skids and school
I need some serious help and advice.... PLEASE!
We have skids week on week off. When they are at bm house they don't do homework (she lost the parenting battle years ago, so they won't listen to her when she tells them to do hw), besides she's too busy being the "cool friend parent"...
ANYWAY,I think it is soooo important to graduate from High School, but these kids do NOT care. We have tried bribery, we have tried taking away possesions, we have tried grounding, we have done it all... And they still don't care!
These are not my bratty kids, so I give up.... however, I do not think it's fair or right that they just sit back and do nothing on the weeks they are with us, when my kids are busting their asses to stay on top of their school work. SD20 didn't graduate, SS16 doesn't give a shit and won't even come to our house anymore, he is currently failing out of 11th grade, and ss14 is the one I'm dealing with the most right now.. What are my options? I can MAKE him do the work while he hates me more and more, I could take the hw to the school myself and turn it in for him, but I am sick and tired of doing everything! I can't be the only one who cares! What is another option? I'm not BM so I can't send him to job corp or anything like that! Soooo frustrated! What do I do?
We have talked with teachers,
We have talked with teachers, and I am constantly emailing them and staying in touch. He is on a 504 plan (in a guided studies class) but he comes to class and gives the teacher grief, or works super slow on assignments and practically gets nothing accomplished there either. DH does back me up with everything. SS takes adhd pills so its easier to "attempt" to get hw out of the way after school before meds wear completely off and dh doesn't get home from work til 6ish. ss has no respect for gs teacher or adults in general. uggg
I would completely disengage.
I would completely disengage. You can not force a child to care about grades. At this point in the game, they have seen no reason too. They were not motivated early on. If you have tried everything and this is where you are, I would disengage and lay down some rules with DH. You will not support any child not in school...Sorry, they choose their own consequences, when they don't understand that they need an education to have a better life. Not your responsibility to show them. It is yours to devote your energy and discipline to your own children.
DH battles homework daily with SS13. He is on him everyday and has taken him from C' and D's when we had 50/50. We now have full custody of him. He is now at all B's. I deal with BS16 and he deals with his. You can not make your husband care about this. He has to come to it on his own...
How do I help my own kids
How do I help my own kids feel like this is fair though? They get cell phones taken away for anything lower than a C. They get grounded until grades are up. But they see that step siblings can do whatever. It's so hard to not have the same rules for all the kids.
I had the same issue when SD
I had the same issue when SD lived here and would screw up and DH wouldn't discipline. BS16 got mad a lot. Rightly so. My answer has always been, "they are not my children. They have a mother and a father. I am all you have and I take that very seriously. You will do the right thing because it is expected of you. And if you do the right things, you will be rewarded."
My kid is a Straight A student. All AP classes. He understands that in order to have what he wants, he has to achieve it on his own. He can not do what they do. He made Eagle scout and was rewarded with a car. He was not allowed to have that car until he did. He has had consequences and rewards. My Sk's do not see the importance of doing the right thing and studying. SD is barely passing any class.
Also, helps that BS is incredibly bright and has long surpassed me in his homework...So I can't really help him much anyway, except to stay out of the way.
Just be consistent with your kids and walk away with regards to his...Only thing you can do in order to save your own kids.
Ah Draco as usual - that's
Ah Draco as usual - that's awesome! I love it. If I can get DH to go with me on this one, I will likely being pulling this myself. Thanks! I can't believe your parents did this, Good Parent and Smart!