have a church pastor, or talk to his lacrosse coach about keeping him off the team if he can't be a more respectful role model as a captain? I'm afraid if your ss's BM can't pay her bills and her environment is a house of chaos, then it might make matters worse. Could your SS be lashing out for attention? He certaintly got you & your hubbies! If he stays at your place, maybe all electronics should go away and only come back one at a time as the respect for his elders returns.

Just a thought...wish I had more answers.

What will SS16 do this summer? Have you thought of military summer camp? There's nothing more intimidating than having someone outside their family comfort zone to scare the crap out of them and straighten their a**es up. Sometimes we're too close and emotional to a situation to be fully effective. Don't want to take out the garbage, no problem, just dump it on their bed. Don't want to clean up after themselves, no problem...stand at the sink and wash all the dishes in the house. No TV until it's done. They want to play hard, we need to push harder. I'm sure Dr. Phil would disagree with those tactics but it sure makes me feel good to think that way

You and hubby need all the support from each other you can get right now. Maybe you can buy him an encouragement card and tell him how much you love him. Can you make a list of all the behaviors you want to see change and solutions on changing them? Another list of good behaviors that don't need to change. We started out with a list that even included something as small as take off your shoes & put them in the laundry room (you have to spell it completely out); hang up your coat in coat closet; don't slam the door; brush your teeth; etc...We posted this list on his mirror in the bedroom. The problem is following through with appropriate consequences. Dad can give the XBox, but Dad also needs the leverage and guts to taketh away. i think sometimes kids don't know what is expected of them and it may be helpful to put it in a list in writing so there's no question. your SS may be beyond these capabilities but i hope not.

Hang in there, I care!!

This child is out of control! I know what you are saying..my BD has been really pushing me lately and being disrespectful to everyone around her. It is her fathers and my fault..because YES we spoiled her as a baby and young child..and now we are suffering (well I am as he isn't really around other than phone calls)..and beleive me it's not easy to nip it in the bud as they get older.

I can't BELEIVE he said those words..I am in shock and feel horrible for you.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

You have to nip this in the bud or it will just get worse. My SD17 has said similar things to and about her DH to me, and I had to set her *ss straight immediately. Of course BM goes right behind and encourages her in this behavior because she is PAS Queen. But these kids need to get the fear of God put in them and suffer a few consequences or they will be in prison or something.

I would not give him the stick and I would make them stay with their mom if they can't respect their dad - period!! Stand strong girl!! and give your hubby a hug, he doesn't deserve this and he needs to demand respect too.!!

A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I wish I had some wise words or a solution for your problem...I can honestly say how sorry I am that this happened. I know that if I had ever spoken to my mother or stepfather like that, I would have been pounded into the ground.

I do believe, though, that your husband should have called the police. What SS did was assault. He should be held accountable and punished for his behavior.

stuknaz, read some of my blogs, my FSS is not so different from yourz.
he turned on his dad so fast- called him names, threatened violence but never attempted my FH is a strong guy - FSS (19) left in Nov. and has been gone since. PM me if you want to chat.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

My FH has a biod that is 16 and a bios that is 13, I hope for my FH they will not go the route of the oldest but one can never be too sure.
the oldest BS likes to spew his hate I hope that the other two form their own opinions, FH does love his kids, it is a shame that the mom's can have so much power..

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I don't mean to sound like a broken record on this site, but learning to disengage has saved not only the relationship with my DH but also my sanity. I had dillusional expectations of how my DH should act as a father, how my SS should act as a son (began at 7 and now 15 1/2), and how the former wife should act as the ...well...former wife and BM. I now let dad take care of discipline with only advice from me. When he sees how his methods aren't working, he finally steps up to the plate and takes more control of the situation since I won't. The son & I were (are?) like oil & water. I don't relate to him and never really did. I just make suggestions, and go about my business and let dad take the responsibility of raising HIS son. The BM, well, I smile & wave while she gives me the cold shoulder. It used to boil my blood too - which I refer to as breaking red. I want to be a bigger person and let it roll off my back. I may have an advantage over you. I've noticed that as I age (I'm 47), I'm not as bothered by things that don't really matter in life. I can't control other people's attitudes but I can can my own. Look up "Disengage" on the internet and see if it's something that will work for you. If disengage sounds too harsh, call it "Detaching with Love".

My DH did and it finally paid off. He had a hell on wheels daughter who used to curse him, disobey, got arrested 3 times, wrecked cars, you name it. BM's slack parenting and undermining were big factors in their divorce. Then during the divorce and our early marriage, SS got in trouble because BM couldn't get his ass out of bed in the morning. He flunked 8th grade twice! Got arrested for pot. Failed drug test, got sent to lock-up. Smashed holes in the house walls. Was out all hours, etc. At 14.

DH took a few steps back. BM basically keep cutting him out of the loop--we didn't find out a lot of stuff, including court dates, until they happened. At times I wondered if DH should go in and enforce martial law but he didn't. I guess he was sick of fixing things and being undermined. Of course, sometimes they'd call for money, but he ran out (ran up cc debt taking care of these brats) and consistently said no. Then we moved and again, all of it was in BM's lap and the kids had to take the consequences of their actions.

A year later, it has paid off. Both kids on are the right track. SS has made up lost time in a charter school. SD had a baby, still lives at home, but is furthering her education and acting like a grown-up. It's a miracle. She sent DH a great card this Father's Day, basically saying, "you were right."

 Im so sorry you’re going through this. We are a blended family here. His kids treat me as though I’m an ATM. They are terribly mouth to their father. The oldest are 21 and 19 and lazy slobs. Thank God they move out this week. My oldest is 20 and has his own car, house, a good job and he’s going to school. So I really don’t understand where this entitlement crap comes from—I have not raised my own kids that way. But my significant other has been terribly hurt by his own kids. I cannot believe people think they can just say whatever the hell they want and get away with it.

Keep us all posted. I will pray that things get better for you.

Do not mistake these POS boys for men.  They are not men.  They are profane, disrespectful pieces of shit.  They should be treated as the pieces of shit that they are.

Had I ever spoken to my father the way this POS spoke to his father I would be fertilizer.  This kid needs to feel the esclating pain of abject misery for that crap.  No more running to BM on daddy's time. Particularly when there is discipline being applied.