She acts like she's his wife and not his stepdaughter
I inherited 2SDs with my marriage and he inherited 3. His oldest daughter has boundary issues and acts out especially when he deals with her from the "child zone." She has taken and tossed things that belong to me when she's angry so now she's banned from our bedroom. She'll leave her siblings to monitor us behind closed doors. They're not with us that often so we make it a point to NOT have intercourse while they're in the house, but that doesn't stop her from lying to her sisters that she's heard "noises" or that she's heard us "making out!" The latest stress creating behavior from her end has been her sitting naked on her bed while her dad passed back and forth through her room. She didn't make any attempts to cover up, instead she just sat there waiting for a response from him. It seems that every move she makes is to get a response from us... should I continue to ignore it, ask my husband to get it in check or have a talk with her mom?
I don't know how old your SDs
I don't know how old your SDs are but you posted in teenage stepchildren so I guess she has to be between 13 and 19.
First off, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Second off, your DH is the one who needs to get this in check. And what the HELL kind of father would walk back and forth in his teen daughter's room and NOT TELL HER TO GET HERSELF COVERED UP!! Why does the new SM have to be the bad guy and tell him that is SOOOO far beyond appropriate, it's not even funny.
She's 14 and I actually
She's 14 and I actually thought that maybe I was not being understanding of a father/daughter relationship initially but the naked thing is too much. I'm not even sure how to even speak the words to him about how wrong THAT was. He has allowed "no boundaries" for so long it's like he's afraid to put up fences now because she might be hurt. I've expressed to him that she's too far out of the child zone and I'm thinking he just doesn't know how to reel her back in.
Not teaching your daughter
Not teaching your daughter proper boundaries = having a slutty daughter in later teens!
DH and BM need to have a
DH and BM need to have a discussion with her regarding modesty, proper boundaries with dad, etc.
Then DH or you and DH should have a discussion about what a husband and wife do. Alone. Together. and that this is a normal part of a healthy marriage and that if children look, they will find.
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
It seems like it's been one
It seems like it's been one thing after another with her and I'm starting to believe I need to pick my battles carefully. I'm watching her manipulate situations that bring about some horrible confrontations and the next day she acts as if nothing happened. I don't trust her and she's only 14.
Choking has some very
Choking has some very colorful children. I get like a visual that they're Children of the Corn. You turn around & they're just there. You blink, and they're gone again.
Oh lord Choking!! Someone
Oh lord Choking!! Someone needs to give you a camera.
I am so new at being a Step.
I am so new at being a Step. What needs to be done first?
Thanks for the roadmap. I'll
Thanks for the roadmap. I'll get started on this conversation tonight!
Get leg chains, nanny cams,
Get leg chains, nanny cams, prescription of xanax & a fully stocked wine bar under your kitchen sink.
Welcome:)
Thanks for the laugh but I
Thanks for the laugh but I sure hope not! lol
I wasn't kidding. Well except
I wasn't kidding. Well except for the Xanax. But the rest yes
Oh please don't skip the
Oh please don't skip the Xanax! I would never have survived SD15 without it!
She's not his stepdaughter,
She's not his stepdaughter, she's his daughter. So deep in thought I explained it correctly but labeled it wrong.
I'm with the others on
I'm with the others on this...this behavior is completely inappropriate! Your husband needs to get this child in check quickly before this problem gets worse.
Holy shit, I missed a mini
Holy shit, I missed a mini wife thread????? Wow.
Ok, I agree with everyone above - your husband needs to set her straight. If you search mini wife on this site there's a TON of good reading.
Good luck. You're gonna need it.
I would be disturbed as well.
I would be disturbed as well. I would mention it to the husband, and offer to help him explain proper boundaries to her. Observe how she takes it.
I did have a heart to heart
I did have a heart to heart with DH about the constant stress and strain for me that comes from dealing with attitudes, bad behavior and boundlessness when his girls come to visit our home. I also admitted that had I known our life would include a cord attached to his previous marriage and life that is way beyond normal, I never would have married him. I think THAT revelation got his attention in a positive way! The ex-wife was using him in every way possible and didn't act well when she didn't get her way even though she's been remarried for 9 years. The SD seeing this DAILY thought that it was normal and followed suit. I had to make him understand that none of it was normal! He set new boundaries for his ex-wife as well as his mini wife and he and I enjoyed our first "CHILD AND DRAMA FREE" weekend! He kept his phone calls with her brief and didn't report to her what we were doing when she asked. He's gently moving her into the "child zone" where she should have been all along. It's hard to blame her bad behavior when the parents are really responsible for it by not setting those boundaries in the first place. I have to admit though, I'm not really looking forward to this weekend because it will be their first weekend in our home since the new changes. I'm hoping for the best but I'll prepare for the worst.
WTF!!?? 14 years old and
WTF!!?? 14 years old and she's sitting NAKED in her bedroom for dear old daddee to see? What in holy hell is going on with both of their heads?? This is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE!!!
Your DH has to put his goddamn foot down and lay some boundaries!! Teach his kids some self respect ffs!! What.. does he expect her to be like a free spirit and roam naked wherever and whenever she feelsl like it? Talk about jail bait waiting for some bright spark to notice and set off every alarm under the sun!
For the sake of decency and your marriage - your DH MUST fix this! It will only get wayyy worse, trust me! If my DH didn't put his foot down with SD, she'd be lording it over his house and he'd be spending the rest of his life wondering where the hell he went wrong.
Good luck with it!
The new boundaries have
The new boundaries have apparently pissed the little one completely off! Attention seeking has reached an all new level. Her first visit to our home since the visitation change and she wears into my house the ring she stole from me back in October. My daughter noticed it last night and mentioned it to me today but wasn't sure. When she asked her SS whose ring she was wearing "mini wife" gave some unintelligible response that made my daughter's radar go off. I asked her dad to check on it but feared that if I didn't get the ring back TODAY before she left for her BM's I would never see it again. I told my daughter that my ring had my initials engraved inside the band. My 2 children had to wrestle this 14 year old to the ground to get the ring from her...and as we thought...it was mine. DH stood beside me as I got my long lost ring back and said absolutely NOTHING to devil child about stealing it in the first place. And then to wear it back to the house where she lifted it was almost like her being evil on a different level. "You've got my dad...well I've got your ring!" I disappeared leaving him to take some action that was never taken. He said NOTHING!!!! NOTHING!!! My girls are mad as hell and they lost a degree of respect for him today as I welcomed my ring back home. I did tell him that she's not welcome here. I don't trust her and I suggested he tell her mom what happened with the hopes that maybe SHE will discipline her. Somehow I doubt it... this feels like a bad movie. Bad child is released on new family and no one believes she's the terror she is until somebody loses life or limb. Well...at least I got my ring back!
Holy fuck - what!! You guys
Holy fuck - what!! You guys PROVED that the li'l thief STOLE your ring and your DH stood by and did NOTHING???????? NOTHING???????? :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Have you checked to see if his balls are still intact or has she stolen them too?
Good grief girl - I would be going absolutely fucking MENTAL on his ass! Completely go off at him and then I would be losing it at her right in front of his goddamn face if he didn't do anything about it!
Ban her from your home for-fucking-ever - never, ever let her have the opportunity to infect your girls with her toxic ways!
I am so furious for you, I have to stop typing and go have a smoke.
IslandGal the more I thought
IslandGal the more I thought about his response the more I realized that something had to be done. I sent BM a text and asked her if we could talk about it and come to some type of resolution and decide on a proper punishment. Guess how that ended?!?! She called DH immediately demanding to know what happened. I was livid because I didn't want it sugarcoated. He says he gave her all the details and even mentioned the late night phone call she made to him. He was sure she was going to carryout a swift punishment and she did. I got a phone call with an apology through tears which really meant nothing to me because it was forced. The BM has decided to keep both girls home with her so that she can "figure out" why mini wife is acting out like she is. Even though I'm happy to not deal with her, I feel bad for DH because he has never gone a day without seeing his girls except when they're on vacation. And could she be keeping them away to punish him for setting new boundaries? Mini wife and Ex wife are making me really regret saying "I do!" Somebody tell me please that this situation isn't terminal!
Now that is a little bit
Now that is a little bit worse then my mini wife situation in some ways. and in some ways it could lead into more.
IT NEEDS TO END and you need to put a stop to it tonight or when you read this. My sd17 was in front of me pulling up her shirt or it down. and many other things. he started to be drawn into her advances. and was starting to treat me like I was the teenager and she was his wife. I went through some drastic measures to put it to a hault. She was not in front of him nakkid, however if i did not put an end to it it would have progressed to more and more.
PS THIS IS EXSACTLY SIGNS
PS THIS IS EXSACTLY SIGNS FROM BOTH YOU NEED TO NOT ICJORE!!!
FROM HIM
1) Walking back and fourth 1 to many times
2)If you can not mention her name without him getting angry , upset and or defensive.
3) If they have more low whispers between them that do not include you.
4) he suddenly makes her stop doing the chores or following the rules
5) exchanging looks back and fourth between them with smiles
6) every chance they have they are always kissing hugging, patting on the butt or tickling
7) he will serve her her food first or ask her if she wants anything before asking you
From her
1) play food
will start asking him to do things for her, get me a drink ( she could be only inches from the fridge and he could be in the other room0
2) lifting up shirts
3) aanucing she is going to her room ( this could be a signal from her " hey im getting undressed dad, walk back and fourth
4) announcing she is going to take a bath or shower
5) pretending or all of a sudden she does not feel good
6) she will want more and more dad and her alone time.
7) bringing girly magazines into the house.
9) when you ask her questions she will icjore you and then turn to him.
10) she will interupt all your conversations
do any of these sound familar, at some point this progressed slowly, there had been previous signs that you might have missed, reflect on things before the taking off the clothes and dad walking back and fourth.
I do believe that there are
I do believe that there are boundary issues with this relationship but I also believe this situation is the result of just giving too much freedom because DH feared not being liked after the divorce. I see him working on the issues that I brought up and when he says "I just didn't know WHAT to do or say!" I believe him. I'll continue to monitor with the hope that things get on track. I think DH has just been abused and used so much by his ex and by mini wife that he thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I know better...
You guys are right. I'm so
You guys are right. I'm so fearful about how bad this really could be. He hasn't seen or talked to SD14 since this happened. To go from from daily access to NO access is strange. He hasn't even attempted to have interviewrwith me since this went down and that adds so many more questions. When I am him about her or when she's coming back he says he doesn't know so I don't know if he's just enjoying this much needed break or if there's more. I'm worried.
That word should be
That word should be intercourse. ..not interview.